You better believe

You better believe that it could happen. Everyone loves a Cinderella story, but this one could shatter that glass slipper. Up against the Juggernaut 5 time Superbowl winning Steelers, the first time Cardinals could in fact, shock the world. We could be more than a state with a big hole in the ground and a bunch of cacti.

4:15 AZ kickoff time, you know where I'll be and what I'll be doing. One more game, sixty more minutes of playtime, one chance for first time destiny.

I may become a religious man Sunday morning, because I may be doing a lot of praying and praising.

Time to fly red birds, fly.

Choppers

I decided to take a first step to a better me this year by going into the dentist for the first time in 2 years. Did I ever get a wake up call. Before I go into it, let me throw out a special shout out to my old dentist. I hope that you go play in traffic today. How did you get your dental degree? I should have known something was up with him when all he had in his office was scuba diving magazines and framed pictures of white tigers in space scenes with glitter. My new dentist was amazed. He'd never seen a person get 11 cavities in 2 years and not have good cleanings done previously.

So that's what's in store for me, 11 cavities including 1 root canal and 1 crown, then a deep cleaning and 1 bridge to be done. Over $6000 worth of grill work.

Damn, that's a new Kia compact car. Let me also thank my insurance for restructuring their plan wherein I only get $1000 worth of coverage per year before its all out of pocket. Oh and I'm paying $53 a month for it. And in March the premium is being raised. Looks like I'll be cancelling coverage in March, assholes.

I had my first set of fillings last Weds. Turns out he couldn't salvage one tooth without a root canal, so next Weds I have that fun task to be done. Because of the root canal, I need a crown. Then I get the rest of my fillings done. I should have started work in December, because then I would have another $1000 to play with. Now I'm screwed.

Well, maybe on the plus side, I'll drop some weight because of the lack of use of my mouth over the next few months, and whatever I spend on medical bills can be used as a tax write off.

My state of my union address 2008

2008. 365 days of uncertainty. I can tell you one thing, i wish the best for 2009, as a year of needed change. At the onset of 2008, I set out to have the year be a year of personal test, to challenge my meddle, to which I pretty much did nothing with.

I took time off work for personal reasons, spent time racking my bipolar brain over issues and came up with no answers to any questions I posed to myself. 2009 must, I emphasis MUST be different or else I will once again settle into mediocrity and repetition and ultimately start to whither away into middle age with no insight or fights for my own future. Personal goals need to not only be set, but met with vigor. Laziness and personal habits must not be only controlled, but eradicated from my daily life. Life must be embraced, as with being alive one must not forget to remember how to actually "live".

Now for my reflections on 2008.

finances- 6.5 down 2.2

I am stable, but at a loss from last year. The country's and world markets struggles definitely affect home. My major govt. accounts are down 15k in some accounts. All my stocks are in the red. I am accruing little to no interest in other accounts. Nothing grows. I am not hurting for personal expenses, although if I were to lose work, I'd be in a bad spot. Regardless, despite a country and market in recession, I still force myself to put something away every month, even if its twenty bucks or a few coin rolls. I force myself to add investment shares in a floundering market knowing that it will rebound one day and my down time investments will pay off two times over.

work 5 no change

Work is the same. There is always bullshit drama to deal with between other employees. Thankfully it has nothing to do with me. It still wears on me to hear it everyday. People still kiss bosses asses, don't pull their weight and dump it off on me to do extra, people screwing other employees like a town bicycle, and a general side separation of malaise that pits a majority of co-workers against a few bad seeds which makes for a disgruntled environment. Why do I put up with it then? One reason-money. In times of financial and employment hardships, people fall back on sin vices-booze, sex, cigarettes and guns. We supply two out of four, which may lead to the sex part. Obviously we don't sell guns. We've seen an influx of consumers who make themselves feel better by drinking. I'll gladly take their cash. Now is not the best time to look for a new job anyways. Every week there are thousands of layoffs. I've had 50+yr old men come in to ask for jobs, which is a morbid sign. For the timebeing, I'll keep my tax free income and rouse my fathers interest with income property, which needs to be the next move.

Social life- 4.5 down 2

I couldn't tell you the last time I went out to Scottsdale to party. I've been sticking around to the house and walking to the local bar a few blocks away more so. I'm not going to risk a DUI, nor spend all that cash in going uptown. It's saved me money in the past few months to stay home and have people over. I've lost touch with a few friends, split off a few and strengthened older friends. Still though, I only have a few good friends that I can count on one hand. I don't get invited out to anything, which sometimes is a blessing, but disheartening when it doesn't happen. I'm thankful for those I have around me though. I look forward to networking a bit more this year.

Love life- 7

Still, like last year, not of your concern. My joys, heartaches and concerns are not of your business.

Spirituality- 4 +.5

I am a little more open to the topic of spirituality. I still am not an active follower of anything, but the topic is interesting to me. The origins of various beliefs, dogmas, and personal decisions to what people do in their faiths. Histories and myths, controversies and stories relating to any religious topic spur my interest. There may not be an active faith that I follow, but I am leaning more towards the idea that there is something greater than all of humanity and the universe out there as there are questions that I have arose to myself that have a hard time or cannot be answered by normal means.

Family 8.5 no change

This year I spent more time with my immediate family than I had in years. I took time off work and went home for a few weeks at a time and spent a good amount of time trying to rebond with some issues. My family had two cousins get engaged, and one divorce, so I guess that cancels out. I went home and had a great time for my father's 70th birthday. As added incentive to further the cause in 2009, we as a family are taking our first family vacation and their first real vacation in 15 years when we go to Kauai in March. At Christmas time I spent more time with my parents instead of ditching them to hang with the rest of the family. One of my cousins had a tough time but she fought through it. My other became prosperous and a small bit closer to me. I hope 2009 will be good to all of us.

Health 5 down 1

I'm officially starting to feel and look my age. Mostly to my own faults.Correction, to all my faults. I can't tell you the last time I worked out. I've gained too much weight. I'm winded very easily and have lost strength. I've started 2009 by going to the dentist for the first time in 2 years to have $6000 worth of work needed to be done. I have habits and laziness that need to be curbed and eliminated or things will start to get worse. I'm still good at not getting sick, but that will only last so long. My diet is well enough, but as always, I eat too much. It doesn't matter that I eat decently most of the time, even good food can hurt in excess.

I need to watch my drinking. I can't recover well as I did in my twenties. I still only really party one day a week, but its hardcore when it happens, which explains why Mondays suck so bad. Plain and simple, even though its in my blood and my history, I need to be aware of liquor in my life as not a good thing when I'm drinking it, but as a bad thing as a whole.

No major illnesses, broken bones or accidents this year.

Total- 5.75 down .75

Things mostly sank this year, for the second year in a row. Its a sign that some kind of change is needed. I'm not worried about finances and my job. Those are things that can be mode more of or replaced. I'm more concerned with my own person as a whole. I'm letting myself go, and slip into numbing routines and dulling lifestyles again. It's my flaw. As I get older it gets tougher to crank myself out of funks and jumpstart motivations. I somehow need to find new ways, force myself out of those downgrades and to get back on track. I need to saddle up a new horse and put the old one down and make glue out of it to make sure new things stick.

Changing tides?

As per a yearly tradition during the last gasps of 2008 or the first breaths of 2009, I usually give my "state of Marc's Union" address that lays out what has been going on in various aspects of my life over the past year. I still have to put it all together and place it out on the computer, so yes, it is being worked on. It still is residing in a bit of stagnant laziness as usual though. The ninth year of the second millennium needs to be, and already has been a year of changes. Personally, financially, nationally and emotionally. We have a new president, a first black president at that. Personally though, I have other importances. Our very own Cardinals will try to make history on February first. I know where I'll be, yelling and bawling. Shock the world, yes we can.

There should be a vast array of changes this year to come. My parents and I will be going on their first real vacation and our first family vacation in 15 years in March. I may travel to new places after as well, foreign and domestic.

Jobs may change, prosperity may ensue. Properties may be bought and sold. Friends may be added or lost, but god forbid the latter.

Keep around for something new.

I'm moving to Luxembourg

New year's Eve is always one of the toughest holidays to work as a bartender. In Arizona, we can't drink on the job, even though I know some that do religiously. I never had the desire to do so anyways in my years of service. So we can't partake in that aspect. It's actually a good thing that we can't. Having a clear mind helps me service the drunkards out there, and especially on this night. As predicted, it was pretty slow until about 10:30pm when we got incredibly busy all at once. It stayed that way until closing.
My new year started by making drinks. Two stoli vanilla vodkas and diet coke to be exact. No celebrations, no well wishes, hugs, handshakes, or hugs and kisses from loved ones. It felt very cold and disheartening. The irony of it was that I was surrounded by hundreds of people, but never felt so lonely before. I saw everyone stop what they were doing out on the floor to hug and kiss eachother, shake hands and be happy. I received my first well wish for the new year ten minutes after the fact, followed by a few more. Well after midnight Crystal came back and we gave eachother a hug and a kiss. I wished she was first.
After work closed, we disassembled the cursed Christmas decorations plastered all over the bar, cleaned up and was actually done in record time. Usually we leave around 5:30am on this day, but we were done at 3:30am.
I drove home, ate a few bites of leftover ribs and went to bed. I had a dream that I was moving to Luxembourg. For $6000 a year, I would rent out a large loft flat in a small town in the country. I started to learn the language and make friends with the people living in the lofts above and next to me. The countryside was gorgeous, alpine, green and cool. It was a change, a well needed one.
Subconsciously, I think my mind was planting seeds about what may need to happen for the new year. I don't know if it means a new job or anything else, but I think it means a change may come, or is needed.

christmas memories

My buddy Ryan pretty much nailed it on his blog post about the nostalgia of Christmases past. Each child that celebrated Christmas has their own unique memories of the holidays. Some lose their innocence of the mystique behind it later than others, and some never understood it or lost it at all. T The theory of Santa was never ruined for me. I was never told that he doesn’t exist, so I was never crushed from reality. I instead pretty much realized it on my own, more than likely around the age of nine or ten. It was a slow and gradual transition of realizing that there was no way that the fat man could be at two places at once. So…he’s live on TV, but yet there is a thinner and more lively version here at Grandma’s giving out presents.
After that I slowly embraced the “idea” of Christmas. That it was a time of giving, forgiveness and celebration for not only the birth of Jesus and the highpoint of various religious faiths across the planet, but a coming together of family and friends to express joy and love for another.
It’s a spirit that we usually lose around January 2nd, whether it be from the accursed hangover from New Year’s Eve or the inevitable return to the working grindstone.
There are memories that I do cherish for my own around the holidays from my youth that can never be replaced, yet are now substituted with current traditions. Back then, one of our uncles would go dress up in the shoddiest of Santa suits in the garage of grandma’s house and then come strutting up the block ringing a cow bell on cue from uncle Frank as he was in the living room telling stories to all us kids. He’d make us all sing carols and would call the “north pole” to find out if Santa was inbound In the air or not. Usually my Godfather would wear the suit, it really only fit him well. Some other uncles did it a few times, and even a few of my cousins or aunts, and yes, even I donned the ancient garb once to play Santa. That year Santa was the buffest and tallest he’d been.
There was always dinner and foodstuffs out on my grandparent’s dinner table. Turkey, bachaiau ( salted cod fish), desserts aplenty, appetizers and the always present bowl of M&M’s. There was always my Grandma’s Portuguese rice pudding that was well, too damn good for words. You never noticed it as kids because you were too involved with playing with each other or eagerly awaiting Santa, but man there was booze all around. Our aunts and uncles could, and still do drink like fish.
Grandpa used to have a warm fire going as he sat in HIS easy chair watching the family enjoy themselves around him. Then usually about 10:30-11pm, We all got dragged to midnight mass at church. In my family’s earlier days as Portuguese Catholics, it was mandated that you go. Now it’s a stark contrast as only a rare handful go to mass. My parents have been the only bastion of reliability on that part, due to no small part of them being dedicated to the choir.
The air back then for a 10 year old was damn near ball freezing. There was always frost on the roofs, and as you walked out of a toasty warm house to get into the icebox of a car, you’d see your breath all the way. In fact, you’ll see your breath during the entire car ride to the church. Midnight mass back then truly was midnight mass. It would start at midnight and end at 2am Later on during my high school years, the parishioners decided to try and get a bigger turnout by starting it at 11pm. It increased the turnout for a while, and then the demographics of the attendees and the housing area changed to a larger Hispanic population, which changed the mass further and eventually forced the change of priests, choirs, parishioners and finally the entire attendance. My parents finally gave up on Mt. Carmel church when I was in college and they moved, along with a choir director and other members to their current location at St. Pius, a few miles to the southwest.
The only true feeling that hasn’t changed all that much is there has always been a reason to come home Christmas eve after the festivities and mass. My parents and I would turn on a Christmas carol or Pope mass program, have a light snack, maybe some tea and give each other our gifts and maybe have one waiting in the morning for us.

Still getting shots in

Ok, so this year hasn't been the bestest of years. It had its fair share of uplifting moments, but encompassing the financial and political quagmire we are in, along with family and friend illnesses, general malaise and discontent, and a earlier this year failure of a needed change in direction in life, come this Christmas I was ready for the new year to start fresh. This holiday wasn't going to let me off with just a whimper though.

I got back to Cali Sunday night. I was supposed to get in early Sunday afternoon. Let the drama commence. This is where i think global warming is a crock of shit, and I am forever trusting in my recently read farmer's almanac for 2009. Man may be dumping astronomical amounts of pollution in the air and causing little events to go off, that I accept. Considering how small we are in relation to this planet though, the earth has the power, at any time, to set things straight. That includes a cooling trend. I've seen countless specials on the discovery channel, PBS, science channels and assorted educational places that are saying just that. But "global warming" is a nice attention getter by the media lately either to make you watch their broadcast or to sway your opinion towards one faction or the other. The 2009 farmer's almanac predicts record cold, snow, and rain for the majority of the country for the winter of '08-Feb 09. No joke dude. As of Dec. 25 2008, three-fourths of the country was either covered in rain or record snowfall. The exception- Miami, Florida at 81 degrees.

That all came to fruition on Sunday when I tried to fly out of Phoenix. My plane, Southwest 1411 was to fly from Phoenix to San Francisco for its ending leg after coming from Buffalo, and then Chicago. Four hours later I was able to board my bumpy-ass flight flown by, I swear, Stevie Wonder. Or at least should have been, because a blind guy would have flown better.

It could have been worse. That day as I waited, every airport along the west coast north of San Fransisco was shut down. People trying to fly to Portland or Seattle were grounded until Christmas Eve...3 & 1/2 days later. I guess I'm lucky.

It rained every day here. Not that I don't mind, I love the cold and rain. When it's a arctic storm barrelling down on you with 70 mph wind gusts, it sucks. Makes fireplaces and coffee so much better though.

Monday and Tuesday were easy days. Shopped with Mom, cooked dinners, just hung out at home. Tuesday night was when shit started going wrong.

I noticed that on Tuesday afternoon, my computer was acting strange. I hadn't really used it since the airport Sunday afternoon, so I thought it was odd. I cleaned it up, ran a virus check that came up negative, and then ran a spyware check that turned out a result that led to a two day struggle to save my system. The results turned up the infamous Vundo Trojan. Its a nice adware pop-up virus that nestles deep in your start-up and registry which produces ads and pirates vital personal info to whomever is lurking around as well as slowing down your computer by more than half. I try to remove it. Program removed. Restart. Run check again. Program not removed. Do it again. Same result. Did I mention that this fucker SELF-REPLICATES???!! I had to spend 2 days, buy one $40 virus program update, download 5 (yes five) additional free spyware and registry removal programs and spend a lovely time to try and eradicate this menace. I just now think I eradicated it. I'll know for sure in the next 24 hours. If I get another pop-up, I'm still screwed, but for now its all good.

Back to the timeline. I went to the cemetery to visit my grandparents, then to Kepler's books to get a pair of new books. On the way home I stopped by the old Union Army cemetery off of Woodside rd just to walk through. Its small, run down and covered with leaves of hundred year old oak trees. I had never been to this Heritage and historical site. In fact, up until I was about 11, whenever we would drive by, I'd close my eyes and duck in the seat because I was terrified of this place. Granted, at night, this place is spooky and formidable. I guess it was a bit of closure for me to walk through it. Lastly, I stopped at Chuck's to get a couple donuts for home.

Dad made beans and ham in the slow cooker for dinner Tuesday. Crazy tasty by the way. Unfortunately it wasn't sitting well with my that night. Jenny calls and wants to head out to the Orchid Room for drinks. Cool, we cab it, head there and have an awesome time. For the record, her friend Candice is hot. Anyways, I know what I can handle before things get crazy. I have a couple jack and cokes, a beer, a shot and sipped a jack on the rocks at the end. Not much by my standards at all, and on a very full stomach. We make last call, grab a taxi and head home. I have a buzz, but nothing major. Get home, make a quick and light sandwich on a small roll, eat and get ready for bed.

Usually when one vomits, it's preceded by several stages, especially from drinking. Most of the time there is spinning involved. Followed by profound sweating, saliva rising up to lube your throat, and the first few chew-backs. But there I am, happily in bed when I get awakened by my own stomach retching without me knowing it. I instinctively grab my trash can and heave it all in there. The contents? My sandwich of course. Hardly any liquid. Most vividly though, Dad's beans. I cursed my ass off, as I, now soberly, grab the blankets that got soiled, the trash can and storm into the garage and slam them in the washer at 3 am. All the time cursing under my breath and thinking " what the hell is with this shit??!" I get back to bed and sleep with my thermals, sweat pants and a blanket. I get up in the morning to awaken to, not a hangover, but mudbutt. I crapped more times in a day and a half than I do in a week. The whole day too my stomach was in a constant state of nausea as well as having sore abs from chundering and anal purging. It was a nice Christmas eve. I wasn't social and felt like crap.

Mom, Dad and I agreed days before that a nice crab and lobster dinner would be nice. It's one of my favorite things to eat, but let me tell you that in the condition I was in, having to cook live seafood and then disembowel and devour said critter on your plate was retched. The only thing that saved me was the taste of it and my hunger pangs. I didn't spend the night down with the family at my Godfathers. I ended up actually going on my own to meet up with my parents as they sang at their midnight mass. I was sure I was going to burst into flames on entry to the church, but being Jesus' birthday, I guess God felt merciful. I figured a little theology and self reflection would do my system better than hanging and partying with the entire family.

After church, we all made a quick stop by to visit the family and drop off gifts. We chatted for a bit before heading home to a needed rest.

A second and more vicious storm dropped down on us Christmas Day. It was in the fortys all day with hurricane force gusts that knocked out the power here for over an hour and snow topped the local coastal mountains, which is very rare.

I had my appetite back today and felt well rested. My nausea is gone, but the mud-butt is slowly being replaced by mostly stinky gas. Our trip to my uncle Frank's house was good. I was definitely more social and ate a lot of excellent food. On returning, I (hopefully) eliminated my computer virus and was able to relax finally before I catch up the storm that just rampaged through here on my flight back to Arizona. I'm happy that everything turned around to be ok after all.

All mine

I recently came across an idea of spawning a new blog. A private one actually. I was browsing around on my friend's site and came across a few secondary spawned sites that were created. The things posted were basically the same, but the use of language and topics were a little more extreme and from the gut. I was surprised to see them from DR, but it was refreshing to hear my friend's voice telling the same or different stories in a different way. Needless to say, I think I am going to try and create a new place just for me.

Why not just create a journal on my computer and not publish what I type? Well, for one, it gives me a peace of mind that I feel like I have actually gotten something off my chest, or knocked a chip off my shoulder, or even confided in someone. Second, I don't intend to, if I do decide to create another site, to make it 100% private. Chances are I'll invite only the closest of family or maybe a friend to access it. Otherwise, well, sorry, the info isn't meant for you to see. I still have to decide.