Ha, ha...I'm a Teal

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's" Your Power Color?

It aint easy being green!

thats funny shit right there

Your Pimp Name Is...

Uncle Dynamite

What's" Your Pimp Name?

The best of...Volume 1

I've been thinking of the top 20 best scroggin/making out/gettin it on songs that I could think of, and said fuck it...I'll post em. Now all I have to do is take my own advice and burn them all to a CD. Don't think I could fit them all on one CD though, as number 4 is a bit long....
So without further adieu!!!
1.Only When I Lose Myself-Depeche Mode...What makes Depeche Mode a makeout song? Simply put, "Its only when I lose myself in someone else that I find myself." Dunno, but the entire album is gold..Look for Depeche Mode, The Singles 86-98. Every single song on that CD is makeout bliss. From In Your Room to the creepy Little Fifteen,Stripped, A question of Lust & I Feel You.
2.Fascination Street-The Cure...Another one song that is good solo, but the whole damn album is a make out feast. His voice is strangely attractive and mesmerizing, and the mixer beats with guitars can't be beaten.
3.How Soon is Now-The Smiths...I don't care if the guy is gay, but Morrissey's voice can set you in a trance. Add the synthesized background, the more upbeat pace, and the damn length of the song too..its a good 7 minutes to suck face to.
4.Cafe Del Mar volume 1.-Buddha Bar...If you can find it, buy it...but more than likely download it. There is only one song, and its 1 hr long. A mix of house, ambient, cross cultural remixes. The only vocals on it are occasional chants. Remixes of mandolins, Asian flutes, sitars, guitars, synthesizers and trance. Imagine mixing a dance club joining playing throbbing, slow grinding jams in a Cost Plus market.
5.Cream-Prince...Prince, the artist formerly known as, whatever...the boy can put out a sex funk like no other. A lot of funk, a little blues, and some rock beats is like honey in your ears. And since you know what Prince is all about, the lyrics are no surprise..."Cream...get on top..." I don't think he's talking about the dairy product.
6.Oh Sweet Nuthin..The Velvet underground...Smooth and silky. The lyrics mesh so well with a jazzy folkish background that you'll feel like sitting in the backseat of your car again. The song is so damn mellow and flows so good that even when you notice it intensify, you're so into the song that you'll find yourself picking up the pace.
7.Fade Into You-Mazzy Starr...Another classic. Mazzy's voice is almost a whispy sensuous breath in your ear. The acoustic guitar, tambourine and pianos are not dominating, and at times you need to listen intensely for them, but it is a must have.
8.Closer-Nine Inch Nails...Played at every bar, strip club and frat party...but it still is just as effective in the heat of passion. Its simply a cut to the chase song. Not a good tune to start making out with, but once the clothes start flying off, this is the one you want pumping on the stereo.
9.Sing for Absolution-Muse...This guy is so into his woman in this song, that your girl will think the same of you. The singer is going for your gut on this one, and he does get there. He's almost operatic and just about singing a ballad. the groovin drum beats, piano and bass heighten your senses, and the song picks up pace in perfect timing.
10.Amber-311...mix together a little reggae so cal beat with a modern day twist and you got this little love song. 311 isn't known for many slow songs, but this is a damn good one. Look into their remake of the Cure's "Love Song" too.
11.Run-Snow Patrol...A spin off of Coldplay's success, Snow patrol is another Brit band. His voice does well in sounding passionate and wanting. the background bass and drums are almost disturbingly eerie, but push the line well.Pay attention to the lyrics the first time, it'll add to the experience next time. The song is about a love going away and eagerly awaiting its return..."even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.."
12.Lost-Vast...Vast is a weird eclectic almost cultish band. I highly recommend listening to their stuff. His haunting melodic voice sounds Bono-ish, only better. The band uses a lot of mixing, dubbing, orchestral, operatic chanting and hypno trance beats. The kind of tune you want to just kiss lightly to, caress deeply and stare at with.
13.Karma Police-Radiohead...Yes, the song is a little depressing, but the bass, piano and echoing vocals set a deep and passionate, almost hypnotic setting.
14.Who's gonna ride your wild horses-U2...Bono's voice is breathless, slightly labored, reverbing and piercing. The passion of this song alone will set a mood. Add deep bass and classic U2 guitar riffs. Not that you'll be paying attention to the lyrics, but its a impressive love story. "Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?Who's gonna taste your saltwater kisses? Who's gonna take the place of me?"
15. Doin It-LL.Cool J...Who says east Coast rap can't make it big time into a make out session? LL can bring it, slow enough and damn sexy too. Calling your girl a peach, and having her spread out on the hood of your car. Damn straight.
16.Never Say Never- Romeo Void...Plain and simply stated..I might like you better if we slept together. Screw the makeout session, this is a scroggin song.
17.Sexbomb-Tom Jones...Dude! Its fucking Tom JONES! Enough said! Sets you in that "let's go to Vegas" and have a make out fest. Throw in some big band horns, a kicking bass beat and classic Mr. Jones confidence in the vocals...and damn, she'll be good to go.
18.Faithfully-Journey...the first girl I ever went out with was a Journey FREAK, and proceeded to stomp all over my heart, thus ruining every single Journey song except this one. This song WILL be in my wedding I swear. The ending vocals alone will get the panties wet, the slow start, the rocking finish. This is the epitome of every prom night back in the day.
19.Hey Now, Hey Now-Crowded House...the 80's revival continues the struggle. The lyrics suck, but the tempo, echoing voices and bass beat set the mood.
20.I Just died in your arms tonight- Air Supply-Cheesy..super cheesy! Not even as good as government cheese, but it still gets the job done somehow.

Back to the world

Ahh yes, the epitome of a man. Sitting stoic, content and with his trusty sidekick. Welcome back to the world though. The trip was as expected an all around success. Went to work Weds night, came home, packed and dilly dallied around Thurs. Did I sleep? Hells no. Tossed and turned till 4am when I headed over to Chris' house. We were on the road by 530.
Made it to the site at 730 in record time.
An enjoyable first day with Chris, Greg and I. Drinking in the afternoon, passing the hell out later...
Ryan "cobbler man" showed up later that evening and we all just chilled around the fire boozing and joshing at eachother. Next day is when I guess you could say things got a little sour...but that wasn't gonna stop my ass. Got up, had breakfast, we all popped a few beers, I went to take a nap. I slept on my arm wrong, woke up quick and jumped up the wrong way...throwing my shoulder out. The pain that ensued for the next 2 1/2 days was intolerable. I could leave it alone and be fine, but any bending over, lifting up my arm or anything strenuous would send me into a tirade of explicatives and hollers that resembled childbirth...and to be honest, I'd rather have given birth than deal with that shit. Speaking of shit...ever try to punch one out with a sore back and thrown out shoulder? Not pretty...but yeah, TMI.
Saturday Doug, Chris' brother Bill and his wife and kids-Liam and Jett, Dale and Mary all showed up. Bill, the wife and the kids only spent the afternoon up because Jett has a severe sinus infection and is having bad asthma right now.
So we all stayed up the weekend, laughed our asses off, pulled plenty of drunken shenanigans on the passed out unfortunate (and I never want to see Chris' ass ever again!). The beauty of it is that the shennanegined had no idea that they got punked...they even thanked us afterwards for not fucking with them. Can't wait till they see the photos.
Doug, Greg, and Ryan left Sunday night. Dale and Mary stayed the extra night and called out of work the next day. Dale and I went and hunted for squirrel a bit, but didn't get any. I did manage to bag 2 crows on the trip though. The first one was not in good enough shape to mount, and the second flew/fell down the side of the cliff. They are not really good to eat and in fact are a nuisance of a scavenger species, destroying crops, spreading disease and hindering the population of other animals that need to grow in population.
Feel free to insert a tree hugging liberal comment here.......................
Rest assured that your point will be dually noted and respected, but please no preaching or condemning.
Dale and Mary left on Monday afternoon, and Chris and I stayed one more night. Got up this morning and left around noon. Too bad too, the weather got perfect as we left. 80 degrees when we left. No major probs with the weather. About 70 everyday, 40's at night. Sat and Sunday it was brief thunderstorms, rain for 5 minutes, and then stop for an hour. It did sleet once for 3 minutes, which was kinda cool, yet concerning...I just held my drink up for more ice...
Did some off roading, some exploring, picture taking and wildlife viewing. Saw a good sized flock of wild turkey, one female elk, one young female deer, hawks, crows, squirrels, chipmunks and one very hairy tarantula. Saw a couple of lookout points that gave me a case of vertigo...Interesting, yet kinda frightening. Saw some spots that showed a little bit of Arizona History. Battlecreek ridge and the General Crook trail, where General Crook fought Geronimo.
OF course some people who said that they were gonna show up didn't...and that just makes my put them off my xmass card list..but still on the last BJ on earth list. I won't name names, but lets just say that Laura doesn't know this site really exists.
All in all another successful trip, and a eagerly awaited one at that. The next one is up in February, and its oh so far away.

Have we forgot about Scuba Steve?

I was recently talking to someone about our old friend Scuba Steve. Has he been forgotten? Let to drown and get picked at by all the fishes on the bottom of the sea?No....Scuba Steve is just hiding, waiting until he is called opon once again to swim the ocean blue in search of booty. So Scuba Steve gained a few pounds and has a little trouble fitting in his wetsuit now...He can pull it off, he just has a little middrift showing.

What was the point of Scuba Steve? A chance of adventure, heroism and stealth. I'm gonna go pull a scuba Steve commando mission and the bar tonight. Or Scuba Steve is gonna get your ass when you're not watching. Or Scuba Steve is the romantic guy "popping" up at just the right time in the pool with a hottie. Scuba Steve is debonair, a man of few words (well, he does have a air tube in his mouth), a man on a mission....Who isn't afraid to go deep or go home.

So I say no...Scuba Steve is still around, just in different forms. He's the guy stealing pens at work, the guy grabbing 20 packs of hot sauce at taco bell, or the guy taking home the hot chick at the bar you didn't even think he had a chance with. Witness his power and strive to be like Mr. Scuba!

Sweet Freedom

I'm a FREE MAN Jerry! Free I tell you!
Its finally opon me. A week of sweet sweet freedom from everything. I'll be arriving in Jack and coke land and staying at Captain Morgans house within a span of 20 hrs.
The bags are packed, the food prepped, weapons ready, beer stocked and the truck gassed. I'll be cruising out at 4 am Friday morning. I could have left today, but chose to get some other stuff done and run errands instead. Needless to say this first of 6 days off is plenty relaxing.
We are looking at opting to head back into town late Tuesday possibly instead of Weds. Chris has got some business to tend to on Thursday and needs his recovery day. AS he will too...I think that boy is gonna get fucked up on our trip.
Latest reports from up there, 77-83 day temps, 43-56 nighttime. Chance of rain on sat and sunday. A little rain dont hurt, shit, I've been through the tail end of a tropical storms coming out of Mexico one January...now THAT was fucking rain. That storm dumped 11 inches of snow on the nearby mountains to us in less than 6 hours.
So in that regard...I say tally-ho! Off to camp I go! Y'all still are welcome to come up if you can, we'll be there all week. See you on the flip side!

its almost go time!

ITs so close I can taste it. And with all the health issues, work stress and unneeded drama...I need to GTF out of dodge!
Two more shifts left then I'm a free man. I should have had one left, but I got asked to work tonight because one of my other bartenders got hospitalized (ironically on HIS camping trip) and is unavailable tonight. Its alright, I'll pull a cool $200 tonight working for him, which I will definitely need the next coming week.
So far...the current update is that of 12 confirmed people...our largest group up there ever. I think the busiest night will be Saturday or Sunday night.
There is a remote possibility that the group may expand to 16 -20 people, but for now we are good at 12.
Looks like Mr. Huezo will be able to loan his nuts back for a night as he goes up without the broad nagging his ear off. It'll be good to see an old buddy again...get him to GFU land and have him pass out...only to pull shenanigans on him....hmmmm...magic marker anyone??! Last time we pulled stuff on a passed out party-goer up there it consisted of a passed out army buddy and a 1/4 bottle of cholula hot sauce in his mouth.
There is another possible guest appearance by a special someone too. She may go if Huezo goes...which would be a VERY pleasant surprize. THEN...that would be a party right there! We would put last year's Camp "Blaze" to shame....
Jenny is getting jumpy...she always does when all the gear starts to get laid out before we leave...I usually have to lock her up while I load the truck or else she'll just be in the way getting all up in my business "can we go now?can we go now?can we go now?can we go now?..huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?huh?"
Cooked up the chicken for homemade fajitas last night, so those are good to go for eatin good up there. Everything else is prepped and packed...all that is left is to work 2 shifts, pack the truck up, get ice and gas and get the freggin hell out of here!

Health Issue Update

First, the good news...with the usage of the prescription allergy medicine samples that the doc gave me, the symptoms have subsided a little. I can go one or two days feeling normal until I have a relapse of shortness of breath and severe congestion. So that may be a good sign that this may just be a severe allergic reaction.
The bad news is....that my doctor's staff are incompetent cunts! Let me set the stage for you...the receptionist/ doc assistant is an IT. By an IT, I mean...preopt shemale. Imagine a 350 lb overweight Latino with bitch tits. Stick a wig on it, add the 5 o'clock shadow, hairy ass arms and the falsetto female voice. No joke man! Even if you are in perfect health going in to just get a physical, you will be leaving there feeling ill.
So anyways, I go in 2 weeks ago Thursday (remember...2 weeks ago now...). Get examined, draw blood, etc...my doc says that IT will schedule testing at the hospital the following week (last week). I get out to the reception area, and IT takes my info down, gives me the X-Ray form so I can go and do a walk- in for that one and then I ask IT...TWICE..."you are going to call and schedule an appointment at the hospital, then call me with a time and date right?" It said yes...TWICE! Well...it was 5:45 pm when I left the doc's office, so IT couldn't call that day. IT never called the next day(Friday) and the office was closed the weekend, so I wait til the next weekday. And then the next, and the next, and the next....I called a week after the initial visit and left a message. IT called back and left a message saying IT forgot and will call the hospital tomorrow(Friday) and schedule a time. Well, once again, IT never called to schedule anything. Its now been TWO FUCKING weeks since the initial visit, and 3 weeks of having symptoms.
So now I have to call again today and try to get a hold of IT again to try and schedule something AFTER I get back from a weeks vacation! WTF guys!
God help IT if this ends up being a serious condition, for I will go and kick IT in whatever junk IT has left down there.
On a lighter note...I went to the dentist Monday (fuuuunnnnn!) and got the ball rolling on stuff I need to get done in my choppers. I'll be dropping $700 on an extraction and prosthetic replacement on a busted baby tooth that had no replacement grow underneath. So I get back from camping next Weds...and then get worked on that Friday. Gives me something to look forward to when I get back.