Pulling a plug

After redesigning the current webpage format and shuffling some content around, I've decided to disconnect the service that lets you know when a new post is blogged on my sites. Some of you (probably all of you) are cheering this fact and will relish in not having me bombard into your inbox with the same old rigmarole. I figured that those who really were in tune with me and the site will have already had me in their favorites list and check it frequently- on that note, have you know that those of you out there who I know have a site, I do check your stuff on a daily basis, even though some of y'all haven't posted anything in months, that's how loyal I be.

And if ya don't care, well then good for you.

On that note, there WILL be some life altering events happening in the next few months I think, so stay tuned. Meantime, as Smitty says, "I'm pullin the plug, and I'm out."

The week in review...sponsored by Gato Negro merlot..

Sooooo....a week ago Saturday my other bartender asked to work my shift. that meant that I had sat, sun and pretty much Monday off. I wake up Saturday, do a bunch of errands and chores, then start to enjoy a quiet Saturday evening at home watching Dirty Jobs and Survivorman on the Discovery network...both my new favorite shows...ever....
I say fuck it and have a bottle of wine while I cook up some mussels, ahi tuna and grilled veggies on the BBQ. As expected...the vino took over after an hour or so and Hasselhoff came out, solo.
Hasselhoff takes a shower, and guess what....walks over to Salty Senorita up the block. Slow night, I chat with my barkeep Brian, do some shots and drinks, get a tab for $8, tip like $30...which is why my tab is always $8.
I close out last call, and start stumbling home. I walk through the back of the neighborhood strip mall and I guess since its dark, and I'm sneaking through the back alleyway, Hasselhoff goes into covert ops Baywatch nights mode....
I hug a barrier wall through a dirt field and arrive at a walled and barred school grounds. Covert Hoff scans for surveillance cams and radios to base of his situation...(ie..i drunk text my friends telling them that my spy name is Steve Woodman from Yakima Washington if I get caught). I continue to infiltrate, but set on getting home I leave, not before diving into a few bushes to hide from a few oncoming cars.
I get home and decide on a whim that I'm going camping. I text whoever I feel and Crystal shows up at 5am. What usually takes me a week to organize and pack for a trip, I do drunkenly in an hour. All I forgot was a click lighter...so that's pretty fucking good for being wasted. We finally leave at 530 and I pass out on the truck ride up as Crystal drives. Wake up in Payson for a few supplies and I drive the rest of the way to camp. Arrive at 7am, set up, crack a beer and just sit to enjoy this typical view from our usual campsite.


























I'm tired...dog tired now. We decide to try and sleep. Stripped down, it's warm outside. 80 degrees, which, in a tent transforms to 120. I was slow roasting and basting myself with the alcohol soaked juices flowing freely from my sweaty ass. After a few hours of playing hide and seek with clouds and the rare breeze, I was about to pass out when I hear a car door close...
Now, if you're camping out in the sticks, even though it is public land, would you just randomly walk through someone's camp?
No...but these people did. A middle aged...and fugly couple parked their spotless white jeep off to the side and then just strolled through the middle of our camp while we were laying in the tent, pretty much nekkid. I get up, hand on my sidearm and start to try and get dressed while I am trying to control a very pissed off and barking Jenny.
One of those situations where it was so rude and unbelievable that you were left speechless.
They left after a minute of checking out the "view" and left me awake, amped up and pissy.




















Set up the fire while Crystal dozed, ate, drank and partied most of the night with her til 1130.
Got up in the morning to cool weather, good breakfast and talk radio only to drive home at noon to 110 degrees.
Worked Mon-Weds...nothing special.

Thursday we once again had a weekly meeting of the ABTEV (Amature beer tasters of the East Valley) at my house. One of our members was on call as the meeting progressed, so no drinking for him. I made up the slack. I did cook up a ton of good food though...oil and herb infused steamed mussels and clams, steaks, veggies and corn cobs and mesquite smoked turkey legs and pork spare ribs. So delicious...these ribs just fell apart...



















Ate and drank myself sober...passed out on the couch....it was a good night.
Friday worked....slow
Saturday worked and got my ass handed to us....schools back....
Oh, finally got my lawnmower back from the repair shop. It's mowing damn good now...the only problem is that I still have a 1/4 acre lawn to mow now where the grass likes to grow a inch a day during monsoon season.....grrr! That's the week!

Don't Hassel the Hoff!

Amid constant jabs at the red tank top wearing, lifeguard report to tower 22 immediately Mr Hasselhoff, I went out for a little last night.

Admittedly, I felt whooped. I got 3 hours of crappy sleep on Monday night, worked Tuesday day and then went to do my swim workout afterwards( which surprisingly turned out to be an awesome feeling day in the pool). I got home, unwound for an hour and then felt the urge to head out and grab a cocktail. A little tight now days, I ended up going to work to drink for dirt cheap.

On arrival I met up with Chuey and Josh and April-Josh's girlfriend. We hung for a few, watched the idiots race goldfish and then decided to head over to Mickey's for round 2. It's been a while since I had been in Mickey's and a lot has changed-mainly the furniture. After another round we headed back to work. My other server Kristen showed up, and we decided to head over to Dos Gringos. That place was a ghost town. Kristen got a memo from Buddy that one of our regulars needed to pay her tab, and that we'd find Michelle at Acme.

Got into Acme and it was balls to the wall packed. No cocktails here, we were on a search and recovery mission.

We find a tipsy Michelle and an even more gone Jessica (Shawn's girl) and escort them back to work. I lost track of Kristen after that, and closed out my tab.

Michelle and Jessica were looking for a ride home, and I was done for the night, so i offered to transport.

Michelle was bitchin about having to ride in the back seat and Jessica was drunkenly rambling about some shit, both of which I was eager to get over with. Michelle got home ok, and getting directions to Shawn's house out of a drunken girl was like getting your teeth pulled without novocaine. We finally got there and Hasselhoff was free to head home, but not before making a late night Jack in the Box run for a jumbo jack and a shake.

Can you smell it??

Lets see...get the checklist going...
1) Sundays off- so far, check...
2) Arizona and new Colts jersey- check
3) A super bowl ring for the team I cheer for plus bragging rights-a check in your face!
4) Game one this weekend? -DAMMIT!
It's soooo close now that I can taste it! The drafts are finished, new gear purchased, training camps being attended, and players healthy. All I am waiting for now is week one.
I can't hardly stand it. I've been jonesin since February and now I still have to wait another month and a half!
The only downsides to the start of the season?
Um, in most parts of the country, September is nice outside. Nice enough that sweatpants in the morning feel wonderful to compliment your bloody mary on opening kickoff. Well, not here. I won't be enjoying sweatpants until November. I'll be sitting inside with my jersey and shorts in a air conditioned house because its still 100 degrees outside. Lame. But, it will still be monsoon season for part of the season, so the chances of football in a huge ass storm is really cool.
Second downside...No more freggin gatherings at my house. How many times had I said last year that my house was open to all for Sunday football with drinks and good food and hardly anyone showed the hell up?
Screw that guys. I aint wasting more of my time,money and stress on most of you flakes. I'll just head up to the bar or stay at home and party it up solo style.
Stand fast guys, its almost here! In the meantime, I'll be passing time rooting against Barry Bonds in getting the home run record and watching the history channel.

hear my breath and smell my words!

Go Awwwwnawld! In a controversial statement today, Gov. Arnold stated that people should turn off Spanish TV in order to speak better English.

This, ironically from a man who struggles with an accent in his own Austrian tongue and needed to have subtitles in order for us to understand his lines in Conan.

His words ring true though on so many levels in my opinion.

First, as I and many others have stated before, if a person resides in the U.S., they should speak English here.

Second, if they don't, they need to learn.

Example-when many immigrants came to the U.S., they only knew their native language. Arnold spoke Austrian, my father spoke Portuguese, my mom's family spoke French. They forced themselves to learn a foreign language through immersion. They, as well as a good amount of other immigrants didn't expect the country that they decided to move to to cater towards them and make everything bilingual in order to be politically savvy.

As an added benefit, not only did they retain their native language, but with the addition of English, they were one step ahead of single language speakers like myself.

Example-

My bro Dirty Ryan moved to Japan, completely without knowledge of speaking Japanese. Through years of immersion, he can speak it there, and in fact, now teaches young Japanese children and adults English because of the high demand for English speakers in the workforce in the present and future.

What is controversial about the Gov.'s statements is that some people are interpreting it as if he's saying he wants to ban Spanish TV in general, or to force people to give up their native language to speak English, or some other spin off to knock his statement.

What I think was implied was that as these children are in ESL classes, they are struggling to grasp the English language because they are learning to speak English at school, then come home to plop down in front of the TV to watch Telemundo. I'm sorry, but if I was 6, that would scramble my brain a bit and slow me down too.

What he was trying to push was to try and immerse those kids, or whoever was trying to learn, in English. Whereas the way our society is, everything now is in multiple languages. The drive thru, the cleaners, the bank, schools, public places...etc. There is enough information out there for the non-English speaker to get by, all the while still being immersed in English outside of the home. It's when they are at home that the immersion stops.

By all means he wasn't saying to stop speaking their native language with their family or anything that drastic. Believe me, I wish I had that luxury. I was the only one in my family that was NOT raised speaking English and Portuguese, and for that, I am behind everyone else. If I would have learned the language, not only would I have been able to communicate better, if at all with my family, but it would have contributed to my everyday life. Portuguese is a Latin/Spanish based language. So technically, I would have been able to partially understand parts, if not wholes of other languages such as Spanish, Italian, French, Brazilian, and other South American and some Eastern European countries...on top of knowing English.

He was making a point that by learning English to couple with a person's native language, there are far greater opportunities out there for that person, all the while acquiring a language that is our country's native tongue.

He wasn't saying to stop watching Spanish TV, he was suggesting it as a way to grasp the English language faster.

63 years

If you're a red blooded American like myself, when someone asks you what is today's date, you'll answer with solemn pride, "June 6th, DDay". Most of the time, a little light bulb will go on over their head as they'll remember the anniversary date. The date which a few thousand soldiers lost their lives in the initial assault on Nazi invaded Europe.

Why this date is important? I guess we had a stronger European connection to the war than on the Pacific side. Truth be told, before and after Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, they were expanding their empire out into the entire Pacific and Asia.

The Philippines, Guam, Saipan, Tinian, Okinawa, Guadalcanal, Truk, Formosa, The Marshall Islands...etc. Thousands of islands in the Pacific ranging from Islands the size of West Virginia to as small as a small town. On each one of those islands, there had to be an invasion force to oust the dug in Japanese. Each one of those islands had a DDay.

Europe lost a few thousand on it's DDay. The Pacific war DDays lost tens of thousands.

Remember that when you think of and honor June 6th, that this was the easiest of the DDays to many.

Honor your servicemen.

Remember and respect the fallen.

Thank them all.

My best Hasselhoff impression

Sunday was supposed to be a relaxing day. My first day off in a week riddled with dealing with drunk assclowns. I got off work Saturday night at 3, hit up Walmart for some groceries and went to bed at 5 for a 4 hour power nap before needing to get up and do chores I haven't been able to do in a week.

Get up at the butt crackin, bushy squirrel tailed hour of 9:30ish, got ready, downed some vitamins and coffee and went to work in the garden. Finally planted a orange tree that has been waiting a week sitting on the side of the house. De-weeded, trimmed and harvested for an hour. Accidentally stepped on a ant mound, which pissed them off more than Rosie O'Donnell pissed off Amy Hasselbeck. After smacking off a horde of them on and inside my shoe, I finished up, showered and got on the road to nail down the rest of my errands. Not before putting in 4 slabs of ribs in the slow cooker to chow down later. I ran around, got a haircut, got all my shopping done, got home and then drove Crystal back to her car in Scottsdale.

I got home and got ready to have guests over for a small dinner of ribs, steaks, apps and salad. Oh, and a lot of beer. A LOT of beer. I had my share, but that was the extent of my adventure at home.

Next stop was Scottsdale. I got invited to head out on the town with Bret, Chuey, Paul and a bunch of work buddies last night. I had a driver there with Crystal working the night shift, so no DUI for me. I put on a red tank top and a pair of boardshorts, and upon arrival, I was immediately given a new nickname-"Baywatch"...aka, Hasselhoff...the drunk version, not the cooler Night Rider version.

I took it in stride though and made the most of it, joking around and having a great time. It was a busy holiday weekend, and a lot of regulars, staff and friends were in drinking at the bar. It was rare and good to be out on the other side of the bar for once. Well, until we decided to leave to head off to another bar.

We all decided on heading up the block to DJ's. We grab a few extra bodies as drinking partners to come with us, one of which, was Nancy, one of our bar's regulars.

Usually DJ's is a place where our Giligin's crew can find a good time and get taken care of and we drop a lot of money their way. Apparently not this night. We roll in and I order a round of 13 shots and 3 drinks for my crew. One full price bill later and I'm done spending money at DJ's. But it gets worse. ten minutes later, Nancy orders another 13 shots, but upon trying to deliver them, all at once on a serving tray, she trips down a stair and dumps them all, breaks the glasses, falls down and spills them all over her. She's ok, but the bartender wanted her to pay for them all and then the pissant door guy went to kick her out. That's cool, whatever, all 20 or so of us tell DJ's to kiss our asses and we ALL leave to give some other bar money. Good way to run a business guys...

We head over to Mickey's and have a quick round there before coming back to work. I'm tired, blasted, extremely pissed off and eager to go home. While Crystal and the crew are closing up, I head over to the Philly company and decide to buy sandwiches for the crew. Finally some love...I get 7 huge cheesesteaks for $30. I tip them $20. Thant's how you give love.

Outside of that, I don't remember anything else. I think there was some exposure of the nuts, a botched attempt at going to a gay bar (yes, I bailed on them), random political discussions and midget humping. I so need to mount a damn camera to me when this stuff happens.

Interesting stats

I've been working in the service industry now for over 15 years. I've been in direct contact with the general population since about 14 years old, starting with working in my Godfather's ice cream store back home in the Bay Area, into college where I did a stint at Macy's and as the past 10 years have been going, working in a pair of bars. I've seen every walk of life in my bars from the dirt poor to celebrities. All colors, all attitudes, straight, gay, disabled to the regular Joe. I am universal.


Makes me think what I, as a intoxicologist have produced as a result of my job interactions with my customers?
Some things I'd rather not know, some I wouldn't mind knowing.
Total gallons of beer served?
Bottles of liquor used?
Lemon wedges tossed?
Gallons of vomit I've induced?
Number of unwanted pregnancies?
Number of abortions from said unwanted pregnancies?
Number of girl on girl encounters induced?
Pairs of titties I've seen?
Number of relationships started?
Number of relationships ended?
Cases of alcoholism contributed to?
Hospitalisations admitted?
D.U.I convictions assessed?
Auto accidents caused?
How many people I may have killed?
Marriages ruined?
Fights started?
Average amount of money a person has spent on me?
Business deals made?
Business deals failed?
Illegal business deals made?
Bottles of aspirin used due to hangovers?
One night stands?
STD's transmitted?
I'm sure that there are plenty more things out there I could think of. You get the point though. Unfortunately as an alcohol pusher, a lot of the results are not exactly the best things in society. Then again, people going out to a bar aren't exactly too concerned about their general welfare. Drinkin,smoking and sex is what I sell, some of the world's greatest vices that will pretty much always be around. Honestly, I wouldn't want to live in a world without them, it's too much of a spice of life.
Another thing here too...as I've said, I've seen a lot of things working in this industry, and therefore a lot of people. I mean a LOT of people. For the most part I can recognize if someones been in the bar before if I've seen them in at least 3 times, sometimes less if they made a good impression. If I tie that fact into me being on the Internet daily, it SHOULD, in theory, make the world a smaller place here locally.









Enter the website www.adultfriendfinder.com . This is a website that I keep getting side banner and pop up ads for while I'm browsing my daily sites like www.consumptionjunction.com or even Myspace. It's supposedly this one stop shop for meeting local sex partners. They will pop up 3-8 thumbnail pics of girls near where you "live" that you can hook up with.
My point that this site is bogus is that for all the girls I've seen in my years of working in the industry, I have yet to see someone I recognize on a pop up ad. Seeing that I've seen more than my share of scandalous women that make this website look like a tea party, I'm declaring shenanigans on them. If you can prove me wrong, I'll acknowledge your find.

Coin radar with a side of 300

So Sunday was my day off doing nothing 'cept for the vast array of games and internet porn. I did venture out into the world however for an hour, only to go up to work and get my paycheck. Cruised up there in mid-afternoon, small talked with friends for a little and then headed home. Not before stopping by the main branch of my bank to deposit said check in the night drop.
Let me state for the record that usually (as said in a previous blog) I find some form of coinage in the street when I go out. A penny here, a dime there...etc. To this day, as for obvious reasons, I had yet to find any coinage in front of a bank. Duh, its a bank...the money is inside, and with people going in and out all day, no coin is safe in front.
Anyways, I pull up into the parking spot, make my deposit and then get back in to leave. Throw it in reverse and start backing up to leave. As i back up, I catch something in the rear view mirror. Once again...the REAR VIEW MIRROR, as I turn out. I stop the car, park it, look out the window, and just as I thought, 10 feet away...was a scratched up dime. Goddamn I'm good. I can't imagine what I'd find once I get my hands on a metal detector.
I love getting paid to go places...especially to get paid to go to the bank.
Anyways, that was Sunday in a nutshell.
Today is Tuesday though, and after work I felt like seeing a flick. I had a Harkins gift card to burn off from oh...a year and a half ago...(yes Dianna, thank you for it...I finally used it-and the free popcorn card too) I tell Crystal to giddy up over and we head off to Tempe to see 300.











So 300 Spartans take on like...a gajillion Persians and kill off tens of thousands of em before they all get smoked. Um yeah...this movie kicked so much ass that my ass is sore. I will be putting this on the must buy list once it comes out in a few months. But by all means, please don't wait until the DVD..you need to see this in the theater...it's a necessity just like Gladiator and Star Wars.
Kick ass....
Peace out!

Band recruitment at the 1st monthly amature beer tasters of the East Valley

I figured that I'd have some form of drunken debauchery on my last day off Thursday, and it turns out I did. I was slated to hang out with my bro Doug Thursday and do whatever the fates deemed fit on us. Turns out that there was absolutely nothing going on in town that day. I mean nothing, except for a hockey game, but I'm not about to drive 100 miles round trip after buying crappy last minute tickets for $60 and drive all the way across the valley to Glendale to see the Coyotes lose. So, I headed off to Sunflower market and got some sustainable food for human consumption, as well as like 8 different kinds of beers (they sell them in individual bottles, woo hoo!!) I came home, called Doug over and we started on the 1st meeting of our new clan, the Amature Beer Tasters of the East Valley.
A noble cause at best, but moreso just an excuse to have people over for good beers and munchies. No fees to pay to join, no discrimination, the only requirement is that you like a frosty brew. I love my ideas, they rule.
Anyways, we cracked into our first few new beers, and found a new quick favorite. Boulder Brewing company Cinder Cone Red Ale. Smooth as a virgins thighs, with a tiny hoppy bite floating in a amber red sea of tasty goodness. While we tasted and got wasted, I continued to test my newly found meat smoking prowess. A whole chicken (halved), turkey drumsticks and a breast, some burgers, and pork and red chile filled tamales. Tamales were simply to die for. They already tasted awesome, but you add some mesquite smoke to it...orgasmic. Hey, bonus!!! I didn't burn anything this time and it all came out pretty damn tasty! He can be taught!
Well, towards the end of our cooking session, and in the dead middle of our beer fest, we busted out my $12 Ukelele and tried to carry a tune.







































Opon realization that Dirty Ryan's (Mickey) bethroved ceremony was well...without strippers..we had this to say...





Upon the first course of smoked meats, Foster got primevil and went into a beer induced canibalistic rampage....





Calmed down, Foster then tries to play a tune, but is stuck with a $12 Ukelele after Mickey took all the instruments overseas with him...



We quickly found out that a $12 Ukelele is exactly what you pay for...The bloody strings won't stay tight! So, we pretty much are resorting to keeping it as a ornamental decoration, or as a stage prop when it comes to the point of the show when we smash our guitars.
Chris and Crystal popped over later and joined in on our festivites. Since our other Band member "Mickey" is stuck overseas on a Wicked Pissas hiatus, we concocted a surrogate UK band called the Dirty Knickers. Fosters on drums, Bass on bass, Harp on vocals (and occasional tambourine) and myself, Schnapps on vocals and off key guitar.
Its kinda like when Jefferson Airplane made jefferson Sharship, which later formed just Starship...
Finally, back to their natural intoxicated states, the last two videos speak for themselves in true Wicked Pissas style...

Missing in action for a week

The things that happen in a week's time to suck up all your personal doings...sorry, I've been lagging lately. So anyways, last Thursday I was supposed to attend a baseball game in Tempe with Doug, but turns out that he had training that day and unfortunately had to cancel. Crystal and I ended up going instead, and as it came to pass, would have been worth our time to not even go. We got there, had time enough for a beer and hot dog (two beers and two dogs...$23...something inherently wrong with that..Nazi bastards) and watched 1 1/2 innings of baseball before a few million gallons of water were dumped on us and the field. Soaked to the bone and getting chilly, we waited for the rain to subside a little before giving up hope that the game would go on.

























We left before everyone else did, beat traffic, and headed up to my work for afternoon cocktails. Got a good buzz on, and then came home. I've been on a meat smoking craze lately and am still trying to perfect the art. Just as the predecessors before me, I'm sure that they had their successes and utter failures. While Crystal was in a 2 hour jack induced coma, I headed over to the store, got some grub and wood chips and started smoking away while enjoying a good few German beers.
I had Mrs. Butterworth's up in this bitch tonight, I swear. I bought mesquite and maple wood chips to smoke, and let me tell you, the maple was phenomenal. That sweet smell coated the meats and sent you into a crazed desire for chicken and waffles. I had good success at smoking some spare ribs and a chicken, but failed miserably (due to misjudging the temps) at turkey drumsticks and bratwursts. It reminded me of when my grandfather used to make homemade linguica in his smoke shack in his backyard when I was a kid. For some reason, is usually rained when he did it, and it was really raining as I did tonight...maybe the moisture adds to the smoke quality.
For some reason I accquired a southern accent in filming the smokin treats. May have been because most smoking comes from the southern states, or it may have been the beers. I'd lay money on the beers.



We stayed up and noshed for a bit before crashing out after a long day.
Friday was Jenny's return to the vet day. I got her there at noon for her appointment and saw the total results of her battle damage. Needless to say, she won't be doing any paw modeling any longer. One of her stitches popped out too, so there will be scar tissue there. She got a shiny new bandage and was instructed to finish her antibiotics. I'll probably take off her bandage for good tomorrow and just keep a sock over her paw for two more days to keep her from licking any remaining open area. Other than that, she's lively and back to her playful self.
Work on Friday was just that...work..

Saturday I was in at 8pm and had a good portion of the day to myself beforehand. I went out with Crystal to the .99 cent store (an awesome shopping & bargain hunting experience I must say), got some crap, and then drove past the CompUSA store in Mesa, which upon driving by, was having a store closing sale.Bonus buy!! I went in and with $400, scored a new flat screen LCD monitor, new keyboard, software programs and a new 300gig external hard drive. (my current hard drive is a mere 80 gigs and is severely bogged down, so this helps immensely)
So now I have a little happier computer.
We headed over to Old Chicago for lunch and then home for a bit before work.
Saturday work was well...work.
However, Sunday was Sunday fun day! Unfortunately after a shitty 4 hours of sleep, got up at 10:30 to get ready for a baseball game in Phoenix, A's vs Seattle. Chris cruised by and then Meyers showed up at 11:45. We all headed over there and started to settle in for a sunny game..that is until Meyers got a work call (sucks, he's on call 24/7 this week for his company), and then had to leave the game to go fix some stupid A/C fridge unit at a circle K. So much for a four way. The game was good until the last inning and the A's imploded and lost after only trailing by 1. We actually spend most of the game bagging on groups of seat crashers that kept coming and going using the people's seats in front of us. We weren't aware that we were sitting in the homo-preppy Scottsdale frat boys with back acne (backnee) section. We made sure to let our opinions known...come on guys! Who wears white sailing loafers, their underwear sticking 4 inches out of the top of their shorts, no shirt and a big old solo cubic zirconium stud ear ring and doesn't expect to be bagged on...especially if you're in someone else's seat! Silly homos.
























We left there to head up to Scottsdale for dinner and drinks. Zipps was our final destination. We sat down on the patio to order, perused the menu, and while doing so, looked over to the far side of the patio and saw our Hawaii travel partner Laura hanging with a buddy. Small worlds I tell ya. We ended up staying at our table, got our grub and chilled for a bit before saying our goodbye's and splitting for home and well deserved nap time. Kinda...we crashed until 9:30pm...a more than solid 3 hour nap. I got up and putzed around while Crystal watched TV. My computer was being a little bitch and not letting me fix him, so I got frustrated and tired and called it a night at 11.

So far today, Monday, I got up relatively early from the last night's rest, and gathered my things to go look at some apartment buildings for sale in Phoenix. 4 to be exact, spread out from near the 202 and Thomas, all the way up to the I-17 and Greenway. Of course, the one all the way to the north had to be the best one. We shall see what develops on that one. I'll talk it over with my realtor and my pop to get further input.

nothin like soggy baklava

So another version of Sunday fun day. It's the first Sunday without football (my heart is already heavy) and I had planned to spend the day at the Phoenix art museum and at the Tempe Greek festival with Crystal. I had purchased tickets to the Rembrandt exhibit at the museum a few weeks ago once the event was announced, plus I've never been to the Phoenix museum. We showed up there around noon, so as we could wander the other exhibits before our 2:30pm allotted time frame to see the Rembrandts and other Dutch art. It's been a long time since I've been in an honest art museum. The ASU one doesn't quite match up, and it never really draws big events.
Wandering around we saw a lot of wonderful pieces by Picasso, O'Keefe as well as a myriad of other pieces by artists ranging from classical studies to modern art.
At 2:15, we got in line to enter the exhibit and got our "boom sticks" as I call them- our audio tour sticks so you can hear a narrated account of pieces on what looked like a spatula combined with a cell phone.
I've never been much for Rembrandt, even during my studies at ASU, but it was still wonderful to see some gorgeous works by him and his contemporaries. There actually was a better exhibit on the other side of the museum showing a gallery of classical art from Naples. That stuff was simply amazing and moving.
We left there at around 3 and headed to Tempe to hit the Greek festival. I've been trying to get to this festival for 3 years, but I always seem to miss it. I caught wind of it early this year on a whim search of events and found out that it was going to be held in Tempe, along Rio Salado instead of at St. Katherine's church in Phoenix. Cool, some good times, great food, beers and music!



















Not so much. As we rolled into Tempe, so did black ass storm clouds. It wasn't raining yet, so we decided to brave it. As soon as we crossed through the entrance to the park, the sky opened up on us. There was a predicted 30% chance of showers, but not 100% chance of a torrential downpour.We got soaked to the soul. Wearing only t shirts and jeans, it was getting very cold, very fast. Undeterred, we browsed through jewelry tents and eventually made our way to the food and drink courts. I haven't had any Greek desserts in years, and I've been jonesin for baklava, so soaked or not, I was gonna git some. We hit up the gyro tent first, ordering in the rain and Crystal had her first ever gyro, huddled under the tarp tent with all 300 other attendees still determined to have a good time.
Soaked and cold as hell, we were still smiles, ear to ear with full bellies. Alas, everyone was closing shop, so we had no choice but to brave the rain 4 blocks to the truck. Sure enough, one block into our journey, it started raining heaviest all day. Big ol, supersized raindrops too that soaked you like mini water balloons. By the time we were halfway, my white shirt was see-through and water was running freely off our faces. All we needed was a bar of soap.



















We finally got to the truck and headed home drenched and smelling like wet dogs. Along the way, the heater cranked to dry off, we hit up Hollywood video and rented Crank (which I recommend for pure action and ass-kickery), and hit up Sunflower market for groceries for home and dinner.
Got back and cooked up some chicken cordon bleu, stuffed peppers and steamed broccoli with a plentiful side of bottled beers and enjoyed a relaxing night at home.

uuuugh...

I found out today that the best cure in the world for a hangover, is to not get one.
Last night was one of "those" nights wherein you didn't plan on getting drunk, let alone to drink at all, but somehow you did.
Oh man, don't get me wrong, it was a blast while going at it from 9pm to 3am, but you aren't exactly thinking of the consequences while you are doing your 3rd carbomb of the night.
Doug, Chris and Crystal ended up cruising by last night and literally closed the bar down at Casa Demelo. I somehow managed to make sausage,ribs, garlic bread and salsa in an altered state and didn't screw any of them up. Actually, the ribs came out to near perfect, which is a bane of mine, I still haven't mastered the meat. Huh, I said "meat"...
Crystal crashed earlier than the rest of us and that left the boys to chat about manly shit for a few hours til near dawn, all the while shotgunning cans of Budweiser.
I love "time travelling" as I call it. Apparently I only time travel after everyone has left for the night and I am left to my own devices. At some point immediately after Doug left, while Crystal was sleeping, I had cleaned up some of the kitchen, had some leftover ribs, managed to properly shut-down the lights and the surround sound system and left things in a relatively organized state and made my way to the bed, where I promptly passed the hell out.
I had anticipated a solid night's sleep, but that was far from happening. It's really getting on my nerves that its February, which, last I checked was winter, and it's 80 degrees outside.
That ain't right. Well, due to it being 80 degrees, I couldn't sleep in a hot ass bedroom due to sweating my detoxing balls off under, and eventually on top of a down comforter.

I did have a really strange dream though about being nekkid in public and receiving a ton of Christmas presents. If you can translate what that means, I'd appreciate it.

So, I did what any hungover fool could do- Make a quadruple espresso, take a huge crap (and it was-one of the impressive colon buster ones that comes out in one solid tube, going down the pipe and having the other half sticking up out of the water about 6 inches), shower and spank it to high quality free porn before going to work.

BTW- speaking of long black things, to my negro Smitty, happy black history month man.

Peace out

Past Due

Ah the feeling of a championship! A past due one for Indy on top of that. The colts have waited a long 36 years since their last title and based on the fact that they should have everyone back next season, they may not have to wait too long for their next one. Manning got the choke monkey flung decisively off his back, and coach Dungy got a bit of redemption after a long hard road which included losing his son to suicide a year and a month ago.

Why should I care though? Aren't you from San Fran??!! You have a team!

Correction. I had a home team. I am from a city that boasts one of the 3 teams that has 5 world championship titles. Although I still hold a special place in my heart for my woeful Niners, I am an Arizona resident now, and due to demographics, I want to support my local sports team, in all of the Cardinals embarrassing facets.

However those of you who know me know that I have my favorites. I'm a surrogate Cardinals/Saints/Niners and definitely a Colts fan. Past three years in fantasy football, I've drafted Manning and loved it. Last year I drafted 3 Colts players, and this year I drafted 4, Manning, Harrison, Vinateri and Dominic Rhodes. They are led by a soft-spoken respecting coach who understands not only the meaning of the game, but lives a respectable and wholesome life. Dungy translates this to his players in a non-forced-monkey see, monkey do way of molding his players. Through hardships and drama and definite heartbreaks, Indy kept on picking themselves up and starting over.

All of this is commendable, if not admirable. I like that in a team. They know that they are good, and are professional and humble about it. There's no Terrell Owens gloating or boasting, no New England excessive celebrating, no Minnesota boat cruise.

In comparison, they are like my past Niners, playing with respect. Therefore, they have mine.

Look for the Manning/Harrison combo to last a while and go the way of Montana/Rice or Aikman/Irving, and for Indy to soon reach 4 more titles.

So yes, I am a Indy fan. I'm also a Niner, Saint and ..yes, still a Cardinal fan. See you at the Superbowl next year, here in Phoenix. FYI- This year's odds for the Cardinals to go to the game 100/1, the Colts 6/1. I can't even imagine the odds of an Arizona/Indy superbowl here in Phoenix next year...

Sundayfunday

Finally, a day off wherein I don't have to do any chores or errands or any other laborious tasks. So, after Saturday night's brain dulling and gene pool questioning debacle, it was a welcome day.

Slept in til a convenient 1130, got up and made breakfast.

There was a old historic military vehicle show being held in Phoenix at the National Guard base, so I decided to check it out. It was free anyways and it cost you $5 bucks if you wanted to park on site. The donation went to the military fund that they represented anyways, so I didn't mind.

Crystal wanted to go with, so we humped it over there and took a quick tour of all the vehicles.

Most were restored fairly well, and spanned from WWII to the present day. There were some that, well, I failed to see why they were there. I guess the present Bronco trucks spray painted in camo qualified somehow as a historical truck. Maybe in AJ, but not here.

It was pretty neat seeing a vast array of different types of vehicles there, including some foreign ones from Switzerland and Germany.

Now here's my gripe..

I love WWII. The history, the stories, the knowledge we achieved during the time, but it never fails...I don't know how many of you have been to a show like this, or to a gun show, or even sometimes at an outdoor expo, but people that are obsessed with that NAZI shit are always there! Hey, I'm not a believer in that way of life, but I can appreciate the history of WWII Germany and how their actions affected the course of the war. If you wish to come to an event like this and display memorabilia for display and historical reference, sweet! I'm for it! Certain stuff disturbs me however.

There was a display of a WWII German Kubelwagon from the Africa campaign on display there. It was really nicely restored to almost mint condition. I was impressed. I wanted to get a closer look and a few pics so I got closer to it and saw in the interior that the owner had draped a NAZI flag across the back under a restored German rifle and had other Hitler items placed around it.

I was like, um, OK...I'm pretty sure that this is a German jeep now...duh...

Just then, the owner struts up and he's in a full German desert uniform, reaches in the vehicle's passenger side and turns on a personal stereo to play German propaganda and music.

I had to walk away, it was just too obsessive with the whole NAZI thing. Too bad, it was a nice truck.

There was a few of those guys there, strutting around all proud in their uniforms. Um...newsflash...you lost the war, and your leader was fucking insane, and dead by the way.

We stayed there for about an hour browsing and then left. Hit up the grocery store and had some dinner at the house. I should have ate more, I got a little tipsy...

As if I'm not stressed out enough

I'm smack in the middle of my hell week, with the worst of it still to come. Hanging Christmas lights, decorating, re-arranging the house, prepping and pre-prepping, cleaning, stocking, baking, cooking, freezing, more cleaning, running errands, yardwork, the usual household chores and of course, my job. That's just the past 3 days too. I've been putting in my usual hours at work, plus another 5-8 hours of work a day at home, so it's no wonder that I'm a little stressed. I won't be able to relax until about 11pm Sunday night when shit is all done and I can enjoy a few cocktails with all of y'all. I have to go and pick my cuz and her husband up at the airport today for their trip out here for a few days, which will be a welcome visit, not just because they are family, but they will be able to help out when needed.

You figure that with all this stuff going on that the last thing I need is to have more drama get kicked down my way. Well I got some today. I can't go into details about the drama, but I will say this. I invite who I want to invite. I don't know of some people's personal pasts in relation to other guests, and honestly, I'd like to keep it that way. It's none of my fucking business. But when peeps have potential drama with other peeps, keep it on the DL, because I won't stand for drama here. I'll smack the shit out of y'all if you cause a problem in front of 40+ guests and neighbors, in my house, after I've busted my ass for over a month and well over a thousand bucks to do this. Don't bring it here...period. I won't be babysitting at my own fucking party.

That's all I have to say.

Oh! And, it's supposed to get down to 40 degrees at nite Sunday, bring a sweater or jacket.

RSVP

Today is the holiday party RSVP day! A good portion of you all did RSVP for the dinner portion of the event within good time! Thank you! As for the rest of the invitees, you are still welcome, but I cannot guarantee that there will be leftovers waiting for you opon arrival. Grab some burger king and come by for cocktails after ten.

RSVP'd for Dec 10th- (42 confirmed)

Dianna + 1, Laura, Misty +1, Bret, Mike +1, Fish, Nancy, Bill, Chris, Crystal, Drea, Ben, Matt +1, Ryan +1, Jen, Beth, Hilary, Arron +3, Skip, Gary & Sabina +1, Neil, Brian +1, Erin & Susan, Tina & Jeff, Paul +1, Beccah, Jason & Kristen.

Possible for later-mystery guests ( 35 )

Eris & Susan, Bruce and Laurie, Greg & Wendy, Mort & Claire, Vance & Lindsay, Kansas, Buddy, Smitty (token black guy!), Greg, Cobbler-Man, Jen & Trish, Doug, Whitney, Big E, Axl, Whitney S, T-Bone & Katie, Chef Mike & Rebecca, Jen & Mindy, Wade, Chuey, plus maybe 5 I may have missed.

This is slated to be the biggest turnout yet aside from the first time 9 years ago! I had no leftovers that time and I hope for the same this time around. People have been busy asking me if they can bring or do anything, and my answer is this- We (or a party in general) could always use extra ice,beer, firewood, hot (preferably nekkid) bitches or whatever you may think as fitting (except for food! There will be enough here!!!)

Gratzi!!!

I'll keep you posted up until gameday!

Fortnight

1)A fortnight is a unit of time equal to two weeks: that is 14 days, or literally 14 nights. The term is common in the British Isles and many Commonwealth countries, but rarely used in the United States. It derives from the Old English feowertiene niht, meaning "fourteen nights".
2)The standard period of time before Mr. Demelo's holiday party when the stresses build, plans come together and stuff starts getting done in a crazy, caffeine induced fit while juggling work, friends and finances that culminates in one crazy night.

Also see- Arrrrghhh!, I'm losing my mind, human stress levels, caffeine fits, perfectionist.

Sidenote- post fortnight- approximately 10:32 pm, Dec 10th 2006, when Mr. Demelo can finally relax, breathe again and get boldly trashed.

1 fortnight = 2 sennights (or two weeks)
1 fortnight = 336 hours
1 fortnight = 20,160 minutes
1 fortnight = 1,209,600 seconds

Let's play a game called "how many dumps in a day"

Oh, the traditional American gorgefest that we love to call Thanksgiving? Giving thanks for what? A distended gut? Day long gas brewed from a plethora of yams, deviled eggs, stuffing and beer? Eating enough turkey filled tryptophane to knock you out faster than 3 Quaalude and a sixer?? No, matter, I look forward to it every year.

I started my day off after a few hours of sleep making my( now famous and asked for) fruit salsa and prepping yams for my second stop later on in the day. I grab my salsa and head over to one of our regulars house, Nancy. That woman puts out a spread I tell you- all the more unnecessary too. There was 12 people...12, there at dinner time. She made 4 turkeys, a ham, bowls(multiple) of yams, salad, stuffing, mashed taters and breads. Add a separate table just for appetizers and multiple coolers of beer and you could have fed an army. I had 2 gut buster plates and then took a plate home. I couldn't stay for dessert, not because I had to be somewhere else, but for the fact that I couldn't fit anymore in!!

I split at 4, head home and make the yams to bring down to our friends Crystal and Andrea's house. I show up and so far its just us three. The boys said they may make it later on. Crystal put out a good spread, actually, a impressive one for someone that not only hasn't cooked a dinner like this, but a turkey in general. Another plate of turkey and trimmings later and I needed a stomach pump. Fighting off the effects of cat allergies, I pass out on the sofa in a dreamland of turkey bliss. Drea busts out the super nintendo for nostalgia, and my interests are peaked enough to roll off the couch and play a game or two. Soon though, the turkey called my ass back to semi-conscious land on the couch.

I felt like seeing a movie, and getting out of the cat house, so Crystal took me up on an offer to rent a flick. I stopped by Hollywood and rented a thriller called Frailty. Never seen it. Don't think I will still...I got home and lasted another hour before I needed to pass the hell out. 4 cups of espresso and a power dump couldn't save my turkey stuffed ass, so it was time for yours truly to pass the hell out....

A 47 lb cock and a parole hearing

I got out of work last night and decided to take my bro Doug's offer to hang out sometime. I gave him a call and wanted to do something after I got home at 7. He called back saying that he would get home around 745. Cool, time to take a shower and scrub the sack and make a beer run. I hit up Fry's and grabbed a 6er of Pete's new seasonal brew "Wanderlust"-a pale cream ale. Tasty treats I tell you, I'll have to look around more for it. I also got him a gift, a bottle of my favorite vinos- Rex Goliath's 47 pound cock! A wine collection ain't nothing until it has a 47 lb cock in it. It's a pretty good merlot, dark and rich, but not overly sweet and not too dry...almost perfect. And at $6 a bottle, its even better. Where else can you get to chug a 47 lb cock for $6?? Well, maybe south Phoenix...and have a buck left over for bus fare home.

Doug's girl ( almost common law spouse!) Karna was travelling to Michigan to spend the holiday with family,so I had the boy to myself for a few hours before he crashed out from a long days work.

It was cool, we caught up on Ryan, family stuff, talked about bitches and titties, got him signed up for a blog site, and made an old school beer inspired taco bell run. I ended up splitting out of there at 1030 and go a hold of Chris, Drea and Crystal to come over for a few and hang out. Papi was hitting the jack hard last night, guess the holiday crunch is on at work. I get the feeling that I'll find out for myself tonight, being one of the busiest bar nights of the year...day before Thanksgiving, no work or school manana, people on vacation, getting wasted. Good, I need the cash. Time to pay off party expenses.