My best Hasselhoff impression

Sunday was supposed to be a relaxing day. My first day off in a week riddled with dealing with drunk assclowns. I got off work Saturday night at 3, hit up Walmart for some groceries and went to bed at 5 for a 4 hour power nap before needing to get up and do chores I haven't been able to do in a week.

Get up at the butt crackin, bushy squirrel tailed hour of 9:30ish, got ready, downed some vitamins and coffee and went to work in the garden. Finally planted a orange tree that has been waiting a week sitting on the side of the house. De-weeded, trimmed and harvested for an hour. Accidentally stepped on a ant mound, which pissed them off more than Rosie O'Donnell pissed off Amy Hasselbeck. After smacking off a horde of them on and inside my shoe, I finished up, showered and got on the road to nail down the rest of my errands. Not before putting in 4 slabs of ribs in the slow cooker to chow down later. I ran around, got a haircut, got all my shopping done, got home and then drove Crystal back to her car in Scottsdale.

I got home and got ready to have guests over for a small dinner of ribs, steaks, apps and salad. Oh, and a lot of beer. A LOT of beer. I had my share, but that was the extent of my adventure at home.

Next stop was Scottsdale. I got invited to head out on the town with Bret, Chuey, Paul and a bunch of work buddies last night. I had a driver there with Crystal working the night shift, so no DUI for me. I put on a red tank top and a pair of boardshorts, and upon arrival, I was immediately given a new nickname-"Baywatch"...aka, Hasselhoff...the drunk version, not the cooler Night Rider version.

I took it in stride though and made the most of it, joking around and having a great time. It was a busy holiday weekend, and a lot of regulars, staff and friends were in drinking at the bar. It was rare and good to be out on the other side of the bar for once. Well, until we decided to leave to head off to another bar.

We all decided on heading up the block to DJ's. We grab a few extra bodies as drinking partners to come with us, one of which, was Nancy, one of our bar's regulars.

Usually DJ's is a place where our Giligin's crew can find a good time and get taken care of and we drop a lot of money their way. Apparently not this night. We roll in and I order a round of 13 shots and 3 drinks for my crew. One full price bill later and I'm done spending money at DJ's. But it gets worse. ten minutes later, Nancy orders another 13 shots, but upon trying to deliver them, all at once on a serving tray, she trips down a stair and dumps them all, breaks the glasses, falls down and spills them all over her. She's ok, but the bartender wanted her to pay for them all and then the pissant door guy went to kick her out. That's cool, whatever, all 20 or so of us tell DJ's to kiss our asses and we ALL leave to give some other bar money. Good way to run a business guys...

We head over to Mickey's and have a quick round there before coming back to work. I'm tired, blasted, extremely pissed off and eager to go home. While Crystal and the crew are closing up, I head over to the Philly company and decide to buy sandwiches for the crew. Finally some love...I get 7 huge cheesesteaks for $30. I tip them $20. Thant's how you give love.

Outside of that, I don't remember anything else. I think there was some exposure of the nuts, a botched attempt at going to a gay bar (yes, I bailed on them), random political discussions and midget humping. I so need to mount a damn camera to me when this stuff happens.

Up in the air

Well, the June trip to California has officially been cancelled for numerous reasons.

One, they rescheduled the Hermosa Beach AVP tournament to last weekend, so there will be nothing going on there when we were supposed to go.

Two, Sharkeez is STILL not open and remains a burnt up hulk of a building.

Three, there is a possible family business deal going through here wherein I'll be going in on a apartment building with Dad that would require me to be present to sign escrow papers, walk-throughs, etc...

So, everything is up in the air right now. Besides, it would save me a pretty penny not to go in two weeks.

The alternative? Mom's birthday is the 29th of July, and I'd like to be there. Chris and Crystal have never been to the bay area and would be a fun adventure for them. Combine that with if Doug is able to come too (we grew up there together), we'd be able to take them on a nostalgic, fun (and possibly drunken) adventure while we be their guide. If I can swing it with the folks, I'd be able to have Crystal and maybe Chris crash at the parents house. If I can't get that many people allowed to stay there, a cheap hotel may be available (and possibly more comfy) for Chris and Doug.

I also wouldn't have to find a sitter for Jenny, as Mom and Dad would love to see her there too.

We could take one car with all out stuff and one dog. It would break down to about $50 a person for gas and some minor grocery costs to chip in for meals at home.

That's our tentative plan right now, but like I said, things are still up in the air...

Put a bullet in them already!

Last night, Crystal was browsing around reading various news articles and she stumbled across an article on Arizona's death row. Upon seeing the article, I have come to realize how stupid bureaucracy in the legal system is.

Here in Arizona, there are inmates on death row that committed crimes and were sentenced clear back in 1977.

Um...why are they still allowed to breathe my air?

Not to mention waste my tax dollars?

It takes on average (depending on state and local funding) between $60,000 to over $100,000 per YEAR to maintain,feed,care for, EDUCATE, and give medical care to death row inmates.

The average cost of a bullet? 40 cents.

Why the need to school them or provide comforting amenities in jail? What, are they planning to get a good job or start a family someday? Did they suddenly get rehabilitated, found God and are trying to live a wholesome life now?

Remember when Saddam Hussein got sentenced to die? It was law that stated once a sentence was handed down, then it must be carried out within 30 days. Sure enough, 28 days later he was swinging in the gallows.

THAT is justice my friends. You have 28 days to pray your ass off, write letters to families,friends, do some soul searching and prepare yourself to die. That's it, after that, consider your debt to the man upstairs paid for-whether you are forgiven for your crimes after that is only up to Him now.

So why are all these inmates allowed to remain alive? The appeals process, liberal human rights groups that wish to abolish the death penalty, money hungry lawyers, etc...

"(Insert name here) has the right to live!!!"

Bullshit! You know what...The baby thrown in an Arizona canal tied to a cinder block had rights, the store clerk that got murdered by a racist post 9/11 fanatic had rights, and the two young ladies in 1977 who were bound, mouths taped shut, sexually assaulted, then had dirt shoved in their noses to asphyxiate them and then afterwards stabbed multiple times to make sure they were dead followed by having their breasts mutilated by the dude in the picture above....they all had FUCKING rights too.

Hell, one inmate even wants to die. He's been on death row for a few years and has blatantly rejected his rights to appeals and wishes to die. Yet he is still delayed because a Right to Live group filed an appeal in his name.

Put a damn bullet in them already! You do the crime, you do the damn time!

Interesting post

I recieved a quick bulletin on Myspace that I thought was right on. It exemplifies the "pussification" of America.

Some Wednesday Reading!
Body:
Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.

The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens... Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason; that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television.That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! AMEN!

I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up, lay down and BE QUIET!!!

Denny's, random snobbery, murderous hostels and updates

So this weekend, Saturday night was slow enough at work that it warranted a man to be cut loose. I was that man. I hooked up with Chris and Crystal who were already out for a quick beer and we moved on south to Pranksters. We had one there and got a handful of messages from Crystal's friend Laura who was out with a group of people at The Well on Scottsdale road. We cruised over and closed the night out there. Crystal joined the drunken debauchery while Chris and I stayed sentry over the drunken monkeys. We decided that getting some food was in order, so we headed south to Denny's in Tempe, aptly nicknamed "stripper" Denny's due to that's where the dancers from nearby Christie's cabaret go to eat at shift change.
We roll in and are seated in the corner across the way from a table of 6 diners of African American origin. We think nothing of it and wait to order. In the meantime we witness a display of racism from them that makes them no better than a typical racist. Here we are, open to all races, which is what they were fighting for over the past hundreds of years, and now they were being no better than the social misgivings they wanted eradicated. Comments ranging from "What is he doing hanging with a white girl?" to "look at them two white pigs comin in" (referring to two of duty cops coming in to eat). It was starting to make me lose my appetite.
They left, we ate, then went home.
Next day, since I drove Crystal to my home (too drunk to drive her own car), she was at my whim. We spent the day running errands, shopping, what not...Hit up Big Lots, Sam's club, Fry's and wanted to splurge a little so we did a bit of shopping at AJ's fine foods.
I don't have a beef with AJ's, in fact, I love going there. I can find so many unique and interesting items there to take home, and if I feel like it, splurge big time on some great cuts of meat. There is one problem with the place though, is that sometimes, you run into the all too annoying people that think they "are better than your scrub ass..."
Crystal and I roll in with lounge-around, no frills clothes. I have cargo shorts on, a visor, and a tee shirt that conveniently says "I stay broke, no more money". If you don't understand the humor in the shirt, then you aren't meant to.
We are cruising through the aisles and I'm showing Crystal various items and sundries, what they are used for, tidbits of information..etc...it's an educational trip for her. We roll down the aisle and as I approach the end, I slow down so I don't plow into an unsuspecting shopper. Enter unsuspecting shopper...a lady in her 40's, botoxed, tummy tucked, lipoed,made up and attitude injected queen of the world. She had a good 4 feet between her and the cart, but she gave me the worst case of dagger eyes in the world. Like, she wished I'd die, but not before I got lesions and leprosy, went bald, lost all my teeth and lived in a cardboard box drinking my own urine before I die look. Apparently my middle class ass invaded her 30 foot bubble. I'm sorry, but the last I checked, my money spent all the same, whether it be at a 7-11 or at Louis Vuitton. Apparently what my money can't buy is a boot good enough to kick up your ass.
Speaking of asses...here's mine...kiss it!
We got home and I started prepping and cooking, simple stuff. Over the course of the night we watched Smokin' Aces (an ok-good shoot'em upper) and Hostel. I expected Hostel to...
1)be scarier than hell
2)to be so gory that I'd be sick
and 3) to have really messed up dreams.
Wasn't scary, hardly as gory as I expected, and i didn't have a bad dream. Some interesting plot twists, and if you're down for an almost B grade horror flick, go ahead and see it. Then again some people are more sensitive than others.
Other than that, current updates are as follows...
-It's been decided that if we go to California in 3 weeks, we will be driving. The tickets are not cost effective along with the hotel costs.
-As an added bonus, the Surfrider Foundation annual celebrity/pro surf competition will be up the road in Huntington Beach the weekend we want to go.
-My pop and I are going to try and officially make a bid on the apartment complex I've been investigating the past week. I went and met with the realtor and the manager today to get a walk-through and talked it over with dad.
-It's getting freggin hot. 106 today.
-and its going to get much hotter.....dammit.
Peace out for now.

it'll stick in your head

A Classic Muppet Skit that will stick in anyone's head



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Where in the world is Marc Demelo?

Follow this link to google maps to see where all I've been. It's pretty cool! You can make up your own maps as well! Don't forget to zoom in if it looks all cluttered.

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&msid=116693688445716539367.0000011282a734da6c4b1&om=1&ll=48.224673,-109.6875&spn=99.91938,236.953125&t=h&z=2

Interesting stats

I've been working in the service industry now for over 15 years. I've been in direct contact with the general population since about 14 years old, starting with working in my Godfather's ice cream store back home in the Bay Area, into college where I did a stint at Macy's and as the past 10 years have been going, working in a pair of bars. I've seen every walk of life in my bars from the dirt poor to celebrities. All colors, all attitudes, straight, gay, disabled to the regular Joe. I am universal.


Makes me think what I, as a intoxicologist have produced as a result of my job interactions with my customers?
Some things I'd rather not know, some I wouldn't mind knowing.
Total gallons of beer served?
Bottles of liquor used?
Lemon wedges tossed?
Gallons of vomit I've induced?
Number of unwanted pregnancies?
Number of abortions from said unwanted pregnancies?
Number of girl on girl encounters induced?
Pairs of titties I've seen?
Number of relationships started?
Number of relationships ended?
Cases of alcoholism contributed to?
Hospitalisations admitted?
D.U.I convictions assessed?
Auto accidents caused?
How many people I may have killed?
Marriages ruined?
Fights started?
Average amount of money a person has spent on me?
Business deals made?
Business deals failed?
Illegal business deals made?
Bottles of aspirin used due to hangovers?
One night stands?
STD's transmitted?
I'm sure that there are plenty more things out there I could think of. You get the point though. Unfortunately as an alcohol pusher, a lot of the results are not exactly the best things in society. Then again, people going out to a bar aren't exactly too concerned about their general welfare. Drinkin,smoking and sex is what I sell, some of the world's greatest vices that will pretty much always be around. Honestly, I wouldn't want to live in a world without them, it's too much of a spice of life.
Another thing here too...as I've said, I've seen a lot of things working in this industry, and therefore a lot of people. I mean a LOT of people. For the most part I can recognize if someones been in the bar before if I've seen them in at least 3 times, sometimes less if they made a good impression. If I tie that fact into me being on the Internet daily, it SHOULD, in theory, make the world a smaller place here locally.









Enter the website www.adultfriendfinder.com . This is a website that I keep getting side banner and pop up ads for while I'm browsing my daily sites like www.consumptionjunction.com or even Myspace. It's supposedly this one stop shop for meeting local sex partners. They will pop up 3-8 thumbnail pics of girls near where you "live" that you can hook up with.
My point that this site is bogus is that for all the girls I've seen in my years of working in the industry, I have yet to see someone I recognize on a pop up ad. Seeing that I've seen more than my share of scandalous women that make this website look like a tea party, I'm declaring shenanigans on them. If you can prove me wrong, I'll acknowledge your find.

Unfixable regrets

In August of 1994 I thought I was starting to get a grip on my own Independence. I had graduated high school a month earlier in June with hopes of going off to college on a swimming scholarship to where ever. I was to take the next six months off to train and work, which I did. I was accepted into multiple colleges across the nation and had narrowed it down to a handful;San Diego State, the University of Puget Sound in Washington, LSU and on the advice from my swim coach, Arizona State, where she graduated from and was on their swim team. I decided on ASU. I don't regret it. Something was destined for me to be there. However, what helped me choose ASU rather than a school directly on the west coast was that it was far enough from my parents that they couldn't directly keep tabs on me. It was most kid's thoughts during high school to rebel against their parents. I was no different. The only time I associated with them was either at the dinner table in one word answers to their questions or rants or in brief conversations during lunchtime when I'd come home for lunch hour during school. The rest of the time I escaped off to my room, or go on aimless drives to nowhere, work, hanging with friends, or to occupy my time twice daily for 2-3 hours a session training in the pool. I hated my parents. They were so "out of the loop", old and always on my case so i thought.

So ASU was to be a godsend for me to establish my freedom. I think that Dad had sensed this upcoming rebellion, so before I was to leave to college in January after my 6 months of training, he wanted to take me to the Azores, a series of tiny islands off Portugal where he and his family and 13 brothers and sisters were born,raised and immigrated from. I thought the trip was going to be lame, and I made it a point to myself to want to isolate myself as much as possible from them on the trip. That was exactly what I did at 17 years old.

He tried as best as he could to show and tell me things from his past there to me, and I'm sure he was very informative, but I chose not to listen. When we walked around, I'd walk 20 feet in front of him and Mom. When they wanted to go out, I stayed in our hotel room and listened to my walkman. Didn't matter how high up I turned the volume, I could still hear the nightly celebrations form the local festivals in the town square up the road, where my parents decided to go to after I shot them down. I was so angry of the fact that my father dragged me 9000 miles on a family trip. In my mind, my parents were lame to do that to me.

Even tragedy couldn't bring me to be with my family on that trip. 3 days into it, a cousin of my Dad, who still lived in my family's town, had a stroke and died no sooner than 12 hours after visiting their home. In the old world customs and lack of embalming, the funeral was to be the next day in the local cemetery a block from the hotel. My parents would go, and even though I had met the woman and she treated me nicely, I refused to meet with my parents at the funeral. It was a disrespectful and immature move, but I didn't care.

Towards the end of the trip, I could tell (nowdays) that day was getting frustrated, depressed and angry with me, but I didn't care.

I just didn't care, not one bit. I just wanted to go home, back to my training, my friends, my world.

Come January at ASU, I missed the chance to get on the swim team. My training was gone for nothing. My friends weren't there either. In fact, my world wasn't my world anymore. I was a solo stranger embarking on a trip with no guidance now. The only shred of the reality I knew of came in the form of a phone call from back home 3 days after arrival in Arizona. It was from my parents. They had called me after the only message I gave them of my arrival came in the form of a quick voicemail call of a few sentences, "I made it here, I'm settling in, things are good, talk to you later."

I only talked to Mom on the phone call they made. Dad couldn't talk. He was too busy crying on the other line.

To this day I have yet to see him cry. That phone call however forever changed my view of him from what I knew as a teenager. He was no longer the hard oppressing dictator I made him out to be. He was only a human, a man, a loving (if not expressing it) father.

The distance between us, and with me getting older has strengthened our bond. I've seen him fight and beat 4 cancers since then. However, seeing him only two to three times a year now takes his toll on me. He looks weaker, greyer, a little more frail every time, slower, older. 13 years ago he was in his late 50's and could still whip my ass. Now as he approaches 70, he aches to get up to take his 10 different pills for 10 different ailments.

I've been wanting to be more involved in and have been pursuing family issues more lately. Starting a family tree for example, or asking a lot of questions regarding our family's history. I feel guilty leaving to return to Phoenix after the holidays, and I feel bad that I'm not living closer to them now.

I want to return to Furnas, on the island of San Miguel, Azores, Portugal and know where I came from in earnest. Unfortunately, I know that my parents, especially my father will most likely never be able to make that journey again. I'd have to travel with other family members, which is fine, but not fair to what I did to dad. The hands on stories from him won't be there that only he would know. I couldn't share with him, walks down streets to see him gaze out in a memorable daydream of times past.

My regret, is that I denied my father to be exactly that...my father.

Cinco de drinko

Yesterday was once again one of those fun filled days that bartenders hate. While y'all are busy having a great time tearing it up on a holiday created by American liquor companies to celebrate an insignificant day in Mexican history wherein they whooped some french butt-we're busting our asses for not enough money in order to get you that ice cold corona that was brewed in Chicago.

I hope you all thoroughly enjoyed the holiday guys. As for me, I'm enjoying the fact that today, Sunday, you are all in a world of hurt from suffering from nasty hangovers. If it's any consolation to you, I only walked with a mere $130 last night after dealing with every single short-bus drinker that was either too wasted to get into, or not cool enough to get into one of the many "Mexican" bars nearby, therefore had to resort to coming into our bar as leftovers.

Bitter? A bit. It's a wonderful start to the slow season in Arizona. Last night was just a grandiose shotgun start to the summer season of no cash. A veritable combo-platter of slow cheapness...

1) ASU finals week-apparently kids are too busy studying to go out- that is definitely a FIRST!

2) Cinco De Mayo- guess what, our bar isn't a Mexican cantina. We didn't promote anything for the weekend, we were overstaffed, overpriced and definitely NOT busy.

3) Fight night- Mayweather vs. De La Hoya on pay per view. People watching the fight at home or somewhere that carried the broadcast. We didn't have it.

Add them all together and we have a super-shitty night.

While I'm on a bitter tirade relating to a Mexican holiday- We (Phoenix) had a protest march last Tuesday, along with most of the other major cities in this country regarding immigration reform and amnesty. I'll be short, as I've already touched on this subject before.

All you guys that protested on Tuesday can eat me.

My contributions/payments -

$120 a month for my own health care/insurance

$42 a month for dental/vision insurance

$600 per 6 months for auto insurance

$140 a week average on groceries/gas

$70,000 (my parents) for my education from ASU

$4000 a year average on state income tax/welfare/social security that I can't use.

$200-$1000 on other utility/necessary/personal bills

$39.95 for a Mexican Flag so I can shove it up your ass due to the fact that illegal immigrants come here and are now expecting to get all of the above items plus a whole lot more for free.

Come here legally or get the heck out.

Speaking of getting the hell out, it's about a month out until Hermosa Beach. Still no travellers confirmed, or reservations or dates made as we are still too tight on cash, but it still is in the works.

That's my rant for now, and I'm sticking to it.