updates

I've added a few new elements to the blog and tweaked a few settings, locations of gadgets, changed songs on my player, etc...One of which I kinda like, off to the right, which is "follower of the blogsite". Its easier if you are already a member of blogger.com or blogspot.com, but you may still be able to follow anonymously. It lets me know who likes to consistently read my site. I always wondered who is webstalking me. Feel free to explore around.

Week 2 so far

Well, so far this week has been calming and relaxing. I worked Tues and Weds, and on Weds night we went out to Frashers in Scottsdale for a nice dinner. We all had the dinner special, grilled Ono tuna with greens and a citrus cream sauce and our choice of sides. We all opted for creme brulee for dessert. Its a really nice restaurant that is dirt cheap for what you get, plus the atmosphere is relaxing. We ate in the dining room, but they also have a lounge and a bar area. So far all the times I've eaten there, I've been very happy.

This morning we all woke up, and since I had the day off, we headed out for the day. While we were out, we had the option to pass by a apartment building listing for sale. Wasn't worth it. In fact, it was in a area I was sent to before, so once I arrived I knew that it was no good. I'd rather not go to a building I own to check up on it and have to bring a sidearm.

We left the building and headed over to the Phoenix Art Museum for a few hours. It was a good time and we all saw a lot of good pieces there. Their monthly special gallery was cowboy art, and a few of them were so greatly painted that it was surreal. You expected to step into the painting. Dad really liked those. We went through the abstract, classical, fabrics, sculpture and mixed media sections for a few hours before making a pit stop in the gift shop to browse. I picked up my annual Christmas ornament for this year there, along with a pair of "Buddha Boards". Best way I can describe it, its a slate board with a strange finish on it. They give you a calligraphy brush to dip in water, then you make brush strokes on the board. The wet areas turn dark and stay there for about 5 minutes before it dries away, supposedly leaving you and the board with a clean slate. I got one for me and one for a undetermined gift.

We got out of there about 2 and headed over to the Chinese grocery store to pick up dinner and some other items. I love this store. Its dirt cheap, with good quality items. The downside of it is that its 16 miles away from home. We ended up getting 3 mackerels, 2 packs of whole sardines, 2 packs of whole mussels, some spices, taro root, shallots, chilis, fresh rolls and one whole large red snapper. We had the snapper, baked Portuguese style for dinner. It was tasty, but the fish was a bit mushy. Its the breed of fish. Usually we use a rockfish or other firm fish, but this one looked good, so we tried it out. No matter, we ate it anyways.

After dinner, Dad watched his Thursday wrestling and I made a banana bread and a pumpkin bread. While they were in the oven, I tackled updating my desktop computer. I never use the thing hardly since I have this laptop, so it keeps out of date. Two hours later, its done.

My folks made a few points today. Its true what they say, that as you get older, you don't have much time for bullshit, so you say whats on your mind. So far I've gotten out of them that I need to hurry up and try to move home, that I should get a better job, that I need to be even more careful with my money than I already am, and that tonight especially-I need to lose weight because I have a little belly. Thanks guys, and yes, I know. I've gained about 15 lbs and I have a little belly. I'm also self-conscious about it and unfortunately unmotivated to do anything about it. I just can't get in the mood. That goes with a lot of things though. Generally unmotivated. That currently sums it up.

Anyways, manana is another day, and another work day at that. Hope to make some cash.

Mom & Pop's week one

Apparently mom and pop found it necessary when they first arrived here last Sunday to try out the foosball table in the first 5 minutes. They ended in a tie. It's just funny to see two 70 yr olds dueling it out in a slow grudge match for foosball supremacy. It's been a mixed week so far of randomly shifting weather and social outings. They arrived to a 70 degree cow front only to have it go back up to 98 degrees four days later. Dad does what he does best in working religiously in the yard to surpass my standards in lieu of his own, walking jenny once or twice a day, napping on the couch and making sure to watch his wrestling. Mom uses me as a outlet to get out of the house when time permits and go shopping or go out to see or do something with cultural value.

I ended up taking them to a Broadway show at ASU last Thursday. We saw The Rat Pack, a touring impersonation song and comedy show based on Sinatra, Sammy Davis and Dean Martin. It was a very good show and the actors sang, danced and acted exactly like the original artists. Dad really liked it, which is funny because he is always...ALWAYS pessimistic about going and doing anything outside his safety bubble, but as always, he finds himself really enjoying himself. Such a hypocrite at times.

I had asked off the weekend at work to have a good family dinner and possibly to head out of town, but the trip fell through. Saturday I made a roasted turkey, green bean casserole, stuffing and pumpkin pie. A early preemptive thanksgiving if you will seeing that I never make it home for turkey day any longer. I invited some people over, but only my buddy Chris and my cousin Chris were able to make it over. It was good to have my cousin over and let him have family time. Since he moved out here for school he has been very homesick and in need of release. After a long dinner and talking, Both Chris' and I decided to give him that release he needed and walked up to the bar. We chatted and laughed for hours and even gave an impromptu karaoke singfest via the jukebox at fox & hound before i decided to get my cousin out before the bar did. Captain stumbles however was...how can I say...unable to walk without support. Hello shopping cart. My cousin had his own personal taxi service back to the house. Dragging him inside was another daunting task. Trying to guide and carry a 6'4" boy inside to pass out was near impossible. He made it to the bedroom floor where he passed out cradling a bucket. I stayed up to watch over and make sure he passed out alright. The boy had fun and he thanked me, but it may be a while before he can hang with the big boys. I'll give him advanced training the next few sessions.

Sunday was a nice long, lazy hungover couch day. Leftovers for dinner and a early bedtime.

Today dad and I decided to excavate the recently dead 13 ft palm tree in the front. Two men, sharp instrumental tools, a chain saw, brute strength and an hour and a half later, we had palm tree logs, a new hole dug and a new navel orange tree planted in the front. Dad is passed out now and will be for a few hours. It was good exercise, which I definitely feel is needed-twenty axe and pick axe blows and I'm sweating and panting in 90 degree heat. It was good bonding time too, and we got something done. I'm making slow cooked rib tips in homemade bbq sauce for dinner, which we will gobble up before dad has his wrestling on tonite.

We'll see what week two brings.

seriously?? fourteen thousand??

Today I got a very unpleasant wake up call. I was balancing my books and paying a few bills when I turned on the TV to see that the stock market crashed down 700 points again today. Curiously...or warily, I went to double check my investments to see that in the past 5 days I had lost over fourteen...yes, fourteen thousand dollars in the market. That's a car...a down payment on a property or something big.

I know that there are a lot of other people out there with investments too that are hurting too...my buddies Ryan and Doug, friends at work, and family. My dad is getting owned big time. His three major accounts were with Wachovia, Washington Mutual and Wells Fargo. Two banks went under. His two accounts should just transfer over to the new bank, but he also has a ton of investments in the same American Century brokerage that I do that is tanking based on the market too.

My idealology though is not one of dispare. On seeing that crash today, I put a market order to buy in the morning while the market is still crashed. Simple logic....buy whatever you can when the market is low, wait, sell high. It still stings though to lose over 25% of your investments that you worked so hard at in making and putting faith into the markets with.

Ouchie.

all I want for Christmas

I was poised with the question from a friend recently about what I would like for Christmas. Really? This early? I can't say I'm not guilty, I've already started my Christmas shopping. I don't have to deal with crowds, traffic, and insane holiday prices. Most of my shopping is online and shipped anyways. Usually too, on the rarity that I am asked this question, I always play it down and say that I never ask for anything. Well this year I have some ideas of useful items that I could benefit from having around.

A shower suction cup shaving mirror-My old one of 7 years finally broke the other day and I'm fairly certain its toast.

Socks & chonnies-they're old, holey and just plain ugly.

A weight bench with a leg lift option-fitness, plain and simple, need to do it.

A new cooler-my large camp cooler is still good, but my normal cooler is just not pulling it's weight any longer.

Dog toys for Jenny- nothing small, preferably fuzzy and squeaky to replace her beaten old ones. She hates rawhide & indestructible kong toys btw..

Playstation 3- sorry, I need my token needless gaming, but I don't see this one happening, so It'll go on my own personal shopping list to get myself along with a 50 inch LCD flatscreen TV, a spa and a new bike.

A new blender- Like my shower mirror, my first blender ever took a crap last week. I am smoothie-less currently.

Weird and exotic foods and spices- I'm a foodie and I love trying new things in the kitchen. Besides, chances are I'll cook something up or serve them to you, so in essence, you are treating yourself too.

Lastly, either come and visit me or go on a trip with me- The time spent, along with the experiences are priceless, whether it be going someplace local, or new, or out of town.

There, that should be greedy enough of me.

the start of...fall??

Ah yes fall. The long days of summer are long gone, the nights are cooler and the days perfect. The start of the soon to arrive winter breezes are arriving, blowing through the mix of vibrant warmly colored leaves that line the streets.

Then I moved to Arizona. For 13 years I haven't had a fall. It's October first today. It's also still 100 degrees. It won't reach "fall" temperatures until about December 1st. Then it'll be winter soon. See here in Arizona, we have two seasons. Nice and warm and ungodly hot. Occasionally there will be a two week fluke of sub freezing temperatures in the middle of January, but then it'll be 65 degrees and clear again. There isn't any vivid signs that the seasons are changing here either. Here's the scenery in Arizona, seasonally, in a nutshell...

Spring-dusty and brown

Summer-dusty and brown and fucking hot as hell

Fall-dusty and brown and still hot

Winter-see spring.

That said, tonight I got back from work off my double shift into a opening shift today, made leftovers for dinner, balanced books and paid bills, and then took Jenny on her first walk since before June. The night time temps finally dropped below 80 degrees and the 100+ day temps are not being held in the pavement late anymore as to burn her paws. She was excited to finally get out and make our 2 mile walk. She's out cold now in the middle of the living room now.

I'll be passing out soon too. I need to wake up early and do yard work & chores all day on my day off, including cutting down a dead palm tree. Maybe...I'll take a closer look before I do, but I haven't seen green or new shoots in weeks.

something smells funny

Continuing with my nostalgic mood, there are certain smells that I can vividly remember to tie in with my past. Experts say that the sense of smell is the strongest sense that humans can relate to in terms of memory. I can agree with that. Its a direct correlation between the past and physical memory. Certain things just smell like...well home...

1.) Apple crisp via my mom

A lot can be said about mothers home cooking. Everyone had a mother, and despite her cooking prowess or failures, a mom is usually known for a certain dish that is memorable. My mom, to me is memorable for her apple crisp. You can have apple pie, cobbler and apple what not all you damn want, but my mom is the end all be all of apple crisp. It definitely helps that my mom's apple dish stems from the fact that we grew, and still do grow our own apples. That store bought apple byproduct crap just cant hold a candle to home grown loving. The mix of granny smith and gravestine apples slowly cooking in a mix of cinnamon, sugar, other spices and a tasty crumbly crust would make a stern man swoon. I've gone as far as driving 30 miles for a pizza here in AZ, but I would easily drive the 740+ miles or the circumference of the planet for one spoonful of my mom's apple crisp.

2.) Hospital sanitarium

As much as I would like to anally clean my home, and I try to do, The cleansing smell of a sanitised hospital ward smells eerily good to me. I like the pristine conditions that a hospital provides. Unfortunately, as with the times that I have been in a hospital, most times that you are there, whether it be visiting or as a patient, it is masked by the fact that if you are in a hospital, it's usually is a bad time. Not that I wish for my home to smell 100 % hygienic, but there is some sort of comforting feeling for me to smell clean.

3.) Noxious car odors

Everyone loves that new car smell. The first time I truly smelt it was when I was 8 and my parents bought themselves a new 1984 Honda civic. Every time I smell a new car smell in it's destructively chemically new car goodness, I say to myself.."Hey, it smells like my parent's new Honda." Self explanatory.

4.) Sea salt

Whenever I drive home, I look forward to reaching Los Banos, which is within 60 miles of over the river and through the woods of reaching home. At that time, the San Joaquin valley and the eastern deserts give way to the offshore breeze of the pacific. Your skin feels the moisture and is no longer starved for lubrication and your nose smells the change in the air. I know I'm home. It's one of the most comforting feelings I can think of. The air is cold charged, but it still wraps around you like a childhood blanket. I always turn off my air conditioning there and embrace the home air.

5.) My Dad

It's proven in animals that certain scents of pheromones will identify a family member from outside sources. Such is that with my Dad. His scent is one that only myself or my mother can identify with. It's musky and somewhat sweaty and sweet. Hinted with flavors of old spice and toiled soil and plants, it is my father. Others outside our intimate circle may find it repulsing and dirty, but I do not, it smells like my father, and for that, I wouldn't change it for anything.

6.) Sao Jorge...Saint George cheese

Sorry, its a Portuguese thing. To most of the other people in the world, cheese from Sao Jorge smells like the business end of a NFL sock. It may very well taste the same if you are not of the adventurous side. Going into a Portuguese market in Newark, California and buying a pound of the smelly dairy goodness is a rite of passage for me. I love the cheese, and embrace it's stench with open arms. There is a saying wherein it goes something like, if you're buying Portuguese cheese and it smells that bad...it must be from Sao Jorge.

7.) Baseball leather

I spent many a year and many of baseball gloves playing little league back home in Cali in various teams. We played from late spring to early fall, but that fresh leather mitt smell was always the same. The smell of the mitt was a solidifying agent to all that was going on around during the baseball season...the late afternoon games on the field, the camaraderie with your teammates, the ice cream truck coming by at 5 pm, the coolers full of sodas awaiting you win or loss and of the age of your innocence in general. Its true that they say that of kids of all ages, baseball is America's pasttime. With one whiff of a glove, it all comes back.

8.) Pigeon dandruff

My Dad raises pigeons...there, I said it. Apparently its a rite of passage for men from Portugal coming off the boat to raise pigeons. Some to eat, and some for show. My dad raises then to eat. He breeds king pigeons, which are about or bigger than a chicken. A bit gamey and tough, but hell, if you stew them enough, it tastes better than a shoe. I'll eat it, but I've never been a dark meat man. Anyways, when I was a kid growing up, I used to play with my Dad's birds. Occasionally I'd bring them outside and let them loose on the grass ( they are too fat and stupid to know how to fly ), and have my way with them. Eventually I was able to make a good amount of them tame. Somehow I usually picked the ones that Dad didn't eat as my pets..or Dad didn't eat them because they were my pets. Either way, the birds always had a certain smell about them. It was musty, with a certain spice to them. Like if you hadn't washed your bed pillow for a while. It was warm and dominating seeing that you were holding a live creature that didn't know if it was to live the next day.

I'm sure there are more, wet slow rains, damp warm oak trees, salt flats, spring nectarine blossoms, pine trees, rose blooms, the incense of a catholic church's frankincense, your hair after a summer's day of swimming lessons, but that encompasses all I can muster at this time.

10 songs that shaped my youth

I think I really started listening to music on the radio about 7th grade, with most of my media beforehand coming from TV and movies. For most of Jr. High at McKinley, it was radio, but towards the end I started to branch out and actually buy cassettes and later on CD's. High school I was a mix tape fiend. Buying, compiling, recording and playing them over and over again. Once I had access to a car, well it was all over then because I was mobile and able to crank my tunes on the road. Today however, I sat down and thought of how much music influences my life, past and present. I tried to nail down 10 songs, from my childhood to my 18th birthday that had the most impact on my life. Henceforth, I present them here, with a written description, and I have also uploaded all 10 to the mp3 player below for you to hear. They will play, and I will write about them in my personal chronological order when they became important to me, not in actual discography dating.

1. Duran Duran, A view to a Kill-1985

I think this may have been my first actual recorded song. How I got it was as stupid as the song itself. My folks had a illegal HBO box on their TV...you know the kind where you had to turn a dial and tune in Tokyo?? Well, when it did work, we got the fledgling HBO network. One day, as a spry 8 yr old, I was watching the James Bond flick- A view to a Kill. Not only was I introduced to Mr. Christopher Walken (so cool), but James Bond himself ( not as cool, but ok). The only recordable media was a handheld tapedeck player/recorder, probably circa 1970-something. I would pop in a unknown tape, press record, and hold the damn thing to the tv speaker to record not only the song, but the movie itself. Little did I know that the tape I was recording on was my Dad's recording of all his brothers & sisters singing Portuguese songs as a gift to my grandparents on their 50th anniversary...oops.

2. LL Cool J, I'm Bad-1988

I still use this song at the gym for motivation, and always will. My buddy Ryan and I went down the rap route while others went mainstream rock. Ryan also went to karate class, so we would spar with each other in his living room. He only ad one set of pads, so we would alternate wadding up socks for gloves and punch the heck out of each other. It would usually end up resulting in a trashed room, bruises, sweat, and a whole lot of stupid laughter upon a errant ball shot. We would go ballistic on each other during certain lines of the song. We knew the lyrics were coming and we individually braced ourselves for the upcoming onslaught each time. Ryan's was- "Kamikaze! Take a look at what I've done! Used to rock in my basement, now I'm number one."

I was " I'll treat you like a stepchild, so tell mommy bye bye! So all you other MC's, I'll never get whipped, when I retire I'll be worshipped like an old battleship!"

Amazing how the undertones of each line can directly relate to what or where we are in life now.

3. Depeche Mode, Blasphemous Rumors 1992

I fell from grace, and my religion about when I first listened to this song. I was going to the catholic church at Mt. Carmel for all my youth and I hated it. I hated it because I was made to believe in something that I not only didn't understand, but had no interest in learning about. Now days I am more open to the topics of religion and faith, and will freely talk about any of them. I do not actively practice a faith now. At the time, I was starting out in high school and was entering my rebellious stage. I would either sneak out of Sunday mass, feign oversleeping or sickness until it came to a point where I'm sure, my parents just stopped making me go. They would still ask me after that if I wanted to go, and more times than not, I would say no. I also started questioning the ideas of faith and death with this song. I had not experienced death up close, so I had no concept of how faith would interact during that situation. I had no idea of how soon it would hit home.

4. Alphaville, Forever young 1991

My first experience with this song co-insided with my first rememberable death and funeral. During the fall of 1991, my cousin Sonya was killed in a drunk driving rollover accident after riding in the back of a car without her seatbelt on, driven by a 16 yr old boy leaving a house party in the surrounding hills. Going highway speeds down a one lane curved road should be explanation enough of what happened.

I remember walking into the funeral home with my parents to see a packed house. Family, friends, neighboors all packed the pews. There was a mob of people up by her casket, mostly of her friends. The director ushered them aside to make way for us family members. In a flash, there she was. It was odd. She looked alive and I expected her to open her eyes. I noticed that her forehead looked odd. From all the family members kissing and crying over her, her makeup was slowly coming off, revealing the blackened trauma that killer her.

Despite that, I walked away numb and sat in the side pews next to her. In the background the chapel was playing a tape of her favorite songs. This song came on and I tuned in. By the first chorus, I understood, and then broke down. I tend to still become misty on this song, or I change it.

5. The Cure, Pictures of You 1992

I borrowed this tape compilation, "All Mixed Up" from my cousin Tina during the summer of 1992 and it took constant persistence and nagging for me to give it back to her. I was obviously starting to notice girls at that time, and this song seemed fitting to my numerous minute long infatuations of girls walking down the halls of my high school, or at the park, or driving around in Ryan's car during that summer. Yet I had yet to actually make a girlfriend out of any of them, let alone talk to one with confidence. It would take a long time, about 6 more years before I actually called someone a girlfriend. Until then, those "pictures of you" varied from Sears catalogues, yearbooks or prom pictures.

6. Stone Temple Pilots, Plush 1993

Enter the rebellion years. Doug and Ryan were graduating high school and I was entering my senior year. Doug had a mustang and a drum set. In both places we turned the volume up to full strength and belted our lungs out. We didn't know what the hell the song was about, but it sounded rockin and loud, sexual and manly, so we abused the hell out of this song. That and we sang it very well too. We were thrust into the grunge genre. Flannel tops, jeans and a degenerative malaise that accompanied the music. It was dirty and different, and we liked it. You get Doug and I in the same room, car or bar when this song comes on, go grab your earplugs because its going to get loud.

7. U2, Until the end of the World 1993

This song, if not the entire "Achtung Baby" album, may very well be my number one favorite song ever. All the aspects of the song appealed to me. The beats, the guitars, the effects, the lyrics. It wasn't a happy song, but it didn't sound depressing at the same time. You were just entwined in the song itself. Everytime I hear this song, its as if the sound reaches in my head and grabs my squishy brain. I'm thankful that my music was progressing from tapes to CDs at this point because I burned out that tape a very, very long time ago by always playing it in the car. There isn't really a single story to this song. The album was almost always playing in the car when I drove somewhere or in my stereo at home. I first started hearing this album in the summer of 1991, but it took 2 years for me to fully appreciate it. My most vivid memory would have to be tagging along with Ryan to his piano lesson in San Mateo in his white Honda just so I could stay in the car and listen to it for the 45 minutes or so while he was inside. I just sat there in the alley that Saturday morning and listened to music, singing my head off.

8. Journey, Faithfully, 1994.

My first heartbreak and the start of hating Journey. I was midway through my senior year in high school. It was Christmas time and I had been talking to a girl named Sarah Fisher for a month or so. She was about 5 ft tall with a D size rack. She was acquaintances with my friend Sue and I had asked her to the winter formal dance. We went out once to catch a movie-The Pelican Brief, and afterwards we drove around and ended up at a rest stop on Skyline that overlooked the reservoirs and cities below at night. I had my first kiss there. During Christmas break we talked daily on the phone and hanged out often. On New Year's Day, I went over to her house before my family showed up at mine for the day's party. We made out for a few hours and got pretty heavy, but no sex. All the time, she had Journey playing on loop on the stereo.

Less than a week later she told me she was done with me, but would still let me take her to winter formal. Turns out she was notorious in her circle of friends (or dwindling circle), that included my crush Sue, for moving in on a guy just to squash any hopes of her friend dating a guy first. After I left high school, I found out that she was stuck working at a baskin robbins up the road and got pregnant within a year of graduation. Hope she got knocked up to this song...bitch.

9. Pearl Jam, Release Me 1994.

Unlike other people, family included, I love to just go and drive. My favorite time to drive is late at night when there is nobody on the roads. I would get off of work at my godfather's ice cream store at about 10pm and just drive around for an hour listening to music. I'd take the long way home, the out of the way ways, the highways, the forest roads. I'd go get a donut or taco bell. I'd drive by family member's houses and see if any lights were on. I'd just drive. It gave me a escape to drive...a "release".I'd usually drive around with a mix tape of slow, not too intense songs, and this would be the best one. There are obviously a lot of undertones regarding the title itself, ranging from a release from my parents, from work, from a girl or life in general. Today it still is the best song that I can sing. I still cue it up once in a while when I drive home from work at 4 in the morning.

10. Catherine Wheel, Fripp 1994

This is the only song I don't wish was on here. Don't get me wrong, I like the song. Its very relaxing and mellow, and usually helps me relax after a long day with a bottle of wine. I need the bottle of wine to get rid of the memory along with the song. In the summer of 1994 my parents took me to see the town in the Azores islands where my father was born and raised. I wanted nothing to do with it at the time. I went with them because I thought I was made to go. I was done with high school, in the best shape of my life, and was "training" for a potential swimming career at ASU as I took a semester off before starting college in January of 1995.

My father wished to show me around the town, the island, the buildings and farms where he walked, played, worked and raised his family. I however could have cared less at the time. When we walked around town, I walked separate from them. I didn't like eating with them, nor much at all talk. A lot of the time I spent listening to my walkman in the hotel room. This, out of all the other songs, I listened to the most.

It was a stupid, stupid, disrespectful and regretful act. One of which I beat myself up on to this day. I can never go back there with them again for they are too old to travel that far. It's a part of myself that I ignored to learn about, that because of my shitty attitude, will be lost to me forever. All I can try to do is try to make up for lost time now.