Expand your mind Craig!

I have to say that whenever I have the TV on in my house, there are only a few channels I will have on religiously. Travel channel, food network (gotta love Good Eats), Fox News (CNN is a bunch of liberal commie bastards), comedy central, and finally, above all else, I love my discovery channel. On said channel, I have to prefer Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs and Les Stroud's Survivor man. Chances are, if its on, no matter where, I'm watching it.

Something about that channel and expanding your brain and your universe says something. The only down side of it is that, as of late, most of the show have been reruns. Not that I'm going to turn down Mr. Rowe, but his jobs are old news. Its redundancy that gets me irked. I have the information in my brain, its expanded...now it wants more. I guess I have to wait until Monday for new episodes. Only problem is that it conflicts with my Monday night guilty vice of WWE Monday night Raw. Well, considering the male soap opera that is professional wrestling, it probably kills brain cells, so in watching re-runs, it cancels out the cell deaths.

What dreams may come

There has been only a few times before wherein I let out a sigh of relief so great that my soul was lifted.

One was when Dirty Ryan and I decided to ride our bikes down LaHonda 32 miles one way to the beach as kids. While riding there was easy and downhill, the ride back left Ryan stranded and me pedalling my fat kid ass 20 miles uphill with no water. I ascended the summit walking my 2 ton bike into a closed service station to wrap my dusty mouth around a gas station water spigot and drained the local reservoir before heading downhill to home and a 20 hr coma.

The other time was as a teen, hiking the cliffs along the beach at Pescadero and I strayed off the cliff trail into a crevasse 500 ft above the beach where I slipped and almost fell off the edge. The only thing that saved me was a dying plant and its embedded roots. It let me claw my way to safety.

Last night I breathed a similar sigh after working 5 days straight and for the first time in 5 months, I was able to make enough money to have my bills paid AND put cash into my savings as opposed to just barely paying bills and draining my accounts. By all means, it doesn't mean I can go out and spend, far from it, but its a good feeling to know that my bills can be paid.

I've had a pair of really strange dreams the past two nights. Last night I dreamt that I was a prisoner in a war torn Iraqi prison. I was the only American in the prison or the city. I feared for my life, but strangely was still able to come and go from the prison and the city during the daytime as long as I knocked the appropriate code at the front gate. If not, I got shot dead. If I escaped or didn't make it back in time...dead. There was no help and I was stranded alone. It was a very desolate and disturbing, shocking and dirty dream. I felt like I needed a shower and a hug after waking up.

The other night's dream wasn't any better. I was still in the middle east, in Turkey I think, and I was on a group tour of the country with my boss Capt. Mike. He and I split off and went out searching for a Turkish massage house. Anyone that knows my boss would find that very, very disturbing.

Spending money to save money

I felt like I hit myself in the face with a bat yesterday. I paid off two monthly bills that amounted to about $1650. It was the last round of bills from my California sabbatical of household and personal bills. The bad news is that it left me with $350 in my checking to last me through a few shifts at work to my paycheck on the 1st. I'm not worried, I expected this and will still be in the black instead of the red this next month and then will slowly be able to save again. Out of that 350 I had to drop $100 on bike parts today. After my bike mishap last week, two new tires, inner tubes, state required nite lights, a rear rack and pannier bags. I'm liking the idea of using my bike to run errands and shop locally. It gives me added motivation to not splurge as in I am limited to buying necessities that I can carry on my packs. The added bonuses of not using the truck all the time, as well as keeping me active are blessings. As well as acquiring the gear to do pleasurable rides when the weather gets cooler. BTW its 109 today, I'm not going to be doing any joyrides in this heat.
Then again, the real drawback to riding out here as opposed to back home in SF is that there are no winding roads through pastures and farmland along the coast and no rolling hills or fast descents through patches of redwood forests that cast their giant shadows on the road that hit you in the face with a welcome cool temperature drop as you zip through them. Its flat here, dry, boring, dusty and brown. Roads here are blocked out 1 mile apart in huge grids that amount to straight boring 90 degree turn rides that makes you wish you were watching paint dry.
I give props to my boy Dirty who has been living and doing this in Japan for years.
It was a needed expense and I'm eager to get the package in a few days.

Playing with Jenny

I told you it was a relaxing nite.

benefits of frugality

I had no major plans today. I had yesterday and today off, and didn't really do much. I work the next 5 days straight, including turnarounds, which is definitely good for the bank. I got up today, made breakfast, checked email, news and finances and got motivated to go run errands. I hopped on my bike today instead of going to the gym and pedaled around running errands to the bank, Ace hardware and for the second time in a month and a half, to the grocery store. It was a nice feeling (well except for the 107 degrees) to take my time and cruise around for a half dozen good miles running around. It was slow paced and somewhat relaxing. It was also good to know that I couldn't spend a lot of cash at the store, not only because I am tight right now, but also I had to rationalize the fact that I have to haul it back on my handlebars. Just the basics, some milk, juice, meat, veggies. I spent $17 bucks and came home with dinner and some essentials for the fridge.

I came back and made a savory and spicy thin cut chuck steak that I slow sauteed in a wine, mushroom, onion and garlic sauce for about an hour. It was crazy tasty.

Tonight I'm just having a cocktail and watching Monday night wrestling. I'm downloading the second National Treasure movie to watch later tonight or this week.

What do mussels and 10,000 bottle caps have in common?

Its what I had for dinner and my new tabletop is almost done.

Quiet Sunday night tonight. I made herb & citrus steamed mussels and spinach & cheese tortellini with a red sauce. After dinner I sat down and started gluing bottle caps onto the new patio table top. What happened to the old table top? Oh you remember that day, St. Patrick's day 2007? Poor Jenny running into the house, but not before running through the glass table top. A $700 vet bill later and Jenny got all better.

I finally settled on making a new table top instead of buying one because no places custom cut round tempered glass tops. I'd have to either get a new table or special order a expensive replacement.

I said screw it, got a $8 sheet of dense plywood, somehow managed to cut a circle (if you ever get the chance, pass, unless you have the ability to freehand draw a perfect circle), and am slapping on a few of my 10,000+ stockpiled bottle caps on it. I'll put on a thick resin coat after and "presto"...instant new tabletop.

Lord of the Flies

I completely forgot about this strange once a year summer occurrence. I woke up the other morning to walk into the kitchen to find my kitchen invaded by a swarm of flies.

Considering that I am anal retentive about keeping my house clean, I hate this yearly happening. It still perplexes me as to; one, where they came from and two, how the hell they all got inside the house!

The only thing I can think of is that the garden moisture and compost may have helped, but that usually only brings small fruit and white flies that stay in the garden. The trash cans are empty and not breeding anything. So I'm stumped, but it's happened every year since I've been here. I just wonder how they all got inside. All my windows stay closed, and if I open the doors to go outside, they get closed behind me or they stay open for no longer than like 30 seconds. It's not like one little fucker is running a covert ops point team stationed above the door to call in the troops once I open the door or something.

Anyways, I get out the vacuum and have sucked up about 30 to their deaths in the past 3 days. I think they are attracted to the cooler weather inside the house, yet most of the time, once they get inside, the temperature shock kills half of them off within a day. Suicide by air conditioner.

This only lasts like 2 weeks tops too, which is strange. Meantime, I am winning the war.

Laying low

What do I do with myself? Or should I say, have I been doing with myself? Living on the cheap side has one crucial ingredient, laying low.

I wake up, have breakfast, check my email and news, putter around the house before I either workout or go to work. I find new ways to scrounge for cash. Turning the a/c a few degrees warmer, waiting to have a dishwasher stacked with dishes, air drying clothes, downsizing utilities. I've come to realize two things.

One, that my social life is in the dregs. Cabin fever sets in, I want to be social, but I can't spend any cash or buy gas to go out. Nor can I have people over to party (with or without booze and food) because it costs to have people over too. I'm becoming socially draught, which makes me a little sad.

Secondly, along the same level, which actually upsets me a bit more from sadness to perplexedly and disappointingly upset is the fact that the "friends" that I did have around when I was more social before now are non-existent. I don't get calls or invites out.

I hear through the grapevine that people were out having fun, but I wasn't even an afterthought.

There are a few personal exceptions, those of you know who you are...but as for the rest of everyone out there, I guess if I'm not providing a free service to you, then I don't exist.

If that's the case, well then fuck you very much.

I am thankful for the very,very small handful of friends that at least acknowledge my presence on a regular basis, and will always be around. I'm just frustrated on all levels.

Socially, financially, emotionally and my job is all for shit right now.

Despite all that crap, there are plus sides to things. My health has gotten a lot better and I've lost about 10-15 lbs. Not partying anymore cuts out the liquor part of my diet and I don't feel as toxic anymore. It also makes me a cheap date now too as it affects me faster. My breathing has cleared up and I don't feel strained for breath as much now that I have been working more on cardio.

I've been using my spare time somewhat productively, whether it be doing hobbies or projects. Example, I was bored the other night, so I mounted all of my model planes from the ceiling with fishing line. It looks really sweet, plus it opened up all my shelf space for books and dvds.

Maybe I'll see whats going on tonight. I have the day off today and I need to start getting motivated to do something. Maybe I'll get a hitch up my ass and go out on my own tonight somewhere new.

Catatrophic Mission Failure

Before I tell my woes, let me first state that it was 111 degrees today.

111 degrees.

So, in my ultimate test of possible frugality, I've decided to see how possible or stressful it would be to ride my bike to work during any day shifts I may work.

The logistics-it's 16 miles one way to work from home. 32 round trip.

Which means that I burn 2 gallons of gas each time I drive to work, which equates to just under $10 a day to go to work. When I work dayshifts I make about $35, that definitely is not acceptable.

So, today, my day off, I decided to test myself under the most stressful conditions to see if I could handle it. I left at 1:40 pm at 111 degrees. It was hot, damn hot. The two water bottles I had iced up for the trip were hot enough to brew tea by the halfway point.

I was hot, too hot and starting to suffer from heat exhaustion-lethargy, slow thought, reduced sweating, dulled senses by about mile 12. With about 2 miles to go, I decided to not push it too much and just decided to coast slowly for the homestretch.

Keeping in mind I easily can do this ride under average conditions, but then again...this isn't average conditions.

Then it happened. I'm 1 1/2 miles from work, stopped at a light waiting. BAMM!!! HIIiiiisssss. Oh you're kidding me. Nope, a blowout. Luckily I was well equipped for a flat. Unfortunately not a blowout.

111 degrees+130 degree asphalt + constant riding and tire friction= ruptured tire and innertube. Yeah, can't fix that. So now with impending heat exhaustion turning to heat stroke, I had to walk the remaining mile and a half to work. On arriving I was so overheated that I stopped sweating. I downed a bottle of water and then 2 small pitchers. I started to sweat again, even in a air conditioned building. I should have just poured the water on me and cut out the middle man. I was the reverse sponge.

I got my bearings and hydration back and called out for a rescue. Chris came up after he got out of work and hauled my tired ass home.

I showered, consumed more water, and more water and more water. Finally I managed to take a small piss, a dehydrated, vitamin infused leak that amounted to about a cup. Not good.

I may want to reconsider my transportation options in terms of bike riding until lower temperatures. So in the meantime, I guess I'll be paying $10 a day to drive to work.

4 Horsemen

I came home today with a staggering $24 dollars made, rode my bike to gym, lifted for a few hours, came home to leftovers for the 10th time this week, had a glorious shower that felt very good and started laundry while I piddled around on the 'puter. As I am siting here I realized that my life needs to change in one of four ways, five if you include a random unknown wildcard. I'm still sticking with four.

The problem is that currently they are all lose, lose,lose, lose situations until things start to turn around. Yes, I could still do them, but it would be a lot easier if conditions were better.

Option one would be to find a job back in California and pack up to move home.

Option two would be to find a property with Dad to manage, with the possibility of living on site and for that site to be back in California.

Option three would be to find a better job out here and stick things out.

Option four would be to stay at my current job until conditions get better for options one to three, with the possible need to get a second job.

Here's the problem. Or should I say problems, which is why its so frustrating.

Dad and I have nearly exhausted our options to find a rental property to buy that meets the necessary financials to not only live off of, but to turn a profit on top of it. We've now tinkered around with looking into other states where things may be cheaper.

That leads to an additional problem. Since the banks are so tight with the past mortgage crunch, the prices for these places are too high with interest rates that will be raping us, but the reverse is happening with homes. Property values are dropping big time on individual homes, which is great for buying a house back home, but in terms of selling this house and trading it or even using it for a down payment on a home in Cali...well the Realtors would just laugh at us and then the banks would not even acknowledge it.

I could easily find jobs in Cali, even to just scrape by, but giving up here for there would be next to impossible right now.

So, look for a job out here and wait it out? the problem with that is that I would have to make a couple of years commitment in order to not lose benefits, bonuses and move up high enough to actually have it pay off comfortably. I don't know if I or my parents could handle that wait.

The last option isn't a great one at all either. If I stay at my current job, at my current rate, with everything costing more and more on a daily basis, I would need a second job. I would need that second job within a month or two from now. I've done the dual job thing before, and it definitely sucks. I feel for the people I know that have multiple jobs to make ends meet. No time off, stress rising into the red zone, lack of sleep, but its understood as a possible needful scenario to get things done.

Lose

Lose

Lose

Lose

All of a sudden that 5th unknown wildcard option looks awfully tempting.

I've already cancelled my home phone account and tomorrow I will trim off some more fat by cancelling my alarm and go down to COX cable to turn in my digital boxes and downgrade my cable channels to basic. I'll also need to go to the bank and trade in my coin rolls for cash.

Posing a question to myself.

Well, in conjunction to my asking of my friends and family questions to answer about myself (see prior posts), I thought of one that I may try to ask and answer to myself.
Plus, maybe it will give insight to yourself too.
That being-
Lets say that you died tomorrow. With or without believing in heaven or hell or an afterlife, what would you leave behind? What imprint on the world would you leave? Would it be any sort of legacy or just dust in the wind?
What would people remember you by?
Would you have died knowing you lived a life of regret or fulfilment?
I think I will be pondering on this for a day or so. I don't work until Tuesday night, so outside of tidying up the garden and some creative projects, I should get some writing or reading done.

Games I never played in college

Well, after leaving work Friday afternoon, my next scheduled day to work was a distant 4 days away. Not good for the bank account, really not good. I'll be spending most or all of my time at home doing random stuff. Putting knobs on drawers, working on the yard, building a new tabletop for my busted small patio table (the one jenny ran through 1 1/2 yrs ago) and building a beer pong table.

Yes, its sophomoric and promotes irresponsible consumption of adult beverages, but then again how often to I have enough people over for a proper pong game? It'll be a tool of rare use, but still be around for football season tailgating and sunday morning game days.

If anything, it keeps me busy and feeling productive by building it instead of sitting on my ass watching tv.

I need to wait for the small tabletop to dry its varnish seal before I start constructing the top surface. I'll do that tomorrow.

A rare 6 month assesment. Trying to stand.

Let me tell you a story. This guy in the photo was a surfer in Cali last month. He was alone. Just himself against the world and what mother nature had to offer. Mother Nature didn't adapt to him, he needed to adapt to her.

He tried, failed, and repeated the process for a while before he finally stood for a short 3 second ride. the point was that patience and perseverance paid off, even if for a short ride.

I see myself in a similar situation.

i have never been put into a situation like mine, and its ironic that I did it to myself. Maybe its a situation that I NEEDED to be in. It may be frivolous to some, and relative to others, but to me its just real.

My boss Mike last week, taught me a old Jewish proverb that seems to be coming true. That being called " three generations from sandals to sandals" . First generation started off in sandals (aka my dad) and made it on his own. Second generation being me started off in shoes, living off the first generation. The third would be my children, who lived off the luxury of my windfall and spoiled and exploited it to the point that they are once again back in sandals.

It makes sense in a lot of points.

First point- I've been requested by some people that they actually missed my update emails from my site. I've re-established this email, only on certain people. If this disturbs you let me know and I'll take you off the list.

Second- I asked most of my "friends" a question a while back to ask me a question to help me out to answer questions of myself. Only 3 people asked me anything. So be it. Screw the rest.

Third- usually I do a self update post once a year at the beginning of the year to do a self assessment as to my current situation. I feel it necessary to do it mid year because a lot has changed, this is what this post is about.

You can use the evaluation from the beginning of the year as a reference

www.marcdemelocpg.blogspot.com/2007/12/2007-trying-to-find-balance.html

Finances- 4.0 -4.7

This is the big one. I started this year off on the up side. With the super bowl, spring training and my own penny pinching, I was up very well. then came my self taken "sabbatical". I had planned it out well, saving and scrounging to put aside what I thought was needed for taking 4 months off of work and being able to pay bills. I did just that. I paid them all off and even still invested while I was away and not generating any income. Now I am back, and went from bringing in weekly $800-$1000 a week to a paltry $200. It stings bad. I have been living off freezer stock-piles and can goods for 3 weeks. I no longer go out unless I can only spend $10-if that....and I've only gone out once. I haven't gone grocery shopping in 3 weeks. I am starting to ride my bike to work-which is a 14 mile ride one way...in 103 degree heat. I have cancelled certain bills and utilities. I have not bought liquor in a long time, in fact, I have disassembled parts of my home bar and re-installed the original cabinet doors in some areas. To keep it short, I am a hot dog, bean, top ramen eating mo fo for now.

On the plus side, I am still forcing myself to invest and save regardless of my income. I definitely appreciate the power of the dollar. I have taken penny pinching to the level of dirty Ryan, and maybe even my dad.

Work-4.0 -1.0

I give it that drop because I gave myself up for 4 months and have been reset to the bottom rung of the totem pole. I can almost say that I created a vultured frenzy of picked up shifts after I left back in Feb. I have tried to get into a lot of business things with Dad, and the market has dictated such that it just isn't going to happen yet. People are still trying to sell too high for what the actual market is. I have no idea of what is going to happen in the next 6 months. All I know is that I need to generate some cash.

Social life- 4.0 -2.0

Obviously if I can't afford to go out, then this stings. That and its the summertime, dead heat. Also, no football, its my mourning period until Manning and the Colts take the field in glory once again in September. I don't go out much anymore. I can't afford the gas, let alone the cost of any places I go to. I also definitely don't want a DUI. I lay low, relax at home and do pretty much nothing unless its already paid for or free or further diminishes my personal bar stock.

The bitter irony? Is that 6 months ago I had finances and ideas and wanton desire to go out, be social and travel but not the time off to do it. Now I do have the time to do it, but not the finances or social network to do it.

Love life- 0.0 -7.5

once again, none of your business, especially on the net. If you are important enough, then you already know.

Family- 8.5 no change

the family is still the same. Mom and Dad are shuffling doctors. That's about it. A cousin of mine got engaged, others are working through life.

Health 7.0 +1.0

on the plus side to everything, I have a lot of extra free time to tend to my personal needs. I've been exercising nearly daily, whether it be going to the gym, yardwork, shooting hoops, walking Jenny or something else. I have lost some weight in the past month. I'd say close to 10 pounds. I've replaced it with a good amount of upper body muscle. I still don't sleep well, but I have more energy than before. I just wish that I could do more outside instead of having to deal with 100+ degrees.

Overall- 4.5 - 1.95

All I can say is that I need to change a lot of things. Personally, financially and mentally, especially the latter, or else I am going to need another getaway, only to a loony bin.

On a side note, I don't need follow up emails or comments on how I should live, or unsolicited advice. If I want help I ask. I'll take personal experiences, but if I get a " you know, when I was in your spot, I did this..." response, I won't even acknowledge it. Not that I don't appreciate the assistance, I just need to figure out and assess myself, for myself. It's easy to say what route you should take when you're not the one driving.

You know how I know You're gay?

Because you are ass raping the public with rising gas prices.

Here's the gist of it. 6 years ago, we were paying under $2 a gallon in some places. Then systematically per year, prices would gradually rise about 50 cents, then to make you feel better, drop 20 cents so you were happy to pay that much more instead of the full 50 cents. It happened every year since then. Now the prices have risen from $3.25 a gallon in the beginning of the year to over $4.35 in some places. The average here in Phoenix is $4.05. I've seen $4.75 here too.

Who's to blame? Not the gas stations. Nor the refineries.

Its more the global cost of crude oil worldwide. Twenty years ago, it would cost a gas station about $1600 to have a full tanker truck drop off product. Now its costing those same stations over $32,000. The breakdown per gallon of gas?

About 77% goes to the actual price of crude oil. 10% to refineries (that hasn't really changed in years), 11% in city, state and fed taxes and about 4% to the actual station for it's overhead and employment costs. Its just easier to blame the stations due to the fact that they are our only access point to the cause of the problem.

So what affects the price of crude oil? Well, foreign sources for one. Two, we export a lot of our own oil out. Three, we are very limited to where we can go for new sources in our country, and four our overdependence on oil based fuel sources. So who can open the door for new sources, limit our exporting, introduce new fuel methods and cut back on outside sources of oil? Yeah, you can blame the oil companies, but have you noticed that since all the attention is on this being an election year that the government hasn't lifted a finger or given any thought to easing the crisis?

Imagine what would happen if prices kept rising and no one could afford fuel? Consumer confidence would faultier, businesses would close, the banks and economy would crumble. We are already in a recession. The next step after that is a depression. Sadly, that's what it would take to get this country back on track. Call it a reset to neutral.

You know how I know you're gay? You are working in the government and instead of trying to alleviate the gas crisis, some of your lobbyists actually proposed (and thankfully got shot down on ) a 50 cent per gallon additional federal gas tax.

I rest my case.

You know how I know You're gay?

You know how I know you're gay?

I'm at the baseball game on Sunday. Free tickets, gotta love em.

I'm enjoying the game, D-Backs are whooping ass. Then out of nowhere you show up gay dude. You're sitting with some friends in the next section over. My guess is that you love the attention. Or that you actually had this on your life's goal list. Regardless, you still had to do it. You know how I know you're gay? Five ten dollar drafts of skunky MGD draft later, you need to be the guy starting the "wave". It's your life's mission to be on your deathbed and deny the reaper that one mission. Healthy happy kids? No. Loving wife? No. Living a good life? No. You can't die until you have the right to say that in the summer of ought eight, you were the guy that started that wave.

Yet, you failed. Sucks to be you. God help ya, you tried. After 5 times chanting out a 3 second countdown to your section, you try to send that wave left. It failed each time. Undaunted, you try another 3 times in the other direction. Despite a center field wall, you got it halfway around the stadium, but yet, failed again.

Most of us would have given up by then. But not you oh Homo King of the ballgame wave dude, grab another ten dollar beer and a inning later and you're back on that wave horse again. Yet again, you fail. This time, even you're friends are saying...

Dude! You know how I know you're gay?

I rest my case.

New Section...You know how I know you're gay??

Ok, first off, let me say something real quick to not piss people off directly yet, and even if I do, too bad-grab some vagasil if your va-jay jay hurts.

I don't mind gay people at all. Honestly. Their beliefs are different from mine, so be it, but we're all pink in the middle. My new section is devoted not to people who are actually gay, but more of a way to say how much of a douche said person is acting in a situation. kinda along the lines of 40 yr old virgin.

Henceforth I bring you the "You know how I know you're gay" section.

Saturday night....

You know how I know you're gay?

You come in with your average looking girlfriend and your buddies but spend most of your time there talking "overly loud" so people pay attention to you. On top of that you are wearing one, yes one, black driving glove at the bar all night long. (Gayness self explanatory)

To ad insult to injury...

On closing time, you walk out with your buddies and stand around the entrance to the bar when a guy on the patio says "goodnite sweetie" to your friend, girlfriend, fag hag, etc.

You take offense. Not secure in your masculinity, you confront said dude claiming you should watch what they say because you don't know who is with her that night. Situation escalates, I get involved, tell you off for pissing me off and you walk away. But no, you need to be even gayer and try to get the last word as your friends are escorting you around the corner by saying....

and I quote..."Yeah! You're feeling pretty safe still in the bar. Come outside and I'll fuck the back of your head! Would you like that?! I'll beat you upside your head with my dick!"

You know how I know you're gay???

I rest my case.