The value of friends

This month, my live in lady has company coming in every weekend to stay with us. With the exception of the last visit being family, all of them are childhood friends, including one that she has known for 23 + years. I can say I come close, seeing I've known my friend Dirty Ryan since I was about 10. I am 34 now. Dirty Ryan now resides in Japan, and has been there for an astonishing decade abouts... The last contact i have had with him was a few days ago via a few sentence email checking up on him after the country got demolished from a huge earthquake there. He is fine, but outside of that however, it has been a long time since we have corresponded with each other. I can safely say that I have been an equal partner in slacking between he and I in keeping in contact. Yet that bond of friendship is a unique one that most of us have, the one of growing up with someone. To elaborate further on it, its also one that even if years go by, bearing mental illness or some other cataclysmic event, the bond still remains, and for the most part, we pick up right where we left off after high school graduation. The same goes in respect to my other buddy Douglas. He lives here in Arizona, a few miles from me. Even as we go months without hanging out, it is no problem to just sit around and do nothing.
Those childhood bonds, the ones we share through schooling and teen life lessons, are innocent at best, and sophomoric at worst. That is what makes those bonds so endearing. The sneaking out at night, a taste of a first beer or of a girl's lips, the curious trespassing on property or inner thighs, petty theft, car waterballooning, burger flipping job working teenage angst that screamed through your walkman cassette player as you loop play your "mix tape" with your amigos.Even though I may have made and lost friendships in my college and adult life, for the most part, the closest ones I had in my young years still remain intact.
Lately I have been focusing on repairing or acquiring new friendships with people to come close to the same bonds as youth. It isn't the same. The grown up experiences and differences are unfathomable to attempt to recycle an innocent youth. While I can strive to make new friends, I should remind myself, and those others out there in my past of bonds that existed long ago.
Its that warm blanket, sitting on the couch in front of the Christmas tree and fireplace while its freezing outside as a kid feeling that makes whatever stress you had just go away for a while as you reminisce.
I was reading an article on MSN tonight about when and what to throw away childhood memorabilia. At one point in the article, the author quoted about digging out her old yearbooks and the backpage senior quote pages. I had totally forgotten about purchasing one of them back in 1994 until now. Digging it out, it was a awesome touchstone to the past and all of my friends. I also remembered my flaw it it that I wrote way to damn small for the actual yearbook that even if someone I named in it tried to read it, they would need a microscope to see it. So, I scanned it, blew it up, sharpened it and it was still barely legible.

So in closing, I'll try to translate as best I can. Remember, sophomoric at worst right? It pretty lame, but then again, so was high school...pretty much left to right...

"H20 polo crew, you guys are sick. Brendan A. Adam B.(cool daddy-o), Gavin W. (shpeedos mon, slurpees),Jared Kohler (smooth & creamy), Long N.(cool daddy), Dan T. Sean M. Jason Foisy (FRESHMAN!),Matt Varney, Carlos C.,Lisa T & Colleen Mc. You guys are the best, see you next year, thanks for the memories. Salute! Camel Man! To Coach Frank-I love you bro, you're the best, thanks. To my lost cousin Sonia Bray-We all love you and will never forget you. RIP Love cousin Marc.

To my loving cousin Tina D.thanks for being there for me. Love always, Marc.

Marc Demelo 94!Portuguese Pride! Viva Italia! Class of 94! Whats up? We've been through a lot eh?In a way, I'm sad to go because all of my friends are going too.You're a part of me, I'm going to miss you all. To Mike Hagan,Tony Easley (my art rival). To my pisan Nick Torre-she passed the test. David Coffaro, the ocean man. Juaquin V. (Barney!) & Ken B. Tom Traung-eh, Ryan is still a good guy. Vince Bravo-thanks for being there for Tina. Steve Miloch-the Mortal K-bat king!Johnny Cage! Rigo Hartmann- You got my respect 4 being there 4 Sarah. Jovan "Poo" Barnes, What's up? Zahedi G- NORM!! Sam Curlee-my artistic bud.

To all the women out there- I couldn't find a better bunch anywhere else! Amy Laudenslayer-hey babe, stay physical.Allison Pelfini-SMILE! Nicole Leone & Christie K.-I luv you as the sisters I never had. Thanx. Niki Costello, Ruth Bravo, Vanessa Chavez & Amy Ellington, luv y'all. Heidi Schaffer,luv u, thanx for helping Sarah-you're the best. Sue Couret, you are my first love, too bad things didn't work out-but I still care 4 ya. Sarah Fisher-what's going to happen 2 us? I still care for ya,luv always.To Tina,Jenny and Jeanette, luv cousin Marc!

To my pisan Ryan D. aka EDDIE. How da $#@! are ya doin. I could never find a bro like ya. Yuv ya man! The shpeedos mon.

To Mr. Engleman-The 2nd father of mine.Luv ya bro, can't thank you enough,keep in touch ok? Mr. Farina-my pisan, thanks.Mr Ulloa,Mr.Dodge,Mr. Queen,Mrs. Odington thanks.

U2, Pearl Jam, Stone T Ps. Hack-fest 93-94, go Doug!To Doug H. aka Vizzy Z. Am I gonna have to shoot you? See ya my pisan."

resounding haitus

Remember back in elementary school how your views of time and space were definitely skewed? Summer couldn't get to you fast enough, and when it did, it seemed to last forever. That concept changes in adult life, and time not only seems to fly by, but at the same time, you got a lot of long days to deal with. Seven months ago was my last updated posting on the blog site. Its not that I haven't had the time to do it, as I have plenty of free time during weekdays, but I suppose my motivations have changed. Don't worry, i wont go into a detailed listing of my daily or weekly events over the latter part of 2010, but I will at least attempt to do a brief year in review as I usually do.

Whereas 2009 was the year of the Ox, 2010 was the year of the Tiger. A year full of unpredictability, fast actions, and erratic behaviors.

Finances- 8.0 + .5 from 2009

I can not say that I made more money this year, but I did save more this year. Towards the end, I turned saved money into larger purchases for myself and others. Call it a self induced stimulus package. I made smart investing decisions, along with some patience, that ended up turning me a profit. Due to Carolyn and I now living together, it slashes out expenses drastically, which should bolster our accounts this year even further.

Work- 5.0 +1.0 from 2009

I am now the senior employee at my job. Trust me, that is not an achieved life goal. It is up 1 because business has been good, my attitude is a bit more relaxed at work, my schedule has opened up to have 2 consecutive, weekend days off, and for the most part, I am injury free. That still does not justify staying at the job any longer than necessary, but there are wheels turning for master plans to potentially come into fruition.

Social Life-4.5 down 1.5 from 2009

How delicately can I put this? Carolyn is more than not, my only social outlet.That is NOT a complaint. She is my partner in crime and confidant. Some acquaintances (especially ones that owe me) have disappeared or have been removed from my circle. I have not really seen or hung out with the majority of my best friends in a very long time. And its not for my lack of trying. Sean has been a closer friend to me in the past 6 months than anyone else, even though he has been shuttling between Arizona and California almost weekly. He finally landed a full time job here in Phoenix, so he should be around more.

Love life-9.0 +.5 from 2009

Its up and I am very happy. Everything else is not your business.

Spirituality-5.0 +1.0 from 2009

I had it out with God, or whatever force is out there a 5 months back. I cursed his name and spat at it. I also made my peace with it on my own one stormy day a month or so ago. Not that I am going to start going to a church, but I think a greater being and I have a mutually assured collective bargaining agreement. Basically the deal goes that I will understand and forgive whatever hardships were thrust on my during my earlier years as long as my father and mother's health improves and they are given more time here. I will keep my end of the bargain up as long as the terms are met.

Family 6.5 no change since 2009

The good news is that nobody left us this year. The rest of the family is healthy and doing well. My parents are, well, going day by day. Dad had a small piece of skin cancer cut out again, which is of no concern. He is currently dealing with major bladder and colon issues after his past prostate cancer treatments. Thousands of dollars, daily time, pills, pain,isolation, aggravation and the inability to travel 20 miles away from home is a daily occurrence for them right now. they did not make it out to AZ last year to visit due to treatments of dad's issues, which are still currently ongoing. Mom got a needed outpatient leg vein procedure done in December which should help her mobility. I can call and visit as much as I can, but the rest of the family doesn't really go to visit or help out all too much (*ahem...hint...hint...for the bunch of family that lives 100 miles or less from him, they could use you). Christmas was not fun. I hardly spent time with family for the week. It was depressing to see my parents, my foundation in life, down and out and needing assistance.

Health 5.5 +1.5

My weight is stable. I can do physical activities a little better this year. My eating habits have somewhat improved. I try to incorporate a fruit or vegetable in each meal. Certain unhealthy vices and habits of mine have gotten less or are entirely gone. My dental report card is good. for the first time in a long time, I have gone a year or more without a cavity. My mental state is alright. I can still breakdown at random times, but with my lady at my side, I have someone to confide in at all times.

Overall- 6.2 +.5

Anytime I can say that my life as a whole has improved, even by the slimmest of margins, is a good thing. The thing about it is to keep things progressing in a positive way, or to make the needed changes to make things better. We have a new addition to the family in Izzy, a 19 lb French Bulldog. She is our lovable little tank of a dog. Jenny may not like it, but she has to share the mantle of queen bee in the house now.

On a side note, I did achieve items on my Life goal list.

I found #1. Someone to 1.Find that person and spend the rest of my time and travels with her. And #5 Make my own wine.

I believe that it is the first time that i have achieved a life goal(s) outside of completing high school and college. It feels good to do so. Here's a full list (cut n paste to see)

http://marcdemelocpg.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html#1422494432070290663

This year has the potential to have a lot of new and grand experiences. I will be doing a lot of travel in the the next 60 days. St. Thomas, Vegas, Hawaii. Friends visiting from out of town. Hopefully family will visit soon. Employment may change. Depending on how drastically employment changes, so might the place we live. Either way, I am eager for this year, and starting to get excited.

Phoenix Rising

What’s to say about the past few months about me being AWOL? I’m a busy man, busy, busy. Ok, maybe not that much, busy enough, but mostly I don’t feel like writing a lot on the blogsite. That said, the weather is hot here, damn hot., like you never have to worry about your coffee getting cold hot. You could be carrying around a hot pocket fresh out of the microwave and the cheesy, bubbly innards of it would feel nice and cooling if you slathered it on the back of your neck. It makes necessary yard work completely unbearable…as you do it at 9 in the morning.
Carolyn and I spent the recent 4th of July weekend up in Flagstaff and Sedona. I have recently gone through a schedule change at work, so now, for the first time since I don’t know when, I have two days off in a row, and they are Saturdays and Sundays…unheard of! So we have been doing a lot of stay-cations here in the valley as well as taking time to get away for a weekend to where-ever we choose for the weekend. This weekend coming up, we are getting a room in our new favorite hotel in Scottsdale for dirt cheap and will be out tearing up the town Saturday night.
The family is fine, as much as I know. Nobody is sick, and they are all just going on with their own lives. That’s not a complaint, it’s a good thing that everyone is fine. My cousin Chris finally said goodbye to this foul stench hole of a state by finishing his teaching internship at ASU and moved back home a few weeks back…the lucky bastard.
The garden, is well, during this time of the year, being slowly and systematically cooked by the sunshine. The only things surviving are the trees, grapevines and the pepper plants. Which are producing a vast amount of peppers. So much so that my freezer is chock full of gallon ziplock bags of them. Need to find enough things to do with them or else I’ll have to start giving them away. As per professional advice, I have chosen to let the grape vines center their energy on strengthening the vines themselves instead of making a young vine struggle to produce grapes, and have plucked off any shooting grape clusters. It has produced a healthier and more vigorous vine this season so far. I also learned and am using a few new tricks to get rid of pests in the garden, and am happy to say, I am pest free this year.
Carolyn did get me a wine making kit last year for my birthday, and a week ago she purchased me a few gallons of cabernet grape juice, so I can start my winemaking on my own without my own grapes. Its an easy kit, and should produce decent wine unless you are a complete idiot that can’t follow instructions. Unfortunately during the hot season here, I cannot set up the wine in my garage because it is far too hot to ferment. I have set up my kit on a part of the kitchen counter where I can keep the temperature hovering around 77-85 degrees. Once started, its estimated about 3 months till I am able to produce about 36 bottles of red….sooo, hello Christmas presents!Ha!
I have been working out more and trying to consistently eat well. My breathing has gotten a lot better and I don’t feel winded as easily anymore. Taking to the pool again feels great, and although I’m still not back to my high school form, its still a nice feeling to still be the fastest person in the pool. When I’m at home, I use the elliptical and watch Sportscenter. I had the World Cup on recently but since Portugal and the USA were knocked out, there hasn’t been much interest lately. I will try to watch the finals on Sunday. Netherlands vs. Spain….hmmm…tapas and siestas or chocolate and hookers? Chocolate and hookers!
My buddy Sean is staying with me for a bit while he is on leave from his job. I know that he wants to stay in Phoenix, so he’s hoping and hunting for contracts out here and not back in Sacramento or Vegas, but regardless, he will take whatever is contracted out to him on his install sites. Meanwhile, while he is here, we are having a good time, maybe a drunken time or two, but a good time in general. He’s a good man and a good buddy that I’m happy to entertain at home.
Outside of that, the tigers are doing well in baseball, and thank God that football season is around the corner (yes!yes!YES!). Summer is half over, and that means the heat is half over too. The monsoons have not started yet, and need to soon. We need the rain and to have something to cool off the nights in August and September.
The only other things coming up is that we have a trip to go back home to Cali in September, a potential weekend trip to San Diego in August, a weekend birthday trip in September to Michigan, and I may go camping for a day or two later on this month.
There’s not much else to fill out in on outside of that. Til then, check you all later!

Ketchup...not just for burgers anymore

Its been a little bit. Ok, no, its been a good couple of months since I've last written. After a while, one tends to get caught up in the dregs of day to day life, things to do, places to see, all the while with a touch of laziness.

February and March went on through without much of a hitch. Carolyn and I went to (or at least attempted to go to) a variable smorgasbord of spring training games here in the valley during March. It was pretty much every Sunday, Thursday and Saturday there was a game to go to. A few got cancelled, some I just didn't go to. At $8-$13 a pop, I justified the loss of not going if something better came along.

Regular season baseball started, and I have the baseball package at the house on cable...once again trying to follow baseball due to a certain Detroit fan.

Wrestlemania (yes, I have a guilty fetish for my man-soaps...thank you Dad for instilling the desire to enjoy watching "professional" wrestling) was a fun pay per view to watch at home at the end of March, followed by the very next day of going to a live taping of Monday night's live TV show with Doug and Chris as we cashed in some unexpected tickets from Christmas. It was quite a nice surprise to go to an event that had the purpose of not only being stupidly entertaining, but an instant ego boost due to the surrounding crowd. I'm missing a tooth, but I think I alone had more teeth than my entire seating row combined. it would have been a great time to ransack the lovely town of Apache Junction as I think the entire town was there.

One thing has been a relative constant though, just because the NFL season has ended, Sunday fundays never really quit...the game just changes. Whether it be baseball or the current NBA and NHL playoffs (or even the recent NFL draft)...its always a reason to party, especially to take the time to be outside and grill & party before the summer nukes all of Arizona once again (yes, it was 95 today...in April).

I've been spurred on to make improvements in most aspects of my life, mostly by that same lovely Detroit lady (wink wink). I have restructured my diet and am eating a lot more sensible. I always try to incorporate a fruit and a vegetable in all meals and to limit my intake of bad foods in general. i force myself to have breakfast now, whereas I used to eat my lunch as a first meal.

I restructured the office and moved all my fitness equipment in there to consolidate my workout area and to open up my living room once again. I rejoined the gym, 24 hr fitness again, and whereas I don't go as often as I should, it is nice to once again have a lap pool at my disposal.

I chose (I swear inadvertently!) to do nothing but yardwork last Thursday on my day off...aka Earth Day. I planted two 12 ft shade tree saplings as well as a virtual OCD arborist list of landscaping duties that would make a dayworker landscaper cringe. On a side note...if you ever...EVER want to figure out what workout plan would give you the fastest results...I recommend the dig a hole workout. Better yet, dig two holes, about 3 ft deep by 3 ft wide in the Arizona soil (aka clay). I was sore for 3 days.

the new vehicle is holding up just fine and still has that (sniiiiiifffff) new car smell. its wonderful...and also due for her first oil change.

I had a garage sale last Sunday. I made $70 and got rid of a lot of crap. The beauty of it is that a good potion of the things sold ( bar promo items, glassware, other crap) was free for me to acquire, so it was pure profit...benefits to working in a bar. I got rid of all my old furniture and then donated the leftovers to the Goodwill to get a fat tax writeoff for next year.

Besides, I wouldn't want to have all that extra crap if i decide to move....

Which brings up a tentative topic, a potential move.

Earlier this month, I took my buddy Chris once again to his old stomping grounds in Southern Cali., Hermosa Beach to be exact. This little hidden gem nestled covertly in the middle of the LA area has found a very special place in me. It continues to defy the SO. Cal. attitude by being it's laid back, come as you are self. So, on our last day there while sitting in the hotel lobby, waiting for our taxi to the airport, I picked up a newspaper and perused the want ads and the places for rent. I thought to myself...this could be done. I could find a job or two easy enough, and a place to live, and there are plenty more job opportunities for Carolyn out here as well. Upon my return to the PHX, I brought it up to her and we started looking for employment for her. Sure enough, there are plenty of jobs that she more than qualifies for and hopefully could easily get.

The only foreseeable problems would be finding a place that allows not one, but two midsize dogs, and her current automobile issues and her apartment lease. The latter two would be able to be freed up in about a year, so if this does happen, it would be sometime around this time of year next year or later. As for the house here...well it would either have to be sold or rented or whatever (vacation home for mom & pop??). Mom sounds on board with it. In addition to being something beneficial to Carolyn and I, it would bring me closer to my family, especially with some aunts, uncles and cousins on my Mom's side.

Thus begs the question? How serious and why? Well, not only can I bother saying the benefits of being on a coastline and out of this desert heat, but I think it is safe to say that the vast arrays of opportunities are better suited there than here. Is Phoenix expanding and getting better? Tough to say. I just am really starting to feel that my time is up here and there isn't much desire to stay around. I'm not saying that there are opportunities here, there are, but more than likely those opportunities would require a longer commitment to the desert, which I don't know if I really want. As of this month, I have been here for 15 years and 4 months. Technically speaking...half my life just about. I also think that a wider array of opportunities, not only for work, but for private life and quality of life may benefit Carolyn and I's relationship. Not that anything is wrong, but a stagnant desert isn't exactly someplace I may consider raising a potential family if it is decided to go that route at some point.

On another note to get the hell out of dodge...my allergies are once again ravaging havoc on me. Nosebleeds, dry cracking skin, itchy eyes, congestion, and the inside on my nose feeling like a triscuit cracker would be wonderfully unmissed if I wasn't in a desert format. that and i could finally get my board and wetsuit wet on a frequent basis. (That's my own personal guilty reason)

we will be going to Michigan next month on a week's vacation and a brand new experience for me, and no, I'm not just talking about going to a state that i have never visited yet either.

So what happens from now until anything happens if it does? We continue to do research, work, and live our lives. See what opportunities are out there for us, even if they are ones that others didn't expect us to take. time is starting to waste away and so are expectations and personal lives of inaction.

I'll try to keep things posted better in the future.

Book of Questions #3

If someone you care very deeply for was brutally murdered, and you know who the person is, if they were put on trial and acquitted of the crime, would you seek revenge?

For the people that know me well enough, I think that they would know that the answer would be yes, of course. How I would go about it would be another story. It would honestly take every scrap of morality and the perseverance of a saint to refrain from immediately going to the guilty party or parties residence and just go to town on a vicious revengeful killing spree.

There are far better ways to make someone pay for their crimes. It would be much more fulfilling to have one's own version of personal biblical justice be done on a transgressor. It's an ultimate failure that the judicial system has brought upon itself. Nowdays, we have to be not only politically correct, but humane and merciful to even the worst criminals in society. Child molesters get short prison terms, murderers get off in a few years, and even the people on death row get basically a life sentence worth of appeals and hearings and delays. We are to believe that criminals are best treated with rehabilitation and compassion, despite the lack of the latter in which they committed their crimes. In theory, rehabilitation can work, but only with a good support system and placing them in an environment that is better than the person was in when they committed the crime. In reality, that is not done. So instead, we dump $150,000 per year, per criminal to give them a comfortable existence wherein they find "god" or further hone their criminal minds and are then released back into the same existence they had when they first committed their crimes. That led to the start of some states to issue three strikes policies, that still, really don't work.

To exact my own justice? The punishment should fit the severity of the crime, no matter how the punishment is served up. Biblical ways state eyes for eyes and tooth for tooth. A safe enough bet in most circumstances. Yes, I know accidents happen, but for those blatant and cruelly premeditated crimes...the more elaborate the punishment the better.

A simple and steady eroding away of all that person had. Take away their life. Take away everything they love and all things that comfort them. Make them feel so small, and so ashamed of the crimes that they committed that they no longer wish to exist. I'm not talking about killing off innocents or killing in general, just trying to take everything away from that person so that they can reasonably feel what it is like to be at suck a great loss. If they take their own life, so be it, but that would be their own decision.

Am I cruel and unreasonable? Or am I justified?

Book of Questions #2

Would you rather be part of a World Championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? What sport would you choose?

I think that the concept of competition and glory are very intimately tied. From what I understand from those that have competed, each individuals views of gratification and dedication are vastly different based on their own unique personalities. I have competed in both individual sports and team competitions. When I swam, outside of relay teams, my individual events were gratifying, even though I never finished first, for the fact of me challenging myself to excel. Granted, when I did really well, felt like i was in the zone, and met my individual goals, I did have a feeling of personal satisfaction and ego boosting. There are some things in sport that can only be savored on the individual level. It's selfish and greedy, but that's the only way that it can be experienced because the moment is so personal and intimate, and yet you can relate to others who have shared that same moment. Surfers understand this by catching a perfect wave on a lonely beach. Hikers and mountain climbers do this by reaching their summits or trail climaxes. Hunters do by being fully immersed in the hunt and the kill. Runners experience it by reaching their goal over whatever distance. Hell, even competitive eaters relish over the fact of being able to speed eat 56 hotdogs.

The team dynamic was far superior in my opinion. The ups and downs of a team far surpass the individuals goals. During water-polo matches, or any sport for that matter, most of the time a team is only as strong as it's weakest link. there were times when I screwed up and cost the team a possession or a score. That feeling was far worse than an individual failing. When you are alone and miss a turn in the pool or lag 5 seconds off your lap time, all you are is disappointed in yourself. When you mess up in a team, you have all those other individuals that are relying on you and eachother to succeed, and thus, it motivated you more to be at your best. The joys of a team victory I feel are far superior for a more fulfilling feeling without the selfish nature of self contained ego boosting. You have the chance to celebrate as a whole, with everyone contributing their best efforts towards a common goal. Seeing that smile of victory on your compadres faces is priceless. You bond with them. they are your sisters and brothers. Everyone's experience is unique, but yet communal. As if you are you're own snowflakes falling on the same log in the forest.

A good example, as in the Beijing Olympic games back in 2008. When Michael Phelps got his record number of golds, I was able to watch each of his gold medal races, but by far, the most exciting matches were the group relays. That included his last race for his record medal. I was relating more to them in those moments than on his world record individual gold races. It's the team dynamic that allowed him to get the record golds, not so much just himself. The ecstasy of celebration was far more enveloping than an individual standing solo on the winner's platform.

Group competition brings everyone together. No matter one's country, gender, race, creed, age or background. It is a unifying force that amplifies as the competition gets larger that compels the individual and the group to perform to their highest potentials despite the outcome.

back in my younger days, I had an Olympic dream. I dreamed on being on the US team and competing for the whole. for my country, for my team, for my family. Myself was mostly an afterthought. With the onset of the 2010 Vancouver winter games, the team dynamic is fully vested in the Olympic spirit. Above all else, camaraderie and brotherhood is the focus of the games. The Olympic creed has always been a favorite quote of mine, and I think perfectly states the essence of a team dynamic over an individual one.

"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well."

The quote does not center on individual glory, but instead, hints that the individual pursuit of an endeavor is far nobler than the conquest. That in itself is the sole benefit of individual competition. In my opinion, that spirit is far better formed with group goals, albeit potentially easier on the surface.

I hope I was able to answer this question in a not so confusing way.

"Destiny" by zero 7

I lie awake I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one
in this Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart
we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home I'll fly home and I'll fly home

2009 year in review

2009 was the Chinese year of the Ox. A year of work and stubbornness. Stubborn enough that the damn year didn't want to end despite everyone's wishes that it would. I honestly have yet to meet one person that did not want this year to end for whatever reasons.

If I had to classify 2009 in short, it simply sucked. Could it have been worse? Oh yes, by all means it could have, but it still sucked.

Finances- 7.5 up 1 from last year.

I don't really know why i am raising this one, but my stocks are up, so that helps. Have I saved more money this year? NO. Have I made more money this year? No. I say that they are up because things have gotten even more stable. I've even started seeing some returns on some investments for once. Not very large ones, but returns none the less. Its more so upwards because I don't seem to have a overhanging looming feeling of thinks tanking anymore, but I am still overly cautious with things. I have also made some large purchases for the first time in my life, besides good fitness equipment, a new vehicle. The loan will help establish my credit, which is good.

Work- 4 down 1 from last year.

I need a better job. There, I said it. As my friend puts it, "the margin just isn't there anymore". the money is the same, I still love my employers and most of my co-workers, but there is no change outside of that. I'm tired of having one week's schedule blending into the exact copy of the next, not having weekends off as do other people, and just not being in a good mood once I arrive to work. that's the biggest one. I'm just not happy being at work anymore. If I can't be happy, then I cant work effectively.Granted, most of that bad mood comes from working with idiots (if you haven't figured out, a pet peeve is I hate stupid people). I know, I'd get that at any job, but at least at somewhere else those people can be gotten rid of easier.

Social Life- 6 up 1.5

I still can't tell you when the last time i went out to downtown Scottsdale was, mostly because I'm not going to take a DUI on the chin. i could care less though. I have places in walking distance. My girlfriend and I have been making new friends, going to new places and have been having a good time with whoever is around. In addition, I have some new connections from work and thru the net, as well as being able to keep in touch with some family members a bit easier too. I can always get more acquaintances, so I'm not worried, but I'm content now.

Love Life- 8.5 up 1.5

I am seeing someone new. Things are good. Outside of that, its once again not really anyone's business.

Spirituality- 4 no change

I have had no changes on my stances with spirituality or church. I went to midnight mass at Christmas again with my parents and it felt good to be there. Not that I felt the presence of God in my life, but it was a positive and gentle social atmosphere where there was no kinds of hatred floating around. It is a well needed and welcome feeling while living in a world of go go go and FU.

Family-6.5 down 2

people are getting older. Some get further away. Some disappear and some pass away. This year is a bit down because our grandma passed away. She was the last of her generation and the final grandparent for our family. In the process at the funeral, we also "lost" one of her sons, my bastard uncle. we haven't heard from him since. There was a saying in the family before grandma died that when she does, he will be buried with her. So far, it has come true. he made a fiasco of the funeral and refused to attend the wake with the rest of his family. Even had the audacity to drum up some crocodile tears and then deny the family final words at the ceremony.

His children will have him pay for his mistakes, but that is far in the future.

Outside of that, my parents are getting older, are having trouble getting around and have a few lingering conditions harping them on a daily basis. No new marriages, no divorces, no new children. My parents and I were supposed to go to Hawaii, but i had to cancel the trip in March because of illness.

Health-4 down 1

This year has been a ravaging hell on my body. I did get a lot of grill work done this year. root canals, crowns, fillings. It was a lot of time and money (a reason why my finances are off), but worth it as first, I found a great dentist that I'm actually eager to go to finally and second, since junior high school-I have a good report card on my mouth from the doc. Now the rest of my body...ugh....first the tenosynovitis in my left arm, immediately followed by a crippling and scarring 3rd degree burn on my left leg left that side of my body worse for wear. Not only did all that affect my health score, but my work score, my financial score and a little of my spirituality as well. I'm still overweight, but I have dropped a couple pounds in the past weeks due to good eating. i had a nervous breakdown this year.I went to the doc to get screened for depression, but she said that my lack of motivation and malaise at times was due to boredom and possible testosterone imbalance. After the bloodwork was done, my testosterone was fine and she wanted me to get on happy pills. I ignored her requests and effectively told her off. I'll find some other way to get around this. As for now, I'm happy enough (as long as I'm not at work). :)

Total-5.71 down .04

Basically not much change. Some things went up, some went down. Either way, I expect this coming year to be a vast improvement over 2009. Hell, it already is. I had an awesome Christmas, the Cardinals are in the playoffs again, I've lost a couple of pounds and I am having fun again. I'm slated to travel to Denver next week for a weekend trip and later on in the year I have some other trips to go on to new places as well.

As well as potentially good things happening, as with things happening in 2009, I'm pessimistic enough to know that bad things do happen, and to not be surprised this year when they do. As with last year, if bad things do happen, I rolled with the punches and survived. it still sucked, but I didn't go anywhere, and I will continue to do so.