Dictating Dragon software

 
Apparently using the voice recognition software is a little more complex than I thought. In fact, it kind of sucks. I get the feeling this can take some time for this program to learn how I talk. Let's see if this mode works a little better. Personally the other mode was getting on my nerves. Like I was saying, is going to take some time for this program to get used to how I talk.

So today at work was okay, Bret was in his usual mood, which was miserable until he ate something, then he's just an ass. That sentence literally took five minutes to type. It's going to be a hassle to try to teach his thing my language. I think the basics are okay, but having an elaborate conversation with the computer might be a little too tough right now. I'd have to teach it a lot of slang and a lot of nuances that this computer does not understand yet. Not to mention the swear words. But once this computer does learn my style, it will literally save me enough time my on blog that I can do it more often.

I think I'm done training this tonight. Speech recognition software is a cool toy and it has a purpose but it will take some time to train it. In the meantime, it's time to shut down the computer and go watch wrestling because it's Monday night and I'm not going to spend my night off programming a computer.

2012 review

This past year was one to be slated of unpredicted progress. In the Chinese calendar, it is my year, the year of the dragon. Symbolic of stability,strength and power. if you can believe a lot of that stuff. But for the most part, its not about having it be your "year", but gaining the inner strength and knowledge to make any year, or month or day to be what you make of it. some kind of progress needed to be made this year, in terms of anything or everything, or at the very least, set the groundwork for the next big step. Change needed to happen.At the same time however, i need to remind myself to not take life too seriously and to make time to enjoy things,places and the people that surround me that are worthwhile. To quote Ferris Beuller , "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in a while, you might miss it."
2012 year in review-
Finances 7.0 - no change  I didn't really spend any more than years before, but I also didn't really save any either. The markets are in a state of flux, and skiddish at best. I've been trying to recover stock IPO's from last year and earlier this year as well as pulling what investments I have once they break even. There is no profit in the market this year, even with it being a election year. Finances are stagnant in general.
Work 2.5- down 2.5 I need out of this job. Just the sheer apathy,poor work ethics and drama in between co-workers is enough alone to leave, but its the lack of structure and managerial regulation that propagates the circus even more. Staff isn't regulated, duties are shirked or forgotten completely, punishment for inappropriate actions or behavior is absolutely non-existent. Somehow the business still makes money, but it boggles my mind to think of how much smoother,friendly and profitable the place would be with even a normal degree of workplace structure. I have been pushing hard to find new employment no only in this field, but to make other options for a career push in terms of craft beer being my passion, as well as keeping the option of a real estate venture open while the markets are still very low. I contemplate quitting work on a near daily basis, but I convince myself  not to just due to the fact that my bills are being paid with relative ease. I still need out however. This juice is starting to not be worth the squeeze.
Social Life 7.0  no change  i no longer associate with most of my friends that I considered to be my best friends here outside of Doug. I have written off and de-friended Chris and Jillian. Just for mainly the fact that not only myself, but others have made the efforts to try and spend time, to try and remain in contact and to try and keep a friendship going, but there has been no reciprocation from the other side.I do not want to waste any more of my time in people who don't make efforts to keep friendships healthy, let alone going. it wastes people's time and creates unnecessary stress and eventual disdain and spite. There are plenty of good people out there that I know that I consider true friends that i would rather spend time with, with good character,moralities and mindsets, and i am thankful that they are around. I have been meeting a lot of new connections thru my lady, some were just acquaintances of mine that became closer friends thru her, and some are all new all together. Either way, they are all good people and I am honored to know them, and create new bonds and spend new adventures along the way.
Love life 8.5- up 3.5  As you know my history about divulging details of my intimate love life on this site, i keep it under wraps as it's really not your business. I am dating someone new. Shannon and I have been together for about 10 months now. She is a great person with a great character, family , good morality and loves to live life to the fullest extent possible. I have a great love of her and I know that it is the same on her end ( even though I can be a pain 90% of the time). She is a great motivator and the most positive force I have ever encountered in my life (sorry dad and coach Mecchi, ousted..). She instills the will in me to accomplish goals in life or to get the ball rolling when needed. I am very grateful to have her with me.
Spirituality 5  no change   Nothing has changes from last year. i didn't find Jesus, I haven't started going to church regularly. I also haven't bursted into flames when I do walk into a church yet, so that's always a sign that I have a chance if the said higher power does exist. I have been mixed back and forth with the topic of fate and its counterpart of creating your own destiny. It may be a mixture of both where one starts and ties in the other or vice versa. Needless to say, i haven't seen any divine intervention going on. Oh, well the world is supposed to end on Dec 21, so maybe we will see if anything happens then. Besides, as I said last year, my old man likes to tell me that you don't need to be in a church to have faith or even chat with the man upstairs.
Family 7- no change
Everyone was healthy this year and we are all living along just fine. No major health issues. My cousin Sonia had a child. My cousin Chris is engaged (to yet another Shannon). kids are getting older and wiser. Richie is doing well in airborne training. The family is well, and that's always a good sign for things to come!
Health 8-up 1.5 I am up on this year due to a major weight loss. I have been able to drop and keep 30+ lbs off through a healthy diet and moderate fitness. I don't exercise as much as I should, but I have tried to tools to keep things going. I was able to accomplish 2 running events this year in the Pat Tillman run and the Mud run. I was able to finish both in a reasonable time, considering I am not, nor will ever be a runner.I would like to continue to drop a little more weight and get down to a stable 220, which I was in high school. I am very close, but its all about breaking that plateau people hit when trying to achieve fitness. That final 10 is a pain. I know that my clothes fit better, or are in fact too big to wear. My joint problems on my knees are pretty much gone due to a lighter load. I'm faster, feel better and look healthier.
I know I probably drink too much. I like to enjoy a social setting and have a good time with friends. I know I can't party on forever and its not good for me in the long term to continue on with these kinds of habits.Recovery from a fun night isn't as easy as it was 10 years ago, and it generally doesn't fit in with a weight loss program. Although i will not be giving it up completely in my life, I should strongly consider how much of an impact having a couple of cocktails influences my well being.
However, i have found a way to turn a potential negative into a positive. I have been actively pursuing a life passion in the art of homebrewing. i have fallen in love with the art of small craft beers. The intricacies of making the product is finally a tie in with a art career and reality that I had not previously considered. Its a creation, for all to enjoy, not just to let it sit on a wall and gain accredation long after you're dead. A constantly evolving and changing artform. I have been spending the past year making brew after brew at home. Some turned out good,some turned out bad,some turned out amazing.My eventual goal is to pursue a career in the currently booming field, in any aspect of it whether it be making it or selling it. I have a great start on knowledge of the artform and the intricacies of it that will bolster my resolve into finalizing a future.
Total 6.5- up 1.0 from 2011
I have had a big hit with my job situation being poor, but with my health and love life balancing out the mix, i feel that this year has been better than last. pieces are starting to fall into place. Its about starting to trim off the metaphorical fat and cancers that put areas of my life down. I am thankful I have positive people to be around. I have gone and seen new places, tried new things and met new people. That is the true spice of life. It puts a lot of the bullshit into perspective when you think of how lucky you are for the things that you have had happen in your life that let you enjoy it, whether it be big or small. All the rest of the potential bad stuff all passes by anyway. Don't waste your time with bullshit, it's not worth it. Whether it be work related,personal,financial or otherwise. I have a loving girlfriend,great family, good friends and the ability to fully enjoy life right now to the fullest. Next year i fully intend to do so, even moreso than this past year. Life does more pretty fast, it is important to stop and look around once in a while so you don't miss anything. See you in a positive 2013.

brewhaha

Whats new in the world of homebrewing and vinting? I currently have four items going on right now in the fermenters. First I have an American rye ale. Its a richer, fuller dark beer that is similar to its German bock and dunkel cousin. It has a hint of rye flavor, mild hops and a richer malt taste.
Secondly, I have a attempt at a chocolate bourbon vanilla bean porter. I bought the grain kit from whole foods way back in like February when they were clearing out their Christmas stock of at home beer kits by the Brooklyn brewing co. The kit was originally made to be a chocolate maple porter, and have it use maple syrup as its main sugar fermenting source. I don't really like how their kits were laid out, so I tweaked it by adding dark LME (liquid malt extract) and my own personal choices for hops and yeasts. The bourbon vanilla was a impulse buy addition. I was in Fresh and Easy the other day and happened by a 4oz bottle of bourbon vanilla extract in the spice aisle. "Bourbon" vanilla refers to the type of vanilla bean mind you.,..NOT actual bourbon. Though I am tempted to spike the batch with a little hint of jack daniels to add some punch to it before bottling...
Third, i have a Chilean sauvignon blanc. I picked the juice up with a gift certificate from wine expert after using their juices yet again last year to win a medal this past April  for  my voigner white wine. It's nice that wine expert takes care of the people that use their products on an usual basis. Plus, it promotes their products even further with support and recognition.The juice is fermenting very,very well so far. I did add elderflower to the wine, which should boost the flavor profile and add a little sweetness to what is usually a very dry style of wine.
Fourth is the mystery hooch. The grapes I stomped out from the backyard vines a month ago. Its a blush wine, and it fermented very fast and strong, even though its only one gallon. Its either going to be really watery and weak, or extremely strong and barely drinkable. I'm hoping for the latter....I can at least cut it with water to dampen it to make it drinkable...regardless, I'm not expecting much of anything from it outside of experimenting with my skills and tools.
As for future employment...I sent out requests for a possible internship, free mind you to a local brewery...but got no response. I also have a potential in with Miller brewing Co. and their World Class division, which centers on small batch, microbrew and craft beers. I was able to give my resume to our local beer rep in hopes of it getting passed on to the hiring powers that be. Its a unasked favor from her, and I'm deeply appreciative of it. i hope it works out soon.

self assessment....

Not for in fear of losing oneself, but for a general assessment of what and who I am. Call it a bit of soul searching, as a buddy of mine once said to me. As far as I acknowledge, this is who or what I am . I consider this a letter to myself. A reminder to myself as to who and what I am. Crazy people always talk to themself right? Or is that eccentric people?lol..
Marc is lazy and unmotivated at times. It is my biggest flaw. I have ideas of doing things, attempt to get things rolling, then stop. Not to discredit myself once I actually start doing something, because I do finish it, but the spark to get my ass going actively doing it usually lacks. Not to say that I don't enjoy being lazy for the sake of being lazy. Everyone needs that time to decompress and zone out at any given time less they go insane.
Marc is a great cook, planner and entertainer. I love being in a kitchen, whether cooking for myself, one other person, or twenty people. It is one of my places of zen. I can be creative, expressive and comfortable. Even when I'm appearing that I am running around crazy and frazzled...i am in total control. chill...
Marc is a horndog. Sexuality has always intrigued me. I took multiple classes in college that were not required of my program just for the sake of taking it. I enjoy the psychology of it, the physiology and social aspects of it. Plus the nature of the environment i work in, nurtures in the expressive side of it. I am comfortable with all aspects and encourage healthy discussions and or participations.  It will always be a part of my life, and I enjoy all of it. I will not be condemned or chastized for it.
Marc likes cold weather....i thrive in it. Apparently I moved to the wrong state. My favorite time of year is taking a walk in winter, all bundled up, with a slight drizzle in the air. The cold soothes my lungs and feels invigorating.
Marc is a water sign. I'm a scorpio (which also explains the horndog), and I am at home in the water. Once again, apparently I moved to the wrong state...I feel at peace in the ocean, whether I'm in it, sitting next to it, driving up the coast, or even flying over it. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to live much closer.
Marc has communication and expression issues. I have been getting better at things over the years, but I still lack in dealing with confrontations, negotiation, and speaking my mind. I tend to clam up easy and put up a wall. Its a manifestation of my childhood issues, i understand that being a shy lonely kid with severe social, mental and physical issues. But I have been making strides to improve, and am a lot better off than I was ten years ago.
Marc loves dogs and birds. Marc hates cats...i don't like them, they don't like me...that's that.
Marc likes to be clean and organized. A disgusting and disorderly house bothers me. I have a large house, with two dogs. Shit gets dirty, and I have to constantly maintain it. Living in filth is not good. Common sense y'all.
Marc probably drinks too much, but that's a matter of personal perspective. I'm a creature of vice, and alcohol is one. I enjoy it. I make it and hopefully want to produce it and sell it. I make good stuff. I've been in the industry for 16 years. I don't drink everyday, nor do i need to. But when I do enjoy it, I really do. I'm safe about it, no driving, usually at home or out with friends, so with older age comes wisdom. I also know that too much can directly effect my health and weight, so I need to be mindful of it. I'm no longer 22, im 35.I can't drink as much, nor recover as easy. Mornings after a good night suck now. Something to keep my eyes on, but I won't be giving anything up entirely from what I feel for the rest of my life.
Marc loves to travel and experience new things, historically,culturally and culinary wise. I cant stand hanging with people who don't enjoy the same. Youre boring...
Marc loves football. NfL...not really much college. Sunday mornings during  the NFL season, I'm always busy, enjoying time at home with friends, out watching the game, or at the game. I'm really Jonesing right now too being the off season...
Marc needs to make better efforts to be closer to his family. Its hard being almost a thousand miles away, but I have to remember that I own a phone. I hate talking on a phone. But I have to remember that I OWN A PHONE. Family is getting older. So am I. I miss all of them.I enjoy spending time with all of them. My parents dont travel here as frequent as they used to, nor do they fly. I'll probably try to go home for a weekend in July.
Marc need to finally go into business for himself. I've said my intentions for opening up a place of my own. Once again...see the issues with motivation  above...I need to push harder in looking at property. once that is secured, I have to get other things rolling because its already started. I'd much rather be a 40 year old bartender who owns the place that a 40 year old ...bartender...
Marc needs to try and get back into art. Look, making beer and wine is an artform. I enjoy that immensely. I can truly unleash my creative side. I also know that an artist doesnt center on only one art style. I can draw.I can paint. I can sculpt. I got a goddamned degree in art for Christ's sake. I have ideas to create things. Motivation and time.
Marc likes to sleep. A lot. Let me sleep. I am a night person. I hit my main stride from 10pm to 3 am. I work a 9 to 5 job...the other 9 to 5. Im comfortable with that. I dislike mornings. I can wake up early if need be, but not for no reason. I've always been that way. I've tried to go the other route with working day jobs and school and ive been miserable. Sometimes its just a person's internals that dictate their timetables..its how i am, and im content with that.
Marc can be very passive aggressive. It can be a blessing and a curse. I shy away from confrontation. Ive never been in a physical fight. I also could use more skills in standing up for myself. Choosing the right battles and how to fight them . Being constructively aggressive and not doing stupid things or getting into stupid arguements. I've done stupid things by not thinking things thru fully.Take a moment and think for a second.Step aside and wait. Think of my actions, the consequences and how would I deal with something if things went badly.
Marc needs to remember to not change things that are important to him at his core.I need to remember to always be true to myself, for sake of being true to others in the process. I will not change those things that make me...me. I don't need to be put into situations wherein a change is required, whether it be for a job, family, relationships or friends. Be true to yourself.
That is all for my soul searching today....

What do you want to be when you grow up

Most parents, or adults when conversing with a young child tend to at some point, ask the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Most kids are quick to answer back with the obligatory, policeman, astronaut,nurse, cowboy, baker..etc..
Which is all fine and dandy, but i think i would appreciate much more a simpler answer of being 'happy". No matter what the child does for a future living, as long as the child is happy doing it, or living a happy lifestyle, that would be the best answer for me. Not whats pushed on them by society, or what they went to school for, or what their parents would like them see them do with their lives. Being happy should be paramount of all that.
That being said, I'm at a point in my life where I've met someone and am very happy. She loves me for who I am, what i do and where i want to be. Is supportive of my decisions and appreciates that her actions are reciprocated as equally as i can and enjoy giving back. I also have an idea of what I wish to do with myself. I have found a niche that in a parallel way, corresponds with what I went to school for in a art degree and what i currently do for a living in working in the restaurant and bar industry.
I have a passion for creating things and constant learning new ways to do them,especially with food and drink. One of my largest passionate hobbies as of late is beer and wine production. I relish in the science of it, the exploration of it, sharing it, and giving them to people to enjoy them. Yes, I may still be relatively new to the production and have a lot to learn, but as with working in the service industry, you learn as you work. There really is no other way. You may read all the books written by experts, and as smart as it is to gain your research, you learn the most being hands on.
So, being "happy" is doing something you love to do. Its the pinnacle ascension of anyone that works wants, to do something you love that makes work not work, but a passion and a enjoyable hobby. That would entail me wanting to pursue a ownership of a establishment of my own, preferably a brew pub where I could focus my own products and deliver them to a discerning and appreciative public. I view myself as a giving person and wish to contribute my talents to a community (all the while giving them a buzz..haha).
Working for one's self is a desirable and pioneering spirit that is part of the American spirit. To start from nothing, and make something of yourself. You may fall down a few times along the way, but that makes you be judged not on the cause of your falling, but how you get back up and correct yourself. My father is a shining example of this. Being an immigrant here, came with nothing, became a citizen the right way, worked himself to the bone, failed along the way, got back up and became stronger and made a very nice life for himself and his family. Even in his old age and numerous struggles that comes with age, he is still adverse enough to overcome whats put in front of him. It's inspiring.
I'm doing my research, looking into legalities, property, logistics, financials and production.
Make beer, good food, own a place, make people happy, be with people I love.
Lets get this done. Boots to asses. Thanks to my friends who are already standing behind me on this as well as my co-workers and employers. You will not be forgotten in this process.
It's not my goal to be a millionaire, though I wouldn't complain if it happened. It's not my goal to be a huge entity in my community, though to make the community a better place is an aspiration. My goal, to have people around me that I love, a place of my own that provides a service i love to give, live comfortably, maybe start a family, constantly experience new things, and to just be "happy". It really isn't as hard as people make it out to be.

2011 review

Its was a very long road this year. that road got very bumpy during the middle of the year. Even though the speedbumps came, it was still a very productive and interesting year full of new experiences,places and faces.
2011 Year in review.

Finances: 7.0  -1.0 from 2010
I downgraded this one point because I spent a LOT of money this year. I am financially stable, but I didn't save anything this year. I spent a lot of money on home improvements, vacations and personal debt to my ex because of said home improvements. I don't regret it however, because the house is more comfortable and user friendly now, and I have a lot of good memories and knowledge from my travels to new places this year. I would do it all again. I hope to save more this year. I want to move some investment money around to safer and more profitable accounts. I am pulling alot of my stocks out due to an instable market.
Work- 5.0   n/c
Not much change from last year. I am still senior staff there. I've applied to other jobs and continue to look for new job leads about every other week. I've had a couple of interviews this year, but they were for jobs in new places that still haven't been built yet, so I am still waiting on  a spring callback. I realize that I am a replaceable employee, and that hastens my looks for potential new employment. there has been a rash of interworkplace drama, that for the most part, I haven't really been involved in, but it still isn't too comfortable to be immersed in. It is time for me to 'leave the nest" as my boss said in a related discussion with him earlier this year.
Social Life-7  up 2.5 from 2010
This is up a lot from last year. I have made new friends, hung out with a lot of different and new people, and reconnected with a couple of old friends. I see Chris and Jillian when they make time to hang, but they are still very busy. Now that their holiday retail season is over, it may free up more time. I've been seeing Doug more often, and he is doing well. My friend Sean lives in Phoenix now, but I don't see him anymore. I think he's still dating my ex's friend, so that may be a little awkward. I've usually have had people over more on the weekends. I would have liked to have a lot more people over, but I'm not about to start mixed company drama. I may get into that later. I'm just saving myself drama.
Love life- 5 down 4 from 2010
This is way down. Reasoning? I no longer have a girlfriend. My ex and I had a lot of differences come to the surface this summer and it turned out to be irresolvable ones.  So she moved out this past August and I haven't really heard from her since. I received a chaffing email a few months ago from her that had some teeth to it. So I responded. It was not pretty. More than likely i will not hear from her again, and if that's the way it has to be, sobeit. I didn't want to part on a bad note, but if its brought down, I have no choice but to finish it off. I'm currently dating, who I see is my personal business other than that. I'm starting to think that since i turned 35 this year, having children may not be in my future. Especially seeing that my choices of women has shifted from women aged 22-30 to women aged 30-40. I doubt I will find a young lady with enough mental capacity or experience to handle someone my age. I.E.- my ass is getting older.
Spirituality-5.0   n/c
I have no big changes with this stuff the past year. I went to midnight mass during Christmas and it wasn't anything special. I don't really like going to church. But when I'm home, I know it makes my parents happy, so I don't mind going. Besides, as Dad likes to say, you don't really need a church to talk to your God.
family-7.0  up.5 from 2010
I really have no reason why I rose this up a smidge. I was able to see family a little more this year. My parents were well enough to travel to Arizona after 2 years this past October. Nobody left us this year. My cousin Richie decided to shape up and enlisted in the Army. Some old age health set backs here and there, but nothing life threatening. It was a calm year for the family, and that's good.
Health 6.5 up 1 from 2010
I increased this a little bit because I lost some weight, found new ways to exercise, and have some new technology health tools. There is still a lot of work to be done, but the ground rules have been set, and I can move from there. Its just a matter of getting off my ass more and be more motivated.
Overall-5.5 - down .7 from 2010

Down, yes. Primarily due to my ex leaving. I think that may have been a good thing though, so I am not letting this score truly reflect on my state. I think that I am in a better position than I was last year this time. I achieved a life goal or two, made more wine (even got a gold medal in it), learned how to surf, travelled some of the world. Learned how to renovate a lot of things around the house. Learned how to make beer, good beer, and keg it. i made some karmic justice with some things in my past, either by returning things or apologizing to people for transgressions made in order to bury a couple of axes.  I have a lot more things potentially opening up this coming year, ways to save more money, be healthier and happier. That is probably my primary goal this year, and in life in general, to be happier. Whatever or however that is accomplished is, well, up to many different interpretations and options, but it seems easy enough. Whether it be a new job, enhanced love life, or health. those can all be attained within reason. I'm eager for this year, I feel its going to be a good year. It's the year of the dragon, my year, and I've been waiting for a while to have it come back around, so I definitely am ready. Come get it.

Midyear

Its been since March that I got on here and updated anything, not that there would be much of you out there that still follow my scribblings.

there has been a lot of travelling during the first half of this year, between Denver, San Francisco, Hawaii, St. Thomas, Chicago and Las Vegas, I am pretty travelled out, and so is my wallet. It was all worth it though, seeing new places and new experiences. Carolyn made sure that i achieved a life goal this year in getting on a surfboard for the first time, in of all places, North Shore Oahu, Hawaii. It was a bitchin ride too, dropping in on a huge one foot tall wave and having it bear down on the back of you. one of the hardest things I've done so far I tell you. You can't imagine how hard it is, even on a little ripple like that to get vertical on a stick. You quickly learn how many different muscles you have that you never use....and the value of sunblock in places that you don't normally put on (i.e.-scalp and backs of your knees).

I've been putting my feet to the grindstone in the vinting department after winning an unexpected gold medal in the International armature winemaker competition for last year's Piesporter. I've since bottled a Chianti, Apple Riesling, Champagne, Blush and currently have a Vognier fermenting as I speak.
I also have all the gear needed to make an attempt at brewing beer. I just need to get off my butt and hammer it out one day with either the hefe or stout ingredients I have.

Work on the house this year has gone well. We have the doors, screens and windows being worked on and some done. We've done some landscaping in front, and the garden is thriving well.

The dogs are all healthy, even after Izzy's scare with her back issues. Jenny is getting older, more jealous and very crotchety. Trooper is, and always will be my little retard. To celebrate the fourth of July, he got his nose into the planter in the kitchen and consumed an entire handheld U.S. flag and stick. Considered a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it, I found said flag, in its undigested entirety, on the lawn a few days later.

I have had a few job bites at a major distributor job here in Phoenix after doing my term of Jury Duty in May, and I am still waiting to see what may come of it and my chances of finding another stable job with much needed benefits and growth. Other options are still out on the table as well, but with the current economy, nothing is for certain and if anything does come my way, its best advised to jump on it, even if if may mean taking a step back in order to leap forward.

Carolyn was able to procure tickets to the MLB All Star home run derby last Monday night, which marks my most major sporting event attended to date. Next stop super bowl right? It was a fun time, and probably more entertaining than the actual all star game. We paid for it however, seeing that both of us started to get sick that night, and ended up getting knocked on our butts with a flu bug for 4 days. That was not fun....at all.

the 4th of July was a great time. I ended up staying here while Carolyn was in Detroit and Milwaukee for that week. I was able to hang with good friends and have some fun times. Arizona legalized fireworks in the state, so for the first time since my childhood, I was able to use some explosives. Funny though how they seemed so much grander when you were 4 feet tall and ten years old. Aw, who am I kidding, anytime you can blow stuff up in your backyard is a great time...

I also was finally able to see my buddy Chris, who I haven't seen in 7 months. He's been battling health and work issues, has seen better days, but is doing the best he can. It was good to see everyone that weekend.

We received a nice unexpected care pack at work for a couple of us from one of our customers. Chris Klenakis, the offensive line coach for the Arkansas razorbacks sent us a box of rather pricey hats and shirts to use. It was very nice of him to do that, and totally unexpected. I won't be wearing it on ASU gamedays obviously, but as Justin put it, as for the SEC," I don't have a problem rolling with some hogs.." Coach K is a pretty stand up guy, and from what I've seen and talk to him about, he's a good man to know.

As for anything on the horizon, not much as I can see. No major trips are planned. We would have liked to try and get out to Hermosa Beach this summer for a weekend, but that is up in air depending on time and cash. All we are waiting for is for this summer, which has been deceivingly mild, to end before everything gets more active in the fall.

The value of friends

This month, my live in lady has company coming in every weekend to stay with us. With the exception of the last visit being family, all of them are childhood friends, including one that she has known for 23 + years. I can say I come close, seeing I've known my friend Dirty Ryan since I was about 10. I am 34 now. Dirty Ryan now resides in Japan, and has been there for an astonishing decade abouts... The last contact i have had with him was a few days ago via a few sentence email checking up on him after the country got demolished from a huge earthquake there. He is fine, but outside of that however, it has been a long time since we have corresponded with each other. I can safely say that I have been an equal partner in slacking between he and I in keeping in contact. Yet that bond of friendship is a unique one that most of us have, the one of growing up with someone. To elaborate further on it, its also one that even if years go by, bearing mental illness or some other cataclysmic event, the bond still remains, and for the most part, we pick up right where we left off after high school graduation. The same goes in respect to my other buddy Douglas. He lives here in Arizona, a few miles from me. Even as we go months without hanging out, it is no problem to just sit around and do nothing.
Those childhood bonds, the ones we share through schooling and teen life lessons, are innocent at best, and sophomoric at worst. That is what makes those bonds so endearing. The sneaking out at night, a taste of a first beer or of a girl's lips, the curious trespassing on property or inner thighs, petty theft, car waterballooning, burger flipping job working teenage angst that screamed through your walkman cassette player as you loop play your "mix tape" with your amigos.Even though I may have made and lost friendships in my college and adult life, for the most part, the closest ones I had in my young years still remain intact.
Lately I have been focusing on repairing or acquiring new friendships with people to come close to the same bonds as youth. It isn't the same. The grown up experiences and differences are unfathomable to attempt to recycle an innocent youth. While I can strive to make new friends, I should remind myself, and those others out there in my past of bonds that existed long ago.
Its that warm blanket, sitting on the couch in front of the Christmas tree and fireplace while its freezing outside as a kid feeling that makes whatever stress you had just go away for a while as you reminisce.
I was reading an article on MSN tonight about when and what to throw away childhood memorabilia. At one point in the article, the author quoted about digging out her old yearbooks and the backpage senior quote pages. I had totally forgotten about purchasing one of them back in 1994 until now. Digging it out, it was a awesome touchstone to the past and all of my friends. I also remembered my flaw it it that I wrote way to damn small for the actual yearbook that even if someone I named in it tried to read it, they would need a microscope to see it. So, I scanned it, blew it up, sharpened it and it was still barely legible.

So in closing, I'll try to translate as best I can. Remember, sophomoric at worst right? It pretty lame, but then again, so was high school...pretty much left to right...

"H20 polo crew, you guys are sick. Brendan A. Adam B.(cool daddy-o), Gavin W. (shpeedos mon, slurpees),Jared Kohler (smooth & creamy), Long N.(cool daddy), Dan T. Sean M. Jason Foisy (FRESHMAN!),Matt Varney, Carlos C.,Lisa T & Colleen Mc. You guys are the best, see you next year, thanks for the memories. Salute! Camel Man! To Coach Frank-I love you bro, you're the best, thanks. To my lost cousin Sonia Bray-We all love you and will never forget you. RIP Love cousin Marc.

To my loving cousin Tina D.thanks for being there for me. Love always, Marc.

Marc Demelo 94!Portuguese Pride! Viva Italia! Class of 94! Whats up? We've been through a lot eh?In a way, I'm sad to go because all of my friends are going too.You're a part of me, I'm going to miss you all. To Mike Hagan,Tony Easley (my art rival). To my pisan Nick Torre-she passed the test. David Coffaro, the ocean man. Juaquin V. (Barney!) & Ken B. Tom Traung-eh, Ryan is still a good guy. Vince Bravo-thanks for being there for Tina. Steve Miloch-the Mortal K-bat king!Johnny Cage! Rigo Hartmann- You got my respect 4 being there 4 Sarah. Jovan "Poo" Barnes, What's up? Zahedi G- NORM!! Sam Curlee-my artistic bud.

To all the women out there- I couldn't find a better bunch anywhere else! Amy Laudenslayer-hey babe, stay physical.Allison Pelfini-SMILE! Nicole Leone & Christie K.-I luv you as the sisters I never had. Thanx. Niki Costello, Ruth Bravo, Vanessa Chavez & Amy Ellington, luv y'all. Heidi Schaffer,luv u, thanx for helping Sarah-you're the best. Sue Couret, you are my first love, too bad things didn't work out-but I still care 4 ya. Sarah Fisher-what's going to happen 2 us? I still care for ya,luv always.To Tina,Jenny and Jeanette, luv cousin Marc!

To my pisan Ryan D. aka EDDIE. How da $#@! are ya doin. I could never find a bro like ya. Yuv ya man! The shpeedos mon.

To Mr. Engleman-The 2nd father of mine.Luv ya bro, can't thank you enough,keep in touch ok? Mr. Farina-my pisan, thanks.Mr Ulloa,Mr.Dodge,Mr. Queen,Mrs. Odington thanks.

U2, Pearl Jam, Stone T Ps. Hack-fest 93-94, go Doug!To Doug H. aka Vizzy Z. Am I gonna have to shoot you? See ya my pisan."

resounding haitus

Remember back in elementary school how your views of time and space were definitely skewed? Summer couldn't get to you fast enough, and when it did, it seemed to last forever. That concept changes in adult life, and time not only seems to fly by, but at the same time, you got a lot of long days to deal with. Seven months ago was my last updated posting on the blog site. Its not that I haven't had the time to do it, as I have plenty of free time during weekdays, but I suppose my motivations have changed. Don't worry, i wont go into a detailed listing of my daily or weekly events over the latter part of 2010, but I will at least attempt to do a brief year in review as I usually do.

Whereas 2009 was the year of the Ox, 2010 was the year of the Tiger. A year full of unpredictability, fast actions, and erratic behaviors.

Finances- 8.0 + .5 from 2009

I can not say that I made more money this year, but I did save more this year. Towards the end, I turned saved money into larger purchases for myself and others. Call it a self induced stimulus package. I made smart investing decisions, along with some patience, that ended up turning me a profit. Due to Carolyn and I now living together, it slashes out expenses drastically, which should bolster our accounts this year even further.

Work- 5.0 +1.0 from 2009

I am now the senior employee at my job. Trust me, that is not an achieved life goal. It is up 1 because business has been good, my attitude is a bit more relaxed at work, my schedule has opened up to have 2 consecutive, weekend days off, and for the most part, I am injury free. That still does not justify staying at the job any longer than necessary, but there are wheels turning for master plans to potentially come into fruition.

Social Life-4.5 down 1.5 from 2009

How delicately can I put this? Carolyn is more than not, my only social outlet.That is NOT a complaint. She is my partner in crime and confidant. Some acquaintances (especially ones that owe me) have disappeared or have been removed from my circle. I have not really seen or hung out with the majority of my best friends in a very long time. And its not for my lack of trying. Sean has been a closer friend to me in the past 6 months than anyone else, even though he has been shuttling between Arizona and California almost weekly. He finally landed a full time job here in Phoenix, so he should be around more.

Love life-9.0 +.5 from 2009

Its up and I am very happy. Everything else is not your business.

Spirituality-5.0 +1.0 from 2009

I had it out with God, or whatever force is out there a 5 months back. I cursed his name and spat at it. I also made my peace with it on my own one stormy day a month or so ago. Not that I am going to start going to a church, but I think a greater being and I have a mutually assured collective bargaining agreement. Basically the deal goes that I will understand and forgive whatever hardships were thrust on my during my earlier years as long as my father and mother's health improves and they are given more time here. I will keep my end of the bargain up as long as the terms are met.

Family 6.5 no change since 2009

The good news is that nobody left us this year. The rest of the family is healthy and doing well. My parents are, well, going day by day. Dad had a small piece of skin cancer cut out again, which is of no concern. He is currently dealing with major bladder and colon issues after his past prostate cancer treatments. Thousands of dollars, daily time, pills, pain,isolation, aggravation and the inability to travel 20 miles away from home is a daily occurrence for them right now. they did not make it out to AZ last year to visit due to treatments of dad's issues, which are still currently ongoing. Mom got a needed outpatient leg vein procedure done in December which should help her mobility. I can call and visit as much as I can, but the rest of the family doesn't really go to visit or help out all too much (*ahem...hint...hint...for the bunch of family that lives 100 miles or less from him, they could use you). Christmas was not fun. I hardly spent time with family for the week. It was depressing to see my parents, my foundation in life, down and out and needing assistance.

Health 5.5 +1.5

My weight is stable. I can do physical activities a little better this year. My eating habits have somewhat improved. I try to incorporate a fruit or vegetable in each meal. Certain unhealthy vices and habits of mine have gotten less or are entirely gone. My dental report card is good. for the first time in a long time, I have gone a year or more without a cavity. My mental state is alright. I can still breakdown at random times, but with my lady at my side, I have someone to confide in at all times.

Overall- 6.2 +.5

Anytime I can say that my life as a whole has improved, even by the slimmest of margins, is a good thing. The thing about it is to keep things progressing in a positive way, or to make the needed changes to make things better. We have a new addition to the family in Izzy, a 19 lb French Bulldog. She is our lovable little tank of a dog. Jenny may not like it, but she has to share the mantle of queen bee in the house now.

On a side note, I did achieve items on my Life goal list.

I found #1. Someone to 1.Find that person and spend the rest of my time and travels with her. And #5 Make my own wine.

I believe that it is the first time that i have achieved a life goal(s) outside of completing high school and college. It feels good to do so. Here's a full list (cut n paste to see)

http://marcdemelocpg.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html#1422494432070290663

This year has the potential to have a lot of new and grand experiences. I will be doing a lot of travel in the the next 60 days. St. Thomas, Vegas, Hawaii. Friends visiting from out of town. Hopefully family will visit soon. Employment may change. Depending on how drastically employment changes, so might the place we live. Either way, I am eager for this year, and starting to get excited.

Phoenix Rising

What’s to say about the past few months about me being AWOL? I’m a busy man, busy, busy. Ok, maybe not that much, busy enough, but mostly I don’t feel like writing a lot on the blogsite. That said, the weather is hot here, damn hot., like you never have to worry about your coffee getting cold hot. You could be carrying around a hot pocket fresh out of the microwave and the cheesy, bubbly innards of it would feel nice and cooling if you slathered it on the back of your neck. It makes necessary yard work completely unbearable…as you do it at 9 in the morning.
Carolyn and I spent the recent 4th of July weekend up in Flagstaff and Sedona. I have recently gone through a schedule change at work, so now, for the first time since I don’t know when, I have two days off in a row, and they are Saturdays and Sundays…unheard of! So we have been doing a lot of stay-cations here in the valley as well as taking time to get away for a weekend to where-ever we choose for the weekend. This weekend coming up, we are getting a room in our new favorite hotel in Scottsdale for dirt cheap and will be out tearing up the town Saturday night.
The family is fine, as much as I know. Nobody is sick, and they are all just going on with their own lives. That’s not a complaint, it’s a good thing that everyone is fine. My cousin Chris finally said goodbye to this foul stench hole of a state by finishing his teaching internship at ASU and moved back home a few weeks back…the lucky bastard.
The garden, is well, during this time of the year, being slowly and systematically cooked by the sunshine. The only things surviving are the trees, grapevines and the pepper plants. Which are producing a vast amount of peppers. So much so that my freezer is chock full of gallon ziplock bags of them. Need to find enough things to do with them or else I’ll have to start giving them away. As per professional advice, I have chosen to let the grape vines center their energy on strengthening the vines themselves instead of making a young vine struggle to produce grapes, and have plucked off any shooting grape clusters. It has produced a healthier and more vigorous vine this season so far. I also learned and am using a few new tricks to get rid of pests in the garden, and am happy to say, I am pest free this year.
Carolyn did get me a wine making kit last year for my birthday, and a week ago she purchased me a few gallons of cabernet grape juice, so I can start my winemaking on my own without my own grapes. Its an easy kit, and should produce decent wine unless you are a complete idiot that can’t follow instructions. Unfortunately during the hot season here, I cannot set up the wine in my garage because it is far too hot to ferment. I have set up my kit on a part of the kitchen counter where I can keep the temperature hovering around 77-85 degrees. Once started, its estimated about 3 months till I am able to produce about 36 bottles of red….sooo, hello Christmas presents!Ha!
I have been working out more and trying to consistently eat well. My breathing has gotten a lot better and I don’t feel winded as easily anymore. Taking to the pool again feels great, and although I’m still not back to my high school form, its still a nice feeling to still be the fastest person in the pool. When I’m at home, I use the elliptical and watch Sportscenter. I had the World Cup on recently but since Portugal and the USA were knocked out, there hasn’t been much interest lately. I will try to watch the finals on Sunday. Netherlands vs. Spain….hmmm…tapas and siestas or chocolate and hookers? Chocolate and hookers!
My buddy Sean is staying with me for a bit while he is on leave from his job. I know that he wants to stay in Phoenix, so he’s hoping and hunting for contracts out here and not back in Sacramento or Vegas, but regardless, he will take whatever is contracted out to him on his install sites. Meanwhile, while he is here, we are having a good time, maybe a drunken time or two, but a good time in general. He’s a good man and a good buddy that I’m happy to entertain at home.
Outside of that, the tigers are doing well in baseball, and thank God that football season is around the corner (yes!yes!YES!). Summer is half over, and that means the heat is half over too. The monsoons have not started yet, and need to soon. We need the rain and to have something to cool off the nights in August and September.
The only other things coming up is that we have a trip to go back home to Cali in September, a potential weekend trip to San Diego in August, a weekend birthday trip in September to Michigan, and I may go camping for a day or two later on this month.
There’s not much else to fill out in on outside of that. Til then, check you all later!

Ketchup...not just for burgers anymore

Its been a little bit. Ok, no, its been a good couple of months since I've last written. After a while, one tends to get caught up in the dregs of day to day life, things to do, places to see, all the while with a touch of laziness.

February and March went on through without much of a hitch. Carolyn and I went to (or at least attempted to go to) a variable smorgasbord of spring training games here in the valley during March. It was pretty much every Sunday, Thursday and Saturday there was a game to go to. A few got cancelled, some I just didn't go to. At $8-$13 a pop, I justified the loss of not going if something better came along.

Regular season baseball started, and I have the baseball package at the house on cable...once again trying to follow baseball due to a certain Detroit fan.

Wrestlemania (yes, I have a guilty fetish for my man-soaps...thank you Dad for instilling the desire to enjoy watching "professional" wrestling) was a fun pay per view to watch at home at the end of March, followed by the very next day of going to a live taping of Monday night's live TV show with Doug and Chris as we cashed in some unexpected tickets from Christmas. It was quite a nice surprise to go to an event that had the purpose of not only being stupidly entertaining, but an instant ego boost due to the surrounding crowd. I'm missing a tooth, but I think I alone had more teeth than my entire seating row combined. it would have been a great time to ransack the lovely town of Apache Junction as I think the entire town was there.

One thing has been a relative constant though, just because the NFL season has ended, Sunday fundays never really quit...the game just changes. Whether it be baseball or the current NBA and NHL playoffs (or even the recent NFL draft)...its always a reason to party, especially to take the time to be outside and grill & party before the summer nukes all of Arizona once again (yes, it was 95 today...in April).

I've been spurred on to make improvements in most aspects of my life, mostly by that same lovely Detroit lady (wink wink). I have restructured my diet and am eating a lot more sensible. I always try to incorporate a fruit and a vegetable in all meals and to limit my intake of bad foods in general. i force myself to have breakfast now, whereas I used to eat my lunch as a first meal.

I restructured the office and moved all my fitness equipment in there to consolidate my workout area and to open up my living room once again. I rejoined the gym, 24 hr fitness again, and whereas I don't go as often as I should, it is nice to once again have a lap pool at my disposal.

I chose (I swear inadvertently!) to do nothing but yardwork last Thursday on my day off...aka Earth Day. I planted two 12 ft shade tree saplings as well as a virtual OCD arborist list of landscaping duties that would make a dayworker landscaper cringe. On a side note...if you ever...EVER want to figure out what workout plan would give you the fastest results...I recommend the dig a hole workout. Better yet, dig two holes, about 3 ft deep by 3 ft wide in the Arizona soil (aka clay). I was sore for 3 days.

the new vehicle is holding up just fine and still has that (sniiiiiifffff) new car smell. its wonderful...and also due for her first oil change.

I had a garage sale last Sunday. I made $70 and got rid of a lot of crap. The beauty of it is that a good potion of the things sold ( bar promo items, glassware, other crap) was free for me to acquire, so it was pure profit...benefits to working in a bar. I got rid of all my old furniture and then donated the leftovers to the Goodwill to get a fat tax writeoff for next year.

Besides, I wouldn't want to have all that extra crap if i decide to move....

Which brings up a tentative topic, a potential move.

Earlier this month, I took my buddy Chris once again to his old stomping grounds in Southern Cali., Hermosa Beach to be exact. This little hidden gem nestled covertly in the middle of the LA area has found a very special place in me. It continues to defy the SO. Cal. attitude by being it's laid back, come as you are self. So, on our last day there while sitting in the hotel lobby, waiting for our taxi to the airport, I picked up a newspaper and perused the want ads and the places for rent. I thought to myself...this could be done. I could find a job or two easy enough, and a place to live, and there are plenty more job opportunities for Carolyn out here as well. Upon my return to the PHX, I brought it up to her and we started looking for employment for her. Sure enough, there are plenty of jobs that she more than qualifies for and hopefully could easily get.

The only foreseeable problems would be finding a place that allows not one, but two midsize dogs, and her current automobile issues and her apartment lease. The latter two would be able to be freed up in about a year, so if this does happen, it would be sometime around this time of year next year or later. As for the house here...well it would either have to be sold or rented or whatever (vacation home for mom & pop??). Mom sounds on board with it. In addition to being something beneficial to Carolyn and I, it would bring me closer to my family, especially with some aunts, uncles and cousins on my Mom's side.

Thus begs the question? How serious and why? Well, not only can I bother saying the benefits of being on a coastline and out of this desert heat, but I think it is safe to say that the vast arrays of opportunities are better suited there than here. Is Phoenix expanding and getting better? Tough to say. I just am really starting to feel that my time is up here and there isn't much desire to stay around. I'm not saying that there are opportunities here, there are, but more than likely those opportunities would require a longer commitment to the desert, which I don't know if I really want. As of this month, I have been here for 15 years and 4 months. Technically speaking...half my life just about. I also think that a wider array of opportunities, not only for work, but for private life and quality of life may benefit Carolyn and I's relationship. Not that anything is wrong, but a stagnant desert isn't exactly someplace I may consider raising a potential family if it is decided to go that route at some point.

On another note to get the hell out of dodge...my allergies are once again ravaging havoc on me. Nosebleeds, dry cracking skin, itchy eyes, congestion, and the inside on my nose feeling like a triscuit cracker would be wonderfully unmissed if I wasn't in a desert format. that and i could finally get my board and wetsuit wet on a frequent basis. (That's my own personal guilty reason)

we will be going to Michigan next month on a week's vacation and a brand new experience for me, and no, I'm not just talking about going to a state that i have never visited yet either.

So what happens from now until anything happens if it does? We continue to do research, work, and live our lives. See what opportunities are out there for us, even if they are ones that others didn't expect us to take. time is starting to waste away and so are expectations and personal lives of inaction.

I'll try to keep things posted better in the future.

Book of Questions #3

If someone you care very deeply for was brutally murdered, and you know who the person is, if they were put on trial and acquitted of the crime, would you seek revenge?

For the people that know me well enough, I think that they would know that the answer would be yes, of course. How I would go about it would be another story. It would honestly take every scrap of morality and the perseverance of a saint to refrain from immediately going to the guilty party or parties residence and just go to town on a vicious revengeful killing spree.

There are far better ways to make someone pay for their crimes. It would be much more fulfilling to have one's own version of personal biblical justice be done on a transgressor. It's an ultimate failure that the judicial system has brought upon itself. Nowdays, we have to be not only politically correct, but humane and merciful to even the worst criminals in society. Child molesters get short prison terms, murderers get off in a few years, and even the people on death row get basically a life sentence worth of appeals and hearings and delays. We are to believe that criminals are best treated with rehabilitation and compassion, despite the lack of the latter in which they committed their crimes. In theory, rehabilitation can work, but only with a good support system and placing them in an environment that is better than the person was in when they committed the crime. In reality, that is not done. So instead, we dump $150,000 per year, per criminal to give them a comfortable existence wherein they find "god" or further hone their criminal minds and are then released back into the same existence they had when they first committed their crimes. That led to the start of some states to issue three strikes policies, that still, really don't work.

To exact my own justice? The punishment should fit the severity of the crime, no matter how the punishment is served up. Biblical ways state eyes for eyes and tooth for tooth. A safe enough bet in most circumstances. Yes, I know accidents happen, but for those blatant and cruelly premeditated crimes...the more elaborate the punishment the better.

A simple and steady eroding away of all that person had. Take away their life. Take away everything they love and all things that comfort them. Make them feel so small, and so ashamed of the crimes that they committed that they no longer wish to exist. I'm not talking about killing off innocents or killing in general, just trying to take everything away from that person so that they can reasonably feel what it is like to be at suck a great loss. If they take their own life, so be it, but that would be their own decision.

Am I cruel and unreasonable? Or am I justified?

Book of Questions #2

Would you rather be part of a World Championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? What sport would you choose?

I think that the concept of competition and glory are very intimately tied. From what I understand from those that have competed, each individuals views of gratification and dedication are vastly different based on their own unique personalities. I have competed in both individual sports and team competitions. When I swam, outside of relay teams, my individual events were gratifying, even though I never finished first, for the fact of me challenging myself to excel. Granted, when I did really well, felt like i was in the zone, and met my individual goals, I did have a feeling of personal satisfaction and ego boosting. There are some things in sport that can only be savored on the individual level. It's selfish and greedy, but that's the only way that it can be experienced because the moment is so personal and intimate, and yet you can relate to others who have shared that same moment. Surfers understand this by catching a perfect wave on a lonely beach. Hikers and mountain climbers do this by reaching their summits or trail climaxes. Hunters do by being fully immersed in the hunt and the kill. Runners experience it by reaching their goal over whatever distance. Hell, even competitive eaters relish over the fact of being able to speed eat 56 hotdogs.

The team dynamic was far superior in my opinion. The ups and downs of a team far surpass the individuals goals. During water-polo matches, or any sport for that matter, most of the time a team is only as strong as it's weakest link. there were times when I screwed up and cost the team a possession or a score. That feeling was far worse than an individual failing. When you are alone and miss a turn in the pool or lag 5 seconds off your lap time, all you are is disappointed in yourself. When you mess up in a team, you have all those other individuals that are relying on you and eachother to succeed, and thus, it motivated you more to be at your best. The joys of a team victory I feel are far superior for a more fulfilling feeling without the selfish nature of self contained ego boosting. You have the chance to celebrate as a whole, with everyone contributing their best efforts towards a common goal. Seeing that smile of victory on your compadres faces is priceless. You bond with them. they are your sisters and brothers. Everyone's experience is unique, but yet communal. As if you are you're own snowflakes falling on the same log in the forest.

A good example, as in the Beijing Olympic games back in 2008. When Michael Phelps got his record number of golds, I was able to watch each of his gold medal races, but by far, the most exciting matches were the group relays. That included his last race for his record medal. I was relating more to them in those moments than on his world record individual gold races. It's the team dynamic that allowed him to get the record golds, not so much just himself. The ecstasy of celebration was far more enveloping than an individual standing solo on the winner's platform.

Group competition brings everyone together. No matter one's country, gender, race, creed, age or background. It is a unifying force that amplifies as the competition gets larger that compels the individual and the group to perform to their highest potentials despite the outcome.

back in my younger days, I had an Olympic dream. I dreamed on being on the US team and competing for the whole. for my country, for my team, for my family. Myself was mostly an afterthought. With the onset of the 2010 Vancouver winter games, the team dynamic is fully vested in the Olympic spirit. Above all else, camaraderie and brotherhood is the focus of the games. The Olympic creed has always been a favorite quote of mine, and I think perfectly states the essence of a team dynamic over an individual one.

"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well."

The quote does not center on individual glory, but instead, hints that the individual pursuit of an endeavor is far nobler than the conquest. That in itself is the sole benefit of individual competition. In my opinion, that spirit is far better formed with group goals, albeit potentially easier on the surface.

I hope I was able to answer this question in a not so confusing way.

"Destiny" by zero 7

I lie awake I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one
in this Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home I'll fly home and I'll fly home

2009 year in review

2009 was the Chinese year of the Ox. A year of work and stubbornness. Stubborn enough that the damn year didn't want to end despite everyone's wishes that it would. I honestly have yet to meet one person that did not want this year to end for whatever reasons.

If I had to classify 2009 in short, it simply sucked. Could it have been worse? Oh yes, by all means it could have, but it still sucked.

Finances- 7.5 up 1 from last year.

I don't really know why i am raising this one, but my stocks are up, so that helps. Have I saved more money this year? NO. Have I made more money this year? No. I say that they are up because things have gotten even more stable. I've even started seeing some returns on some investments for once. Not very large ones, but returns none the less. Its more so upwards because I don't seem to have a overhanging looming feeling of thinks tanking anymore, but I am still overly cautious with things. I have also made some large purchases for the first time in my life, besides good fitness equipment, a new vehicle. The loan will help establish my credit, which is good.

Work- 4 down 1 from last year.

I need a better job. There, I said it. As my friend puts it, "the margin just isn't there anymore". the money is the same, I still love my employers and most of my co-workers, but there is no change outside of that. I'm tired of having one week's schedule blending into the exact copy of the next, not having weekends off as do other people, and just not being in a good mood once I arrive to work. that's the biggest one. I'm just not happy being at work anymore. If I can't be happy, then I cant work effectively.Granted, most of that bad mood comes from working with idiots (if you haven't figured out, a pet peeve is I hate stupid people). I know, I'd get that at any job, but at least at somewhere else those people can be gotten rid of easier.

Social Life- 6 up 1.5

I still can't tell you when the last time i went out to downtown Scottsdale was, mostly because I'm not going to take a DUI on the chin. i could care less though. I have places in walking distance. My girlfriend and I have been making new friends, going to new places and have been having a good time with whoever is around. In addition, I have some new connections from work and thru the net, as well as being able to keep in touch with some family members a bit easier too. I can always get more acquaintances, so I'm not worried, but I'm content now.

Love Life- 8.5 up 1.5

I am seeing someone new. Things are good. Outside of that, its once again not really anyone's business.

Spirituality- 4 no change

I have had no changes on my stances with spirituality or church. I went to midnight mass at Christmas again with my parents and it felt good to be there. Not that I felt the presence of God in my life, but it was a positive and gentle social atmosphere where there was no kinds of hatred floating around. It is a well needed and welcome feeling while living in a world of go go go and FU.

Family-6.5 down 2

people are getting older. Some get further away. Some disappear and some pass away. This year is a bit down because our grandma passed away. She was the last of her generation and the final grandparent for our family. In the process at the funeral, we also "lost" one of her sons, my bastard uncle. we haven't heard from him since. There was a saying in the family before grandma died that when she does, he will be buried with her. So far, it has come true. he made a fiasco of the funeral and refused to attend the wake with the rest of his family. Even had the audacity to drum up some crocodile tears and then deny the family final words at the ceremony.

His children will have him pay for his mistakes, but that is far in the future.

Outside of that, my parents are getting older, are having trouble getting around and have a few lingering conditions harping them on a daily basis. No new marriages, no divorces, no new children. My parents and I were supposed to go to Hawaii, but i had to cancel the trip in March because of illness.

Health-4 down 1

This year has been a ravaging hell on my body. I did get a lot of grill work done this year. root canals, crowns, fillings. It was a lot of time and money (a reason why my finances are off), but worth it as first, I found a great dentist that I'm actually eager to go to finally and second, since junior high school-I have a good report card on my mouth from the doc. Now the rest of my body...ugh....first the tenosynovitis in my left arm, immediately followed by a crippling and scarring 3rd degree burn on my left leg left that side of my body worse for wear. Not only did all that affect my health score, but my work score, my financial score and a little of my spirituality as well. I'm still overweight, but I have dropped a couple pounds in the past weeks due to good eating. i had a nervous breakdown this year.I went to the doc to get screened for depression, but she said that my lack of motivation and malaise at times was due to boredom and possible testosterone imbalance. After the bloodwork was done, my testosterone was fine and she wanted me to get on happy pills. I ignored her requests and effectively told her off. I'll find some other way to get around this. As for now, I'm happy enough (as long as I'm not at work). :)

Total-5.71 down .04

Basically not much change. Some things went up, some went down. Either way, I expect this coming year to be a vast improvement over 2009. Hell, it already is. I had an awesome Christmas, the Cardinals are in the playoffs again, I've lost a couple of pounds and I am having fun again. I'm slated to travel to Denver next week for a weekend trip and later on in the year I have some other trips to go on to new places as well.

As well as potentially good things happening, as with things happening in 2009, I'm pessimistic enough to know that bad things do happen, and to not be surprised this year when they do. As with last year, if bad things do happen, I rolled with the punches and survived. it still sucked, but I didn't go anywhere, and I will continue to do so.

Assessing the means of motivation

"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

- William Faulkner

If there's anything that my closest of friends would tell me is that at times, I do over think things. Its said that sometimes things come easier if you don't ponder down something to the point of it being beat down to a meaty pulp embedded in the pavement. But like the wolf said to the sheep, sorry, it's just in my nature.

I've been trying to wrestle internally with my own self for the past few years now, and sometimes it gets the better of me and sometimes I best my own thoughts. However, what always seems to come up in any argument or thought process with myself or with having conversations with others is that I have a inherit lack of motivation to do, well, anything. Beforehand, i was questioning "how" to get motivated to do things. then I figured out that it may be more beneficial to ditch that tactic and instead, try to wrap my head around "why" I can't seem to get motivated. If that can get figured out, then there may be a serendipitous route around the dilemma. Where to start with that process, i honestly don't know.

Is it due to my past? Is it due to how I was raised? I know that I am a type B personality, that is unquestionable. Then again, I do know some people with similar traits of mine that are a lot more driven to accomplish things in life.

So what is the prevention cause? I currently know people who are gung-ho about attacking the corporate daily workload, who have on a whim decided to attempt to ride a bike from San Diego to Phoenix, who are currently in the process of trying to relocate their job and life to Hawaii, who can wake up daily and workout along with a full workday, who tirelessly gets to work and deals with special needs kids.

Its compelling...the ability that they have to do what they do. It also makes me a tinge jealous. I've heard all the opposing sides arguments, "You just go and do it" , " Do what makes you happy", "You need to just put your mind to it." those words, in their initial simple wisdom, seem like the simplest of tasks to accomplish.

Why does it have to be that hard? i know in my mind that it really isn't that hard. But I also know that my mind is somehow blocking myself from excelling in that realm. Complacency is a evil habit, which i have seemed to have a acute addiction to. It feels nice to do nothing at times, and I do know that sometimes, that is a very good thing, as it gives the mind a chance to rest. Unfortunately resting too long lets things get soft.

I have ideas running around, whether it is something personal, artistic, family related, job related, home related...all of which i know that I would derive great pleasure in from doing, but the initial spark, the kick in the ass to get moving just isn't happening. Its as if i went camping, set up camp, had all the tools I needed for a successful trip, then went to go to light the campfire only to find out that i only brought up one book of matches, and they're all soaking wet.

I know that at times its frustrating on my friends, family and past relationships at times too. To see someone with so much potential and have it squandered away because I just can't get to it. it strains relationships, family or otherwise, because I'll sit there, occasionally feel bad for myself, constantly bitch about the problem and have people around me bear the constant burden of said behaviors. I know the frustration can build and wear on others, and it isn't fair. I also know that those same people will be there for me with any discussion I decide to have.

I had a dream the other night. My dream was that i was at my old high school track. when you run a mile there, its the standard 4 laps to a mile. I, in my dream, decided to run that mile. before I could start though, there was a team of people practicing something in the middle of the field. they were riding horses and ostrich and playing some weird form of polo/soccer. They all charged at me all of a sudden and i was nearly trampled by said horses and ostrich. After, I started running laps for my mile. The first lap was easy, the second one was exhausting, the third lap it felt like I had lead in my shoes and could hardly lift my feet, and in the final lap, the track started to turn to mud and eventually i was knee deep in quicksand. I don't remember finishing the mile in my dream.

I've Been a Little..."Busy"

I honestly wish I could say that I've been productively busy in the past 2 months getting things done around the house and so forth, but in reality, the past few months have been a whole big world of unwarranted disappointments. I've been relatively laid up with injuries, illness, mental breakdowns and general lethargy since about August. thankfully I had a pleasant break in September with a well needed and cherished reunion back home with my best friends and brethren Ryan and Doug. The trip left us with a returned taste for the old carefree days of our youth where we only really had to worry about finishing our homework and waking up in time to commit fun events of bonding and mayhem.

Right about then, i was pretty much finished with my hand therapy. about a week after returning from our trip, I apparently decided that one chronic body injury wasn't well enough, and decided to make my way clockwise around my limbs for pain and punishment. On a Weds., 09/09/09, I had a horrible work accident that involved a 4 gallon pot of 375 degree fryer oil that left me incapacitated,crippled, and now permanently scarred. It took a week to be able to stand and hobble, another week to to basic tasks, and another two weeks to yesterday; to be able to wear shoes and socks again and do normal everyday tasks. I celebrated yesterday with a new found freedom by doing overdue 2 month yardwork, put aside home chores, shopping, cleaning and errands which took me all day due to the mass of tasks previously made unable. I still have more to do, especially since i found out yesterday when my parents will arrive to make their yearly visit to the desert next week. Yes, I know, don't overdue it. trust me,I'm not, I'm just finally happy that I'm fully functional. Granted, I haven't tried running or anything really strenuous yet, but that will come in time and need.

Its been a godsend to be able to get back into work and make money to pay bills, seeing that as of a week and a half ago, by checking account was sitting at a desolate $28 from not being able to work. Things are getting healthy again, as well as I, and there will not be any worry of being able to pay things off from here on out.

I just feel so pleased to be productive again. Before all this had happened, I had made a not-so-unreasonable to do list for things around the house and things personal, and it was frustrating as all hell to just sit on the couch or in bed staring at things I needed to do but couldn't. Now, especially with the long anticipated break in the weather, the cooler 80 degree days give added vigor in deeds. Not to mention the return of Sunday football.

I'm forever in debt to friends and co-workers and family that helped me out in all this down and out bullcrap. They've secured deeper places in my heart for it. I hope that I wouldn't have to call on you again for anything this serious or worse again, but I know that you all will be there, as I will on you.

I have a lot more to discuss, but those are to come yet soon.

40 Things i have to do before I leave this place.

3. 
   

1. Find that person and spend the rest of my time and travels with her.


2. Father a child


3. Be closer to my family


4. Ride my surfboard


5. Make my own wine


6. Remodel a home


7. Do a triathlon


8. Climb a mountain


9. Travel this country


10. Travel the world


11. Write a book


12. Attend an Olympics


13. See the Cardinals live in a superbowl win


14. Go on a cruise


15. Visit Yellowstone


16. Visit Yosemite


17. Visit the Alaskan wilderness


18. Donate blood


19. Ride 100 miles on a bike in one day


20. Hike the Grand Canyon


21. Have a recipe noticed and published


22. Run a successful business


23. Own beachfront property


24. Deep sea fish again


25. Paint a family portrait


26. Own and fix a classic car


27. Find some sort of treasure


28. Read all the classic literature books


29. Throw out a first pitch at any baseball game
30. Properly see where my father is from
31. Visit back where my mother is from
32. Hike the John Muir Trail (or a good part of it)
33. Drive the entire west coast Highway 1
34. ?
35. ?
36. ?
37. ?
38. ?
39. ?
40. ?

A book of questions #1

Last week while at a bookstore, I picked up a small paperback book called The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock PHD. its not a trivia book, nor does it have answers to any of the questions in it. Obviously, you provide the answers yourself, and each answer is uniquely your own.

Today's question is...

Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? would you be willing to spend the night alone in a remote house that is reported to be haunted?

Yes, and No are my answers.

i do believe in spirits, one obviously the soul of a person, whether it be good or bad. And two, i believe that enough bad mojo can manifest itself in an area that it becomes a bad place. There are far too many bad people in the world, present and dead, that have made this place a non paradise at times. Thankfully, for the most part, I think that people are inherently good at heart and outnumber the bad. Still though, evil spirits do manifest themselves at times and create very, very bad people or events. Hitler's Holocaust, Stalin and Saddam's mass murders, corrupt kings and queens, presidents, tyrants, generals, leaders and common men all have done horrendous and inconceivable evil acts against humanity without any rational explanation besides the fact that they are just plain evil.

As most of my friends and family know, for a while there, we believed that I had a spirit living in my current house that, while it wasn't doing anything necessarily bad, it just hung around and was a nuisance..kind of like a annoying 4Th grade bully that kept untying your shoes or stealing your juice box. it took a team of me blessing the house with holy water, and for Chris to come in and spiritually "regulate" on said spiritual bully. He hasn't bothered anyone nor really been seen since.

As for staying in a place that is reported to be a haunted place with evil spirits, um, no thanks. Not because I wouldn't be scared, of course I would, its that I'd be more afraid of those spirits potentially doing harm, either mentally or even physically to myself. Maybe if i was a priest or something or had a cleaner karma i could withstand such a potential spirited onslaught, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last currently.

This past week

I'm sorry, but I haven't been able to get around to updating recent events lately. This past week has seen a variety of doctors visits and life alterations.

Firstly, I went and got my temporary crown put on last week, and the permanent mold got sent to the lab to be formed, so in two weeks i will have my final crown installed along with a couple of fillings done, then I am happy to say that (outside of regular cleanings) i am done with my dentist. I can elect to get my bridge done at a time of my convenience in the future.

As for the results from my new doctor, I'm taking a personal over ride on that one. The blood test results came back showing everything was fine and normal with the exception of my cholesterol and triglycerides, upon which, she wanted me to get on a cholesterol med prescription. Here's my deal...I'm 32, and even though I'm a little overweight, there should be no reason that I have high cholesterol...in fact, I've never had high cholesterol. I don't think I had a long enough fasting period before the blood was drawn, which is recommended that you have between 10-24 hrs of not eating before blood was drawn. i had eaten a large meal 8 hours prior to the visit.

Also, in choosing to self medicate, all I need to do is restructure my diet and exercise more, and drink less also ( which directly affects my triglycerides). So, I'm happy to say that i haven't had any fried foods in 2 weeks, been loading up on a lot of veggies & low carb foods & toned down my drinking habits too. I also have been getting some form of exercise daily, whether it be on my elliptical, playing Carolyn's Wii games, housework or riding on my new fitness bike I bought a few days ago in my living room.

I'm happy to say that I've already lost a few noticeable pounds, and i hope to continue losing for the next 6 weeks when they want another blood test to check everything again.

I really don't want to start taking pills ( if my test results really were true) because 99% of the time, those pills have side effects that require other pills, and more pills after...etc...etc...drug companies are con artists anyways....just ask my parents.

MY tendinitis in my left arm is getting much better, so hopefully by my Aug. 11th exam it will be all but gone. then its just a matter of keeping that arm strong and flexible....or get another damn job.

Oh, the joys of pet ownership by the way...I love my box of rocks, but he's sick this week with constant vomiting and mud butt. Both of the explosive kind. i haven't been able to feed him in a day because he can't keep food down. He woke me up 3 times this morning before work with dry heaves. If this continues into tomorrow, I'm going to have to drop a lot of cash on a vet visit. thank God I have a steam cleaner.
It's been really, really hot this week, almost 120 on Sunday. My garden is nice and trimmed up and maintained, but the other day i found out I had a irrigation pipe break next to my garage...conveniently underneath the concrete slab. So, before getting my crown done, i had to sledgehammer concrete in 114 degree heat to fix the pipe (that was sooo much fun!) Well, the pipe is fixed and I poured new concrete on top to patch it all up.

Outside of that, work is hot,slow in the daytime and full of annoying drunks at night. I'm so happy that I'm a responsible and courteous drunk when I do become one, everyone else are jackasses.

On a positive spin, i got to hang out with Doug on Sunday, which was pretty damn fun. He says too, that Ryan is still planning on coming out to the states in September and that he's tried to write me, but I haven't received anything from him. I don't think that it went to my spam folder, so i don't know, i will write him instead.